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On ‎7‎/‎28‎/‎2017 at 11:03 AM, ficklered said:

- I used to have hair down to my arse, due to the evil  of male pattern baldness I now have my head shaved.

Something similar. I used to have hair on my arse but due to the evil of male pattern baldness I now have it surgically transferred to my head.

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3 minutes ago, Large said:

Something similar. I used to have hair on my arse but due to the evil of male pattern baldness I now have it surgically transferred to my head.

You're no better than Wayne Rooney. ¬¬

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  • 7 months later...

I once told a huge giant whopper to my missus when my mate asked me to take his other half to a pub on the edge of a dodgy estate in London to go stripping because he had to work for the night and didn't want her to go on her own.... She told me she didn't mind if I watched her stripping but I declined that rather tempting invitation and sat at the other end of the bar away from the stage chatting with the barmaid instead.. and because she thought I was her fella and was being a really good sport about what she was doing I managed to wangle a couple of free beers in the process.. I told the other half that I was taking her to a dance audition.. 

I don't normally feel the need for porkies and I am sure she would have been fine with it but the idea of telling her I am going to a strippers club to watch my mates missus jiggle and thrust all her bits about completely naked right in my face didn't cut the mustard for me... xD

When I was a baby my pram got hit on a crossing by a motorbike that sent me hurling about 20 odd feet down the road and I came out of it relatively unscathed... Although some might think that explains a lot.. I never knew about it until one day I noticed a very very feint scar on my forehead that is quite hard to see but when I started asking how I got it the truth came to light... 

When I was about 5 years old and feeding the monkeys up at Chessington Zoo you used to be able to put your hand through the bars and feed the monkeys peanuts and they would come and take them out of your hand. Well on this occasion we were up there I must have flinched a bit and this Monkey ripped open my right hand running down two fingers.. All I remember about the whole thing is seeing shit loads of blood at the time... I still have two very nice scars on my inner palm and little finger to remember that by... 

I was once a Telecommunications Engineer... 

 

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My partner and I bought our first house together in December and have pretty much demolished it internally to start again from scratch (it's older than the independent state of Australia). For context, the chances of me watching the World Cup' in this house are very, very slim.

I have an English degree and I actually use it every day in my job (an employed Literature/Language student, crazy huh?)... in the construction industry. Go figure.

The first football team I ever 'supported' was Leicester City. I was 7, my dad wasn't massively into tribalist football and I hadn't yet been taken to see my local side. I have no relations in Leicester - I simply liked their badge, shirt and the fun-sounding midfield triumvirate of Muzzy Izzet, Robbie Savage and Steve Guppy. My birthday cake that year was a Leicester City shirt made by my (undoubtedly confused) auntie.

I sing as a first tenor in a male voice choir (that's 'squeaky bollocks' to the uninitiated) but have to duck under most doorframes as I'm a man-giraffe. Yep, genetic freak.

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9 hours ago, StefBWFC said:

My partner and I bought our first house together in December and have pretty much demolished it internally to start again from scratch (it's older than the independent state of Australia). For context, the chances of me watching the World Cup' in this house are very, very slim.

I have an English degree and I actually use it every day in my job (an employed Literature/Language student, crazy huh?)... in the construction industry. Go figure.

The first football team I ever 'supported' was Leicester City. I was 7, my dad wasn't massively into tribalist football and I hadn't yet been taken to see my local side. I have no relations in Leicester - I simply liked their badge, shirt and the fun-sounding midfield triumvirate of Muzzy Izzet, Robbie Savage and Steve Guppy. My birthday cake that year was a Leicester City shirt made by my (undoubtedly confused) auntie.

I sing as a first tenor in a male voice choir (that's 'squeaky bollocks' to the uninitiated) but have to duck under most doorframes as I'm a man-giraffe. Yep, genetic freak.

got any before/after photos of the house? Love seeing transformations like that especially when done as personal projects. 

From Leicester to Bolton. I forgot that little nugget as I'm sure you must have mentioned it on TFF as well. If only you stuck around ;) 

 

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  • 3 years later...
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Another golden oldie dug up :D

I once, as a dare with 3 of my buddies done a streak from the camp NAAFI up to the guardhouse and back to the NAAFI in my army days for 50 German Deutsche Mark, got the money ok but the downfall was a Sgts wife was driving through the camp at that time (23hrs) and saw my mate streak past her and she hit the brakes and smashed into a tree (she was shocked but ok).

The funny side of that was my mate was having an affair with her on the side and we said to him after "She must have recognised your chopper swinging in the breeze between your legs 'Balls and All' and xD

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