I have never had any thoughts of suicide in my lifetime, maybe one of the reasons was when serving in the army and doing tours of duty and when we had to visit mortuaries doing body checks of people who had been brought in after being killed through terrorist activities and even suicide.
That was a part of my lifetime I will never forget, one incident which I have mentioned here before of seeing a young 2-year-old girl with her mother lying beside her, the mother who had lost her husband through a terrorist activity and committed suicide by holding her child in her arms and jumping off a bridge in Belfast and drowning them both.
I will never forget that and of seeing other things in the mortuary that would give you nightmares and it made me see life in a different way and I thanked God I was still in the land of living.
It took me 5 years after I left the army to get rid of the horrible dreams I would have where I would scream and cry in my sleep through the dreams, waking up sweating and shivering.
I thank God too because the wife was beside me all them times and would shake me and wake me up then comfort me during those bad times, as I said it took 5 long years but I managed to get rid of the nightmares but they are always there in the back of my mind, horrible thoughts.