Toinho 2,210 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 32 minutes ago, Devil-Dick Willie said: Going on a date tonight. The lass is a feminist, and she's demanding that SHE pay for my dinner to break the social norm Get the fuck in Uh good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewolf 7,161 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 On 20/01/2019 at 09:48, MUFC said: Anyone ever dated a bossy control freak? As my missus vets everything I type on here I am going to say no... On 21/01/2019 at 11:28, Toinho said: To those who have got engaged and then married (or not), did you live with your partner before proposing? Got a fair few friends over the years with a bit of both sides to the equation - just wondering how rare it is to propose before living together? We lived together for a couple of years first... my advice would be to go live at her place that way if the relationship goes tits up you can just chuck all your belongings in a Tesco bag and be gone in 10 minutes.. do it the other way round it could take weeks just to clear her shoes and stuff in the bathroom... On 22/01/2019 at 20:50, Storts said: Safe word: scrambled Good choice... wish I had thought of something else... my safe word 'Harder' the other night was very ill thought out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick 2,271 Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 In a bit of a weird rut at the moment. Been single since august 2017, since then ive seen a couple of people but nothing serious or long. The most recent lass i was seeing was in september, ive said it a few pages back but i liked this girl but for a variety of reasons it just didnt work out. Since then ive just had absolutely no motivation to date or anything. Which is a first for me because Ive always been the guy who constantly searches for 'the one' (cringe) and I have been doing that for the last 5 years. I cant even pretend to be interested in getting to know people now. I went on tinder and I was bored for the first time, had a couple of people message me but I realised pretty sharpish that i had no motivation to get to know them so I deleted that shit. I think im burned out. I dont have the optimistic view on dating lately like ive always had. I think subconciously I'm sick of getting fucked over and I need a long break from any and all dating. Has anybody else went through this sort of thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devil-Dick Willie 3,253 Posted March 28, 2019 Share Posted March 28, 2019 Sorta, but for me it's because I really couldn't care less at the moment. Last year I ploughed my way through a fair number of good lookin lasses, but none for more than a month or 3. So now I just can't be arsed pursuing anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,365 Posted March 28, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 28, 2019 16 minutes ago, Rick said: In a bit of a weird rut at the moment. Been single since august 2017, since then ive seen a couple of people but nothing serious or long. The most recent lass i was seeing was in september, ive said it a few pages back but i liked this girl but for a variety of reasons it just didnt work out. Since then ive just had absolutely no motivation to date or anything. Which is a first for me because Ive always been the guy who constantly searches for 'the one' (cringe) and I have been doing that for the last 5 years. I cant even pretend to be interested in getting to know people now. I went on tinder and I was bored for the first time, had a couple of people message me but I realised pretty sharpish that i had no motivation to get to know them so I deleted that shit. I think im burned out. I dont have the optimistic view on dating lately like ive always had. I think subconciously I'm sick of getting fucked over and I need a long break from any and all dating. Has anybody else went through this sort of thing? Yep, can totally relate! Especially wanting to find 'the one'. Not only would it mean I put pressure on myself but also for the person I'd date. After I broke up with my ex in Jan 2018, I thought it'd only take me a few months to get over her and that I'd be ready to start dating by around April/May. Heavily underestimated that and realised through the dates that I went on that I just really wasn't ready for commitment, even if I kept telling myself it's early days, just enjoy it, see where it goes etc. Perhaps there wasn't that attraction that may have been there earlier, initially, but it was also about my own mindset as well. Went back on Tinder and felt the same as you. Anyone I'd match with I'd have the conversations etc, exchange numbers and then just not be that interested. It made me feel bad because perhaps I was also giving the wrong impression to that girl whoever it was but then I had to think about myself as well and not drag myself in to something I didn't want to be in. I think if you're burned out mate just give everything a break. That feeling of getting fucked over plays on your mind too much and then it clouds your judgement, and then that affects being able to give your best self and best first impression to someone. Don't go looking for anything or try too hard to find something that's not there. Eventually you'll know it in yourself to find someone and put yourself out there. You just have to be comfortable knowing that you need to have that time out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 29, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 29, 2019 Personally I just don't get this concept where you try to meet new people solely for the purpose of dating them, hoping that it will click and develop into a relationship eventually. It comes across as forced, rushed, unnatural, and - frankly - a bit desperate?.. Like, I find it a bit hard to put it into words, but for me it looks like many people are only trying to find a potential partner just because they want to be in a relationship, so they start going on dates with strangers looking for someone to fill that position. As compared to meeting someone naturally, having them in your social circle, then at some point realising that you're interested in them, and then starting to spend more time and do shit together if there's mutual attraction, which then either develops into a more serious relationship or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber RandoEFC+ 7,644 Posted March 29, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 29, 2019 21 hours ago, Rick said: In a bit of a weird rut at the moment. Been single since august 2017, since then ive seen a couple of people but nothing serious or long. The most recent lass i was seeing was in september, ive said it a few pages back but i liked this girl but for a variety of reasons it just didnt work out. Since then ive just had absolutely no motivation to date or anything. Which is a first for me because Ive always been the guy who constantly searches for 'the one' (cringe) and I have been doing that for the last 5 years. I cant even pretend to be interested in getting to know people now. I went on tinder and I was bored for the first time, had a couple of people message me but I realised pretty sharpish that i had no motivation to get to know them so I deleted that shit. I think im burned out. I dont have the optimistic view on dating lately like ive always had. I think subconciously I'm sick of getting fucked over and I need a long break from any and all dating. Has anybody else went through this sort of thing? I definitely relate to this. I've not had anything remotely serious for a long time, and I'm at the point where I'm pretty bored by anything that isn't going anywhere. I sleep easy though, I spend that extra time working on my own stuff, getting better at my job, exercising etc. I think doing that for a while has been good for my self esteem and stuff. For me it's a case of waiting until I'm pretty convinced I want to go after something because I don't want to waste my time on short term stuff that isn't going anywhere at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber RandoEFC+ 7,644 Posted March 29, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 29, 2019 10 hours ago, nudge said: Personally I just don't get this concept where you try to meet new people solely for the purpose of dating them, hoping that it will click and develop into a relationship eventually. It comes across as forced, rushed, unnatural, and - frankly - a bit desperate?.. Like, I find it a bit hard to put it into words, but for me it looks like many people are only trying to find a potential partner just because they want to be in a relationship, so they start going on dates with strangers looking for someone to fill that position. As compared to meeting someone naturally, having them in your social circle, then at some point realising that you're interested in them, and then starting to spend more time and do shit together if there's mutual attraction, which then either develops into a more serious relationship or not. Replied before I'd read this far down. When I'm surrounded by people who seem to constantly take to Tinder or jump from one short fling to the next because they can't bare to be on their own, it's a huge relief to see that I'm not the only person left in the world who would rather get to know someone fairly well before deciding whether there is an interest there or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 29, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 29, 2019 7 minutes ago, RandoEFC said: Replied before I'd read this far down. When I'm surrounded by people who seem to constantly take to Tinder or jump from one short fling to the next because they can't bare to be on their own, it's a huge relief to see that I'm not the only person left in the world who would rather get to know someone fairly well before deciding whether there is an interest there or not. I'm lucky in that sense as most of my friends also have similar mindset so I was never really exposed to such weird dating culture. I honestly struggle to grasp it as for me it is just the complete opposite of how I understand dating and relationships I mean, for me the only reason of getting into a relationship in the first place is having feelings for a certain someone, mutual attraction, and wanting to be with that specific person. Otherwise, I don't care about being in a relationship just for the sake of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 @nudge By social circle do you mean friends? Or like someone you’ve met through someone else and have been at mutual events together over time etc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,365 Posted March 30, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 30, 2019 16 hours ago, nudge said: As compared to meeting someone naturally, having them in your social circle, then at some point realising that you're interested in them, and then starting to spend more time and do shit together if there's mutual attraction, which then either develops into a more serious relationship or not. Serious risk of being friendzoned probably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber RandoEFC+ 7,644 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 1 hour ago, Stan said: Serious risk of being friendzoned probably. Hate that phrase. If you become good friends with someone and they're not interested in more, or vice versa, then that's just because there isn't a mutual attraction, nothing to do with whether you've allowed yourself to be "friendzoned". This whole myth about acting fast so you don't end up in the friend zone is just that, a myth. Ask someone out early and they might not know yet whether they're interested in you and they say yes, if you're not compatible then it won't last anyway and you'll probably lose that someone who would have been at least your friend otherwise. If you are compatible, being friends for a while first isn't going to somehow make you less compatible. That's how I see it anyway, obviously there are some exceptions and it depends on what you're looking for from someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 3 hours ago, RandoEFC said: Hate that phrase. If you become good friends with someone and they're not interested in more, or vice versa, then that's just because there isn't a mutual attraction, nothing to do with whether you've allowed yourself to be "friendzoned". This whole myth about acting fast so you don't end up in the friend zone is just that, a myth. Ask someone out early and they might not know yet whether they're interested in you and they say yes, if you're not compatible then it won't last anyway and you'll probably lose that someone who would have been at least your friend otherwise. If you are compatible, being friends for a while first isn't going to somehow make you less compatible. That's how I see it anyway, obviously there are some exceptions and it depends on what you're looking for from someone. Interesting. I don’t think I think like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 9 hours ago, Toinho said: @nudge By social circle do you mean friends? Or like someone you’ve met through someone else and have been at mutual events together over time etc? No, not necessarily friends. Friends, acquaintances, friends of friends, people you meet and interact in various situations regularly or semi-regularly over time, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that one can't feel attraction to a complete stranger that they've just met and relationships can't develop like that. Of course it's possible, after all, everyone we know has been a stranger to us at some point. There's definitely nothing wrong with finding someone you don't know physically attractive and asking them out in order to get to know them better and whatnot. If it happens, it happens. What I don't understand about the dating culture though is people relentlessly trying to meet new people through dating apps and the likes solely for the purpose of getting into a relationship and judging/treating every member of the opposite sex they meet that way as potential partners from the very start instead. For me it's a bit like putting up a job ad because you're looking for someone to fill a vacant position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,365 Posted March 30, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 30, 2019 7 hours ago, RandoEFC said: Hate that phrase. If you become good friends with someone and they're not interested in more, or vice versa, then that's just because there isn't a mutual attraction, nothing to do with whether you've allowed yourself to be "friendzoned". This whole myth about acting fast so you don't end up in the friend zone is just that, a myth. Ask someone out early and they might not know yet whether they're interested in you and they say yes, if you're not compatible then it won't last anyway and you'll probably lose that someone who would have been at least your friend otherwise. If you are compatible, being friends for a while first isn't going to somehow make you less compatible. That's how I see it anyway, obviously there are some exceptions and it depends on what you're looking for from someone. In my mind I had my comment as sometimes you can get led down the wrong path and being led to think there is a mutual attraction and then suddenly being told 'I think we should just be friends'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,365 Posted March 30, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 30, 2019 57 minutes ago, nudge said: What I don't understand about the dating culture though is people relentlessly trying to meet new people through dating apps and the likes solely for the purpose of getting into a relationship and judging/treating every member of the opposite sex they meet that way as potential partners from the very start instead. For me it's a bit like putting up a job ad because you're looking for someone to free a vacant position. I don't think everyone is relentless though. When I had Tinder before my last relationship I wasn't using it everyday and definitely wasn't as desperate to swipe right to anyone in an attempt to get some matches and just start a conversation with anyone. I know a couple that did and that was desperate. Sometimes though there can be that initial attraction from the start where you have that gut feeling that something could happen. I've never been one to move too fast in to a relationship and even if that gut feeling was there I'd still want to get to know that person before it progressed in to anything serous. And it's only fair to let that person know where you stand and whether you are looking for something eventually serious and the early stages are about familiarising yourself with one another on a personality level, not just mutual physical attraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carnivore Chris 2,606 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 It's best when in your late teens/early 20s and you're pretty much banging any girl you come across with no care in the world. As for dating sites, they can be a laugh but they are also a waste of time as they're full off divvies. There is a reason why most of them go on there. All the hottest women on there are also largely difficult to get through to as they will have shitloads of lads messaging them and won't even get to read alot of the messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 8 hours ago, Stan said: Serious risk of being friendzoned probably. I definitely agree with @RandoEFC there. In the end, it all comes down to how much mutual attraction and chemistry there is. The key word there is mutual, as I think the most situations where someone feels "friendzoned" arise because of wrong expectations and mismatched feelings - regardless if it's because of miscommunication, mixed signals, or simply being taken advantage of. As in you see a person as someone you want a romantic relationship with but they don't. Sadly happens all the time and the way I see it, "friendzone" is essentially just a synonym for one sided love/crush. It has nothing to do - or very little at least - with how you act, how you present yourself, what stupid dating games you play, how much effort you put into chasing or "pursuing" someone. Truth is, you can't force attraction or love; it happens when it happens and being friends with or just being nice to someone without leading them on definitely isn't a hindrance for development of attraction/feelings. People are wired differently of course, but while it's easy and takes little time to know if you find someone attractive, I find it definitely takes longer to realise if there's enough of mutual attraction, chemistry and compatibility to actually want to pursue a romantic relationship with them. Now when you put effort into meeting new people (I mean opposite sex) with relationship with them being the final goal and see them as potential partner from the very start, you put a lot of pressure on them and on yourself and with all those expectations, it's not surprising that people feel tired and burnt out when it doesn't work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 35 minutes ago, Stan said: I don't think everyone is relentless though. When I had Tinder before my last relationship I wasn't using it everyday and definitely wasn't as desperate to swipe right to anyone in an attempt to get some matches and just start a conversation with anyone. I know a couple that did and that was desperate. Sometimes though there can be that initial attraction from the start where you have that gut feeling that something could happen. I've never been one to move too fast in to a relationship and even if that gut feeling was there I'd still want to get to know that person before it progressed in to anything serous. And it's only fair to let that person know where you stand and whether you are looking for something eventually serious and the early stages are about familiarising yourself with one another on a personality level, not just mutual physical attraction. Definitely - my point is that people who go on Tinder or any other dating app/site or those who are consciously looking for a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" in any other way (I'm obviously not talking about those looking for a hookup only) are essentially looking for a relationship as their end goal and hope to find someone to fulfill that role - and for me, that feels like a wrong approach as I think it should be the other way around - as in one should start considering a relationship BECAUSE they are really attracted to a specific person and want him/her specifically. I understand that everyone wants to be loved and it's definitely nice to have someone who you care for and who cares for you, but seeking to get into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is what I don't get and what feels wrong to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,365 Posted March 30, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 30, 2019 6 minutes ago, nudge said: Definitely - my point is that people who go on Tinder or any other dating app/site or those who are consciously looking for a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" in any other way (I'm obviously not talking about those looking for a hookup only) are essentially looking for a relationship as their end goal and hope to find someone to fulfill that role - and for me, that feels like a wrong approach as I think it should be the other way around - as in one should start considering a relationship BECAUSE they are really attracted to a specific person and want him/her specifically. I understand that everyone wants to be loved and it's definitely nice to have someone who you care for and who cares for you, but seeking to get into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is what I don't get and what feels wrong to me. I agree. Especially so with the last bit. Which, going back to the discussion with @Rick I think it's only fair to yourself let alone anyone else to enter a relationship (or looking for one) when you feel totally ready, not just for having someone with no intention for something to happen later down the line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carnivore Chris 2,606 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 When it comes to dating sites, I went on them for a period last year, more so for a laugh. I ended up meeting around 5 off there. I was seeing one for a few months and another for around a month in which nothing developed from either in the end and I met a few others who just weren't on the same wavelength as me at all. In fact, the only one I would say I truly felt as though I had a connection with was one I spoke to for about 5 or so weeks but never actually met her due to the fact she lived in Birmingham. All the others I met other than 1(who was 29) were between the ages of 23 and 27, while the one I'd say I got on with the best was a 37 year old black woman(she looked more like 27-30 to be fair to her) from Birmingham. Birmingham is far too much of a trek so I stopped bothering talking to her, but I was video calling her for a while and we pretty much had all the same interests. If she'd lived closer, then it would have definitely been worth seeing what happened with her. All the others I spoke to were within 30 miles or so, but Birmingham is a mission away which is why I never bothered in the end. Dating sites are largely shite. It was a bit of fun to pass time on at work on my phone last year when it was quiet, but I agree with nudge in this respect;- it comes across as being a bit desperate when you're on them. One of them was showing me messages she received off lads and I was cringing like fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carnivore Chris 2,606 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 5 hours ago, Toinho said: Interesting. I don’t think I think like that. I know exactly how you think mate and it's not with your brain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berserker 1,332 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I dated a girl who i had known, had a crush for and been friends with for 5 years (though we had not seen each other for like 3 years), Berserker 1 Friendzone 0. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 On 21/01/2019 at 22:28, Toinho said: To those who have got engaged and then married (or not), did you live with your partner before proposing? Got a fair few friends over the years with a bit of both sides to the equation - just wondering how rare it is to propose before living together? I suspect I'm a rare case. I didn't live with my wife at all until the day we got married. Hadn't even slept over or gone on a holiday before that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 On 29/03/2019 at 18:28, nudge said: Personally I just don't get this concept where you try to meet new people solely for the purpose of dating them, hoping that it will click and develop into a relationship eventually. It comes across as forced, rushed, unnatural, and - frankly - a bit desperate?.. Like, I find it a bit hard to put it into words, but for me it looks like many people are only trying to find a potential partner just because they want to be in a relationship, so they start going on dates with strangers looking for someone to fill that position. As compared to meeting someone naturally, having them in your social circle, then at some point realising that you're interested in them, and then starting to spend more time and do shit together if there's mutual attraction, which then either develops into a more serious relationship or not. That's a lovely sentiment but many people find this hard, and the current generation spend less time out and about meeting people so there are less opportunities... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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