Craziest Situations You've Been In

[MUFC]

33 minutes ago, Devil said:

Feel free to delete the thread, I apologise for rising to his snide response on the forum.

Snide?

[Dr. Gonzo]

Manc on Manc violence!

[Devil]

6 minutes ago, MUFC said:

Snide?

We've finished our discussion.

 

[MUFC]

2 minutes ago, Devil said:

We've finished our discussion.

 

Stop being snide.

[nudge+]

14 minutes ago, Tommy said:

In Kindergarten, I wanted to be one of the cool kids who drink hot chocolate straight out of the pot. Unfortunately, I grabbed the pot with soapy dish water in it and took a big sip of that. My mom had to come pick me up.  

 

This is easily the best one in this thread. Did you get sick?  

[Tommy]

1 hour ago, nudge said:

This is easily the best one in this thread. Did you get sick?  

Nope. Took it like a champ. 

[Dr. Gonzo]

Someone climbed my building and tried to get onto my patio, was bizarre.

Turned out to be a crackhead.

[Eco]

I only have one crazy story from my time in China that I haven’t shared, and this one doesn't involve breaking any laws.

While I was in China, I was promoted to school manager after 6 months. One of the perks of this was of course more money, but I was also paid to travel around the country for company events and meetings.

It was just before New Year’s Eve in 2009 when I was having my last round of interviews, and this time it was with a gentleman that was second in command at the entire company, and lived near the HQ in Texas, but traveled to China often.

During the interview, I asked him his thoughts and predictions on the upcoming National Championship game between my alma mater, University of Alabama, and the University of Texas. He got all excited with the change of topic, spoke highly of the mighty Longhorns (UT) and how he was going to attend the game against Alabama, and finished it off by letting me know that he himself had gone to University of Texas, so he wasn’t just a ‘bandwagon’ fan.

I laughed and told him that I went to the University of Alabama myself and was excited to watch the game illegally in China, to which he laughed and finished off the call by not only offering me the job, but also proposed a friendly bet that at our next meeting, the loser of the game would have the pay for the bar tab for the winner. Simple enough; I wanted the job and therefore I agreed.

(In early January of 2010, Alabama and Texas play for the National Championship, with Alabama winning 37-21).

Around the end of January or early February, I flew to Jinan, China, for our annual manager’s meeting. I arrive at this upscale restaurant, meet staff from around the country, and of course, meet the Texas manager with whom I made our wager with earlier. As the night progresses, the drinks start flowing and people are getting absolutely toasted, me included.

It was late by now, and I’m sure some people had already headed to their hotel, but at some point, it was just me, my new manager, and Mr. Texas, drinking, laughing, and just having a jolly time. I guess I made a joke about the wager and said something along the lines that this ‘dinner’ didn’t count towards the settling the bet, as he was just going to have the school pay for it, to which I’m sure we laughed and drank more.

Well, someone, and I’m almost sure it was Mr. Texas, decided the 3 of us were going to go out and continue the celebration and epic night. Now, I must address one thing for you to grasp the rest of this story.

I’m 24 years old at the time, roughly 6’1”, 176lbs, and about as average as can be.
My Manager was mid-30’s, probably 6’5”, ex Rugby player from South Africa, and very good looking.
Mr. Texas was probably upper 50’s or even 60’s, 5’3” ish, and overweight as you’d imagine most American to be.

So, we are drunk, outside the restaurant/bar, and Texas calls a taxi. One arrives, we get in, and Texas either can’t speak Chinese, or just is too drunk, so instead of saying anything or telling us where we are heading, he gets the drivers attention, making a circle with one hand, and using the index on his other hand, make the world recognizable signal for sex.

So we go to this place, get out, pay. At the front, there is a counter with prices, but since Texas is paying, we don’t mind them and instead just walk on back to a changing room. I walk to the corner, undress, and put on a robe provided in my person cubby. Once everyone is ready, we walk to a large room where massage tables are lined up, we each pick a table, and lay down. A female comes to me, takes off my robe, and begins to massage me and run my body with some sort of soap. I’m not sure how long this takes, but I know that afterwards my lady takes me to a private stall, and showers off my entire body, only to place a new robe for coverage after the shower.

As I walk out of the stall, I meet up with Texas and Manager, and together the three of us are taken upstairs.

We are motioned to stop in the hallway. The carpet was dark blue, and the walls were a lighter shade of blue, but the overall look was dark as the lighting was dimmed.

As we stand there, a few words of the employees are said, and a line of girls walk out in front of us, maybe 10 or so, and once they are all out in front of us, they remove their robes and stare at us completely naked.

Texas is the first to ‘pick’ and walks up and down grabbing, touching, feeling the girls before settling on TWO girls that are right in front of him. Manager goes next, walks up and down the line before choosing on a girl, meanwhile I am left with 7 girls and feeling completely out of my element, so I quickly choose the girl right in front of me.

My girl leads me into a room, that just so happens to be beside Manager, who is between me and Texas.

In my room, I sit down, ask the girl to sit, and we begin to talk. I’m a conservative guy, so I’m both embarrassed, confused, and honestly, not really to have sex with this girl I don’t even know. She goes to a side table, opens the drawer, and pulls out all the tools and devices one could possibly think of when about to have sex.

I ask her again to sit down and talk, and soon after, I hear screaming, both male and female, followed by doors slamming. I quickly robe, walk back into the hallway, to see Texas, naked, yelling as the manager about the two girls. Texas is yelling that the girls refused to have sex because penis was too large. Manager is also out at the time, and we try not to laugh as it’s clear the girls just don’t want THAT, in them. But the manager is obviously embarrassed, and so he begins to hit both girls that refused sex, to which I go back immediately inside my room.

Now I’m confused, angry, and just want to head home, but as I try to calm down, I hearing this pounding followed by a loud banging against the walls, and in no time, I realize that Manager and his girl had obviously started the dance of love and were having a blast in doing so.

Now here I sit, drunk, and really feeling uncomfortable, so I tell my girl that I don’t want to have sex, which immediately get her scared as she assumes that she’ll meet a fate like her friend(s). I calm her down, and just say that I’ll pay, but I only want to talk.

So for the better half of 45 minutes, I sat there in my robe, with a prostitute in her robe, and talked about her time growing up in China, where her family was from, her goals and all that, and I also answered questions about America and my experiences and travels within China.

When it was time to leave, we hugged, walked out of the room, and were heading to the counter to pay, where Texas was already waiting, having paid, and based on the smile on his face, having satisfied his needs.

The three of us got back into the taxi and went back to the hotel we were staying at and back into our respective rooms, never to speak about the night again.

[Stan]

Oh shit @SirBalon is back. 

[Tommy]

4 hours ago, Eco said:

I only have one crazy story from my time in China that I haven’t shared, and this one doesn't involve breaking any laws.

 

 

While I was in China, I was promoted to school manager after 6 months. One of the perks of this was of course more money, but I was also paid to travel around the country for company events and meetings.

 

 

It was just before New Year’s Eve in 2009 when I was having my last round of interviews, and this time it was with a gentleman that was second in command at the entire company, and lived near the HQ in Texas, but traveled to China often.

 

 

During the interview, I asked him his thoughts and predictions on the upcoming National Championship game between my alma mater, University of Alabama, and the University of Texas. He got all excited with the change of topic, spoke highly of the mighty Longhorns (UT) and how he was going to attend the game against Alabama, and finished it off by letting me know that he himself had gone to University of Texas, so he wasn’t just a ‘bandwagon’ fan.

 

 

I laughed and told him that I went to the University of Alabama myself and was excited to watch the game illegally in China, to which he laughed and finished off the call by not only offering me the job, but also proposed a friendly bet that at our next meeting, the loser of the game would have the pay for the bar tab for the winner. Simple enough; I wanted the job and therefore I agreed.

 

 

(In early January of 2010, Alabama and Texas play for the National Championship, with Alabama winning 37-21).

 

 

Around the end of January or early February, I flew to Jinan, China, for our annual manager’s meeting. I arrive at this upscale restaurant, meet staff from around the country, and of course, meet the Texas manager with whom I made our wager with earlier. As the night progresses, the drinks start flowing and people are getting absolutely toasted, me included.

 

 

It was late by now, and I’m sure some people had already headed to their hotel, but at some point, it was just me, my new manager, and Mr. Texas, drinking, laughing, and just having a jolly time. I guess I made a joke about the wager and said something along the lines that this ‘dinner’ didn’t count towards the settling the bet, as he was just going to have the school pay for it, to which I’m sure we laughed and drank more.

 

 

Well, someone, and I’m almost sure it was Mr. Texas, decided the 3 of us were going to go out and continue the celebration and epic night. Now, I must address one thing for you to grasp the rest of this story.

 

 

I’m 24 years old at the time, roughly 6’1”, 176lbs, and about as average as can be.
My Manager was mid-30’s, probably 6’5”, ex Rugby player from South Africa, and very good looking.
Mr. Texas was probably upper 50’s or even 60’s, 5’3” ish, and overweight as you’d imagine most American to be.

 

 

So, we are drunk, outside the restaurant/bar, and Texas calls a taxi. One arrives, we get in, and Texas either can’t speak Chinese, or just is too drunk, so instead of saying anything or telling us where we are heading, he gets the drivers attention, making a circle with one hand, and using the index on his other hand, make the world recognizable signal for sex.

 

 

So we go to this place, get out, pay. At the front, there is a counter with prices, but since Texas is paying, we don’t mind them and instead just walk on back to a changing room. I walk to the corner, undress, and put on a robe provided in my person cubby. Once everyone is ready, we walk to a large room where massage tables are lined up, we each pick a table, and lay down. A female comes to me, takes off my robe, and begins to massage me and run my body with some sort of soap. I’m not sure how long this takes, but I know that afterwards my lady takes me to a private stall, and showers off my entire body, only to place a new robe for coverage after the shower.

 

 

As I walk out of the stall, I meet up with Texas and Manager, and together the three of us are taken upstairs.

 

 

We are motioned to stop in the hallway. The carpet was dark blue, and the walls were a lighter shade of blue, but the overall look was dark as the lighting was dimmed.

 

 

As we stand there, a few words of the employees are said, and a line of girls walk out in front of us, maybe 10 or so, and once they are all out in front of us, they remove their robes and stare at us completely naked.

 

 

Texas is the first to ‘pick’ and walks up and down grabbing, touching, feeling the girls before settling on TWO girls that are right in front of him. Manager goes next, walks up and down the line before choosing on a girl, meanwhile I am left with 7 girls and feeling completely out of my element, so I quickly choose the girl right in front of me.

 

 

My girl leads me into a room, that just so happens to be beside Manager, who is between me and Texas.

 

 

In my room, I sit down, ask the girl to sit, and we begin to talk. I’m a conservative guy, so I’m both embarrassed, confused, and honestly, not really to have sex with this girl I don’t even know. She goes to a side table, opens the drawer, and pulls out all the tools and devices one could possibly think of when about to have sex.

 

 

I ask her again to sit down and talk, and soon after, I hear screaming, both male and female, followed by doors slamming. I quickly robe, walk back into the hallway, to see Texas, naked, yelling as the manager about the two girls. Texas is yelling that the girls refused to have sex because penis was too large. Manager is also out at the time, and we try not to laugh as it’s clear the girls just don’t want THAT, in them. But the manager is obviously embarrassed, and so he begins to hit both girls that refused sex, to which I go back immediately inside my room.

 

 

Now I’m confused, angry, and just want to head home, but as I try to calm down, I hearing this pounding followed by a loud banging against the walls, and in no time, I realize that Manager and his girl had obviously started the dance of love and were having a blast in doing so.

 

 

Now here I sit, drunk, and really feeling uncomfortable, so I tell my girl that I don’t want to have sex, which immediately get her scared as she assumes that she’ll meet a fate like her friend(s). I calm her down, and just say that I’ll pay, but I only want to talk.

 

 

So for the better half of 45 minutes, I sat there in my robe, with a prostitute in her robe, and talked about her time growing up in China, where her family was from, her goals and all that, and I also answered questions about America and my experiences and travels within China.

 

 

When it was time to leave, we hugged, walked out of the room, and were heading to the counter to pay, where Texas was already waiting, having paid, and based on the smile on his face, having satisfied his needs.

 

 

The three of us got back into the taxi and went back to the hotel we were staying at and back into our respective rooms, never to speak about the night again.

 

 

The best part of this story is that you paid this girl just to have a conversation. I bet that was a nice change for her, compared to the guys who just see her as a sex item. 

[Carnivore Chris]

12 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

Manc on Manc violence!

Cheetham Hill vs Wythenshawe 

 

[MUFC]

2 hours ago, Carnivore Chris said:

Cheetham Hill vs Wythenshawe 

 

Salford vs Wythenshawe.

[nudge+]

7 hours ago, Eco said:

I only have one crazy story from my time in China that I haven’t shared, and this one doesn't involve breaking any laws.

 

 

While I was in China, I was promoted to school manager after 6 months. One of the perks of this was of course more money, but I was also paid to travel around the country for company events and meetings.

 

 

It was just before New Year’s Eve in 2009 when I was having my last round of interviews, and this time it was with a gentleman that was second in command at the entire company, and lived near the HQ in Texas, but traveled to China often.

 

 

During the interview, I asked him his thoughts and predictions on the upcoming National Championship game between my alma mater, University of Alabama, and the University of Texas. He got all excited with the change of topic, spoke highly of the mighty Longhorns (UT) and how he was going to attend the game against Alabama, and finished it off by letting me know that he himself had gone to University of Texas, so he wasn’t just a ‘bandwagon’ fan.

 

 

I laughed and told him that I went to the University of Alabama myself and was excited to watch the game illegally in China, to which he laughed and finished off the call by not only offering me the job, but also proposed a friendly bet that at our next meeting, the loser of the game would have the pay for the bar tab for the winner. Simple enough; I wanted the job and therefore I agreed.

 

 

(In early January of 2010, Alabama and Texas play for the National Championship, with Alabama winning 37-21).

 

 

Around the end of January or early February, I flew to Jinan, China, for our annual manager’s meeting. I arrive at this upscale restaurant, meet staff from around the country, and of course, meet the Texas manager with whom I made our wager with earlier. As the night progresses, the drinks start flowing and people are getting absolutely toasted, me included.

 

 

It was late by now, and I’m sure some people had already headed to their hotel, but at some point, it was just me, my new manager, and Mr. Texas, drinking, laughing, and just having a jolly time. I guess I made a joke about the wager and said something along the lines that this ‘dinner’ didn’t count towards the settling the bet, as he was just going to have the school pay for it, to which I’m sure we laughed and drank more.

 

 

Well, someone, and I’m almost sure it was Mr. Texas, decided the 3 of us were going to go out and continue the celebration and epic night. Now, I must address one thing for you to grasp the rest of this story.

 

 

I’m 24 years old at the time, roughly 6’1”, 176lbs, and about as average as can be.
My Manager was mid-30’s, probably 6’5”, ex Rugby player from South Africa, and very good looking.
Mr. Texas was probably upper 50’s or even 60’s, 5’3” ish, and overweight as you’d imagine most American to be.

 

 

So, we are drunk, outside the restaurant/bar, and Texas calls a taxi. One arrives, we get in, and Texas either can’t speak Chinese, or just is too drunk, so instead of saying anything or telling us where we are heading, he gets the drivers attention, making a circle with one hand, and using the index on his other hand, make the world recognizable signal for sex.

 

 

So we go to this place, get out, pay. At the front, there is a counter with prices, but since Texas is paying, we don’t mind them and instead just walk on back to a changing room. I walk to the corner, undress, and put on a robe provided in my person cubby. Once everyone is ready, we walk to a large room where massage tables are lined up, we each pick a table, and lay down. A female comes to me, takes off my robe, and begins to massage me and run my body with some sort of soap. I’m not sure how long this takes, but I know that afterwards my lady takes me to a private stall, and showers off my entire body, only to place a new robe for coverage after the shower.

 

 

As I walk out of the stall, I meet up with Texas and Manager, and together the three of us are taken upstairs.

 

 

We are motioned to stop in the hallway. The carpet was dark blue, and the walls were a lighter shade of blue, but the overall look was dark as the lighting was dimmed.

 

 

As we stand there, a few words of the employees are said, and a line of girls walk out in front of us, maybe 10 or so, and once they are all out in front of us, they remove their robes and stare at us completely naked.

 

 

Texas is the first to ‘pick’ and walks up and down grabbing, touching, feeling the girls before settling on TWO girls that are right in front of him. Manager goes next, walks up and down the line before choosing on a girl, meanwhile I am left with 7 girls and feeling completely out of my element, so I quickly choose the girl right in front of me.

 

 

My girl leads me into a room, that just so happens to be beside Manager, who is between me and Texas.

 

 

In my room, I sit down, ask the girl to sit, and we begin to talk. I’m a conservative guy, so I’m both embarrassed, confused, and honestly, not really to have sex with this girl I don’t even know. She goes to a side table, opens the drawer, and pulls out all the tools and devices one could possibly think of when about to have sex.

 

 

I ask her again to sit down and talk, and soon after, I hear screaming, both male and female, followed by doors slamming. I quickly robe, walk back into the hallway, to see Texas, naked, yelling as the manager about the two girls. Texas is yelling that the girls refused to have sex because penis was too large. Manager is also out at the time, and we try not to laugh as it’s clear the girls just don’t want THAT, in them. But the manager is obviously embarrassed, and so he begins to hit both girls that refused sex, to which I go back immediately inside my room.

 

 

Now I’m confused, angry, and just want to head home, but as I try to calm down, I hearing this pounding followed by a loud banging against the walls, and in no time, I realize that Manager and his girl had obviously started the dance of love and were having a blast in doing so.

 

 

Now here I sit, drunk, and really feeling uncomfortable, so I tell my girl that I don’t want to have sex, which immediately get her scared as she assumes that she’ll meet a fate like her friend(s). I calm her down, and just say that I’ll pay, but I only want to talk.

 

 

So for the better half of 45 minutes, I sat there in my robe, with a prostitute in her robe, and talked about her time growing up in China, where her family was from, her goals and all that, and I also answered questions about America and my experiences and travels within China.

 

 

When it was time to leave, we hugged, walked out of the room, and were heading to the counter to pay, where Texas was already waiting, having paid, and based on the smile on his face, having satisfied his needs.

 

 

The three of us got back into the taxi and went back to the hotel we were staying at and back into our respective rooms, never to speak about the night again.

 

 

I read all this fully expecting you to be forced to pay for the whole night because of that wager  

[MUFC]

7 hours ago, Eco said:

I only have one crazy story from my time in China that I haven’t shared, and this one doesn't involve breaking any laws.

 

 

While I was in China, I was promoted to school manager after 6 months. One of the perks of this was of course more money, but I was also paid to travel around the country for company events and meetings.

 

 

It was just before New Year’s Eve in 2009 when I was having my last round of interviews, and this time it was with a gentleman that was second in command at the entire company, and lived near the HQ in Texas, but traveled to China often.

 

 

During the interview, I asked him his thoughts and predictions on the upcoming National Championship game between my alma mater, University of Alabama, and the University of Texas. He got all excited with the change of topic, spoke highly of the mighty Longhorns (UT) and how he was going to attend the game against Alabama, and finished it off by letting me know that he himself had gone to University of Texas, so he wasn’t just a ‘bandwagon’ fan.

 

 

I laughed and told him that I went to the University of Alabama myself and was excited to watch the game illegally in China, to which he laughed and finished off the call by not only offering me the job, but also proposed a friendly bet that at our next meeting, the loser of the game would have the pay for the bar tab for the winner. Simple enough; I wanted the job and therefore I agreed.

 

 

(In early January of 2010, Alabama and Texas play for the National Championship, with Alabama winning 37-21).

 

 

Around the end of January or early February, I flew to Jinan, China, for our annual manager’s meeting. I arrive at this upscale restaurant, meet staff from around the country, and of course, meet the Texas manager with whom I made our wager with earlier. As the night progresses, the drinks start flowing and people are getting absolutely toasted, me included.

 

 

It was late by now, and I’m sure some people had already headed to their hotel, but at some point, it was just me, my new manager, and Mr. Texas, drinking, laughing, and just having a jolly time. I guess I made a joke about the wager and said something along the lines that this ‘dinner’ didn’t count towards the settling the bet, as he was just going to have the school pay for it, to which I’m sure we laughed and drank more.

 

 

Well, someone, and I’m almost sure it was Mr. Texas, decided the 3 of us were going to go out and continue the celebration and epic night. Now, I must address one thing for you to grasp the rest of this story.

 

 

I’m 24 years old at the time, roughly 6’1”, 176lbs, and about as average as can be.
My Manager was mid-30’s, probably 6’5”, ex Rugby player from South Africa, and very good looking.
Mr. Texas was probably upper 50’s or even 60’s, 5’3” ish, and overweight as you’d imagine most American to be.

 

 

So, we are drunk, outside the restaurant/bar, and Texas calls a taxi. One arrives, we get in, and Texas either can’t speak Chinese, or just is too drunk, so instead of saying anything or telling us where we are heading, he gets the drivers attention, making a circle with one hand, and using the index on his other hand, make the world recognizable signal for sex.

 

 

So we go to this place, get out, pay. At the front, there is a counter with prices, but since Texas is paying, we don’t mind them and instead just walk on back to a changing room. I walk to the corner, undress, and put on a robe provided in my person cubby. Once everyone is ready, we walk to a large room where massage tables are lined up, we each pick a table, and lay down. A female comes to me, takes off my robe, and begins to massage me and run my body with some sort of soap. I’m not sure how long this takes, but I know that afterwards my lady takes me to a private stall, and showers off my entire body, only to place a new robe for coverage after the shower.

 

 

As I walk out of the stall, I meet up with Texas and Manager, and together the three of us are taken upstairs.

 

 

We are motioned to stop in the hallway. The carpet was dark blue, and the walls were a lighter shade of blue, but the overall look was dark as the lighting was dimmed.

 

 

As we stand there, a few words of the employees are said, and a line of girls walk out in front of us, maybe 10 or so, and once they are all out in front of us, they remove their robes and stare at us completely naked.

 

 

Texas is the first to ‘pick’ and walks up and down grabbing, touching, feeling the girls before settling on TWO girls that are right in front of him. Manager goes next, walks up and down the line before choosing on a girl, meanwhile I am left with 7 girls and feeling completely out of my element, so I quickly choose the girl right in front of me.

 

 

My girl leads me into a room, that just so happens to be beside Manager, who is between me and Texas.

 

 

In my room, I sit down, ask the girl to sit, and we begin to talk. I’m a conservative guy, so I’m both embarrassed, confused, and honestly, not really to have sex with this girl I don’t even know. She goes to a side table, opens the drawer, and pulls out all the tools and devices one could possibly think of when about to have sex.

 

 

I ask her again to sit down and talk, and soon after, I hear screaming, both male and female, followed by doors slamming. I quickly robe, walk back into the hallway, to see Texas, naked, yelling as the manager about the two girls. Texas is yelling that the girls refused to have sex because penis was too large. Manager is also out at the time, and we try not to laugh as it’s clear the girls just don’t want THAT, in them. But the manager is obviously embarrassed, and so he begins to hit both girls that refused sex, to which I go back immediately inside my room.

 

 

Now I’m confused, angry, and just want to head home, but as I try to calm down, I hearing this pounding followed by a loud banging against the walls, and in no time, I realize that Manager and his girl had obviously started the dance of love and were having a blast in doing so.

 

 

Now here I sit, drunk, and really feeling uncomfortable, so I tell my girl that I don’t want to have sex, which immediately get her scared as she assumes that she’ll meet a fate like her friend(s). I calm her down, and just say that I’ll pay, but I only want to talk.

 

 

So for the better half of 45 minutes, I sat there in my robe, with a prostitute in her robe, and talked about her time growing up in China, where her family was from, her goals and all that, and I also answered questions about America and my experiences and travels within China.

 

 

When it was time to leave, we hugged, walked out of the room, and were heading to the counter to pay, where Texas was already waiting, having paid, and based on the smile on his face, having satisfied his needs.

 

 

The three of us got back into the taxi and went back to the hotel we were staying at and back into our respective rooms, never to speak about the night again.

 

 

 

[Beelzebub]

8 hours ago, Eco said:

I only have one crazy story from my time in China that I haven’t shared, and this one doesn't involve breaking any laws.

 

 

While I was in China, I was promoted to school manager after 6 months. One of the perks of this was of course more money, but I was also paid to travel around the country for company events and meetings.

 

 

It was just before New Year’s Eve in 2009 when I was having my last round of interviews, and this time it was with a gentleman that was second in command at the entire company, and lived near the HQ in Texas, but traveled to China often.

 

 

During the interview, I asked him his thoughts and predictions on the upcoming National Championship game between my alma mater, University of Alabama, and the University of Texas. He got all excited with the change of topic, spoke highly of the mighty Longhorns (UT) and how he was going to attend the game against Alabama, and finished it off by letting me know that he himself had gone to University of Texas, so he wasn’t just a ‘bandwagon’ fan.

 

 

I laughed and told him that I went to the University of Alabama myself and was excited to watch the game illegally in China, to which he laughed and finished off the call by not only offering me the job, but also proposed a friendly bet that at our next meeting, the loser of the game would have the pay for the bar tab for the winner. Simple enough; I wanted the job and therefore I agreed.

 

 

(In early January of 2010, Alabama and Texas play for the National Championship, with Alabama winning 37-21).

 

 

Around the end of January or early February, I flew to Jinan, China, for our annual manager’s meeting. I arrive at this upscale restaurant, meet staff from around the country, and of course, meet the Texas manager with whom I made our wager with earlier. As the night progresses, the drinks start flowing and people are getting absolutely toasted, me included.

 

 

It was late by now, and I’m sure some people had already headed to their hotel, but at some point, it was just me, my new manager, and Mr. Texas, drinking, laughing, and just having a jolly time. I guess I made a joke about the wager and said something along the lines that this ‘dinner’ didn’t count towards the settling the bet, as he was just going to have the school pay for it, to which I’m sure we laughed and drank more.

 

 

Well, someone, and I’m almost sure it was Mr. Texas, decided the 3 of us were going to go out and continue the celebration and epic night. Now, I must address one thing for you to grasp the rest of this story.

 

 

I’m 24 years old at the time, roughly 6’1”, 176lbs, and about as average as can be.
My Manager was mid-30’s, probably 6’5”, ex Rugby player from South Africa, and very good looking.
Mr. Texas was probably upper 50’s or even 60’s, 5’3” ish, and overweight as you’d imagine most American to be.

 

 

So, we are drunk, outside the restaurant/bar, and Texas calls a taxi. One arrives, we get in, and Texas either can’t speak Chinese, or just is too drunk, so instead of saying anything or telling us where we are heading, he gets the drivers attention, making a circle with one hand, and using the index on his other hand, make the world recognizable signal for sex.

 

 

So we go to this place, get out, pay. At the front, there is a counter with prices, but since Texas is paying, we don’t mind them and instead just walk on back to a changing room. I walk to the corner, undress, and put on a robe provided in my person cubby. Once everyone is ready, we walk to a large room where massage tables are lined up, we each pick a table, and lay down. A female comes to me, takes off my robe, and begins to massage me and run my body with some sort of soap. I’m not sure how long this takes, but I know that afterwards my lady takes me to a private stall, and showers off my entire body, only to place a new robe for coverage after the shower.

 

 

As I walk out of the stall, I meet up with Texas and Manager, and together the three of us are taken upstairs.

 

 

We are motioned to stop in the hallway. The carpet was dark blue, and the walls were a lighter shade of blue, but the overall look was dark as the lighting was dimmed.

 

 

As we stand there, a few words of the employees are said, and a line of girls walk out in front of us, maybe 10 or so, and once they are all out in front of us, they remove their robes and stare at us completely naked.

 

 

Texas is the first to ‘pick’ and walks up and down grabbing, touching, feeling the girls before settling on TWO girls that are right in front of him. Manager goes next, walks up and down the line before choosing on a girl, meanwhile I am left with 7 girls and feeling completely out of my element, so I quickly choose the girl right in front of me.

 

 

My girl leads me into a room, that just so happens to be beside Manager, who is between me and Texas.

 

 

In my room, I sit down, ask the girl to sit, and we begin to talk. I’m a conservative guy, so I’m both embarrassed, confused, and honestly, not really to have sex with this girl I don’t even know. She goes to a side table, opens the drawer, and pulls out all the tools and devices one could possibly think of when about to have sex.

 

 

I ask her again to sit down and talk, and soon after, I hear screaming, both male and female, followed by doors slamming. I quickly robe, walk back into the hallway, to see Texas, naked, yelling as the manager about the two girls. Texas is yelling that the girls refused to have sex because penis was too large. Manager is also out at the time, and we try not to laugh as it’s clear the girls just don’t want THAT, in them. But the manager is obviously embarrassed, and so he begins to hit both girls that refused sex, to which I go back immediately inside my room.

 

 

Now I’m confused, angry, and just want to head home, but as I try to calm down, I hearing this pounding followed by a loud banging against the walls, and in no time, I realize that Manager and his girl had obviously started the dance of love and were having a blast in doing so.

 

 

Now here I sit, drunk, and really feeling uncomfortable, so I tell my girl that I don’t want to have sex, which immediately get her scared as she assumes that she’ll meet a fate like her friend(s). I calm her down, and just say that I’ll pay, but I only want to talk.

 

 

So for the better half of 45 minutes, I sat there in my robe, with a prostitute in her robe, and talked about her time growing up in China, where her family was from, her goals and all that, and I also answered questions about America and my experiences and travels within China.

 

 

When it was time to leave, we hugged, walked out of the room, and were heading to the counter to pay, where Texas was already waiting, having paid, and based on the smile on his face, having satisfied his needs.

 

 

The three of us got back into the taxi and went back to the hotel we were staying at and back into our respective rooms, never to speak about the night again.

 

 

Post of the year.

[Eco]

1 hour ago, nudge said:

I read all this fully expecting you to be forced to pay for the whole night because of that wager  

I won the bet, so no Yin was coming out of my wallet.

[nudge+]

Just now, Eco said:

I won the bet, so no Yin was coming out of my wallet.

What about Yang?

[Eco]

1 minute ago, nudge said:

What about Yang?

Ah damnit.

Yuan, yuan, yuan.

That's what I get for trying to be witty before 9am.

[Viva la FCB+]

5 hours ago, nudge said:

I read all this fully expecting you to be forced to pay for the whole night because of that wager  

That was my first thoughts! Im like adding up along the way, damn this goin be an expensive ass night 

[Tommy]

6 hours ago, nudge said:

What about Yang?

I was going to say the exact same earlier, but decided against it. 

[nudge+]

1 minute ago, Tommy said:

I was going to say the exact same earlier, but decided against it. 

Fortune favours the bold