Dr. Gonzo 8,185 Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 3 hours ago, JOSHBRFC said: Split with the Mother of my child. Unfortunately after trying for a while, we agreed it wasn't working any more. So i left her with everything and i've started from scratch in my own place. Surprisingly i'm in a better place mentally than i thought i would be. Hate dropping my daughter off and leaving her etc that's the 1 thing i struggle with.. but we've kept a good relationship and it's very amicable for her sake. Sorry to hear that - that's a bit shit, even though you're in a better place mentally than you thought you'd be. It's gotta be tough leaving your daughter, I feel for you there. But you're doing a good thing being on good terms with your ex - as @True Blue said, it'll make it easier for your daughter to accept. And you'll always be there for your daughter, even if you can't physically always be around - she'll know this and you and her mum being on good terms will always mean you'll be able to be around your daughter when you most need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber JoshBRFC+ 1,388 Posted October 8, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted October 8, 2019 17 hours ago, Stan said: Sad to hear mate (I thought you'd split before but sounds like you tried to give it a go again?). The last bit is the most important bit - your child needs to see as much as possible a 'happy' relationship between the parents instead of constant fighting, arguing, bickering etc so it's good to see there's the amicable side still there. 17 hours ago, Bluewolf said: Shame it never worked out mate... On the plus side you may find having your own space and time alone does tend to clear the mind as you have already mentioned.. Good that you are both keeping things balanced for your daughters sake though.. 17 hours ago, True Blue said: Sorry to hear this mate, especially for the daughter part. Glad you are better now as people who love each other can stop, stop loving or stop trying. Don't let it get you down, and it is good that you and your ex are left on a good note meaning it will be easier for your daughter to accept it. I was without my father since i was 5 and he never really gave a effort to try with me, that is probably why we have no contact as he wants it now almost 30 years after and asks other people about my wife and photos of my wedding etc. Never be that man but knowing you from this forum i know it won't be that but the opposite of it all. 14 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said: Sorry to hear that - that's a bit shit, even though you're in a better place mentally than you thought you'd be. It's gotta be tough leaving your daughter, I feel for you there. But you're doing a good thing being on good terms with your ex - as @True Blue said, it'll make it easier for your daughter to accept. And you'll always be there for your daughter, even if you can't physically always be around - she'll know this and you and her mum being on good terms will always mean you'll be able to be around your daughter when you most need to. Cheers lads. Yeah we get on better now than we had for the last 12 months we were together.I see my daughter during the week at least once and sometimes to stay over depending on my shifts and then she stays at the weekend too. She will always come first, no matter what. It baffles me when parents aren't there for their kids. She's without a doubt the most important person on this planet and nobody will ever come close. Not to preach but i've just kept busy, mainly with work but also getting fitter aswell. Going on random runs at 5am before work. I seem to have developed a bit of a beer belly haha. And also random things like cooking which is out of my comfort zone instead of takeaways etc. It's weird but she said before we split that mentally she couldn't help me as she was making me worse and i didn't agree at the time. But now i do... obviously not on purpose as she is a good person. I'll never sit here and abuse her, she's the mother of my child. I'll always love her for giving me such a beautiful perfect little girl. But i've had my problems for years mentally since the loss of my Father. It gradually got worse as i never spoke about it and my mind became a dark place. Horrible... and all i can say is time and time again to any of you that ever have any demons... speak! Learn from my mistakes. My inspiration for getting better was the birth of my daughter. My whole outlook on life changed that day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teso dos Bichos 1,019 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 19 minutes ago, JOSHBRFC said: Cheers lads. Yeah we get on better now than we had for the last 12 months we were together.I see my daughter during the week at least once and sometimes to stay over depending on my shifts and then she stays at the weekend too. She will always come first, no matter what. It baffles me when parents aren't there for their kids. She's without a doubt the most important person on this planet and nobody will ever come close. Not to preach but i've just kept busy, mainly with work but also getting fitter aswell. Going on random runs at 5am before work. I seem to have developed a bit of a beer belly haha. And also random things like cooking which is out of my comfort zone instead of takeaways etc. It's weird but she said before we split that mentally she couldn't help me as she was making me worse and i didn't agree at the time. But now i do... obviously not on purpose as she is a good person. I'll never sit here and abuse her, she's the mother of my child. I'll always love her for giving me such a beautiful perfect little girl. But i've had my problems for years mentally since the loss of my Father. It gradually got worse as i never spoke about it and my mind became a dark place. Horrible... and all i can say is time and time again to any of you that ever have any demons... speak! Learn from my mistakes. My inspiration for getting better was the birth of my daughter. My whole outlook on life changed that day. I'm sorry about the loss of your dad... mine is still "around" but he has never been a real parent, dont hate him just dont have anything to say to him. Now my mother or my grandmas, I can see how I would develop problems because like you, I keep most to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewolf 7,161 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 2 hours ago, JOSHBRFC said: But i've had my problems for years mentally since the loss of my Father. It gradually got worse as i never spoke about it and my mind became a dark place. My other half said to me that I changed after the loss of my Father, she reckons I lost some of my sense of humour.. I never felt it myself but sometimes you see more looking in than you do looking out.. When someone has been with you a long time their judgement is normally sound and they pick up on all the little things you might normally dismiss as nothing... Can't say my fathers death didn't affect me because it did but I had a great relationship with him and we used to spend a lot of time together either working or down the pub so although I had one or two regrets about his passing I had none with regard to the time we spent together.. It was quality time and I learnt a lot from him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber Pyfish+ 2,773 Posted October 8, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted October 8, 2019 Really surprised how mature we all are when it comes to talking about serious adult stuff I'm 3 months into my new relationship and all is well and I'm so much more happier than with the previous. Decided that looks weren't everything and went for someone who I got along with emotionally and mentally and the fact she's not an ugly trout is obviously a bonus. Mentally, I'm so much better now and physically and emotionally I'm now starting to work towards where I was a few years back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamer7 1 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Today I just got into a argument with my wife of 5 years. She called me at work crying thinking that I was cheating on her. She found some spam email about cam xxx chat and she thinks that I`m looking at other women because I don't love her. I asked her why is it OK if we watch porn/cams together and laugh about it, but when T look at porn it`s wrong, it`s cheating, disgusting etc... I understand if I look at porn/cams 24/7 then yes it`s a problem, but once in a blue moon it`s that wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 11 hours ago, Dreamer7 said: Married men live longer while married women have more stress and die sooner. Source Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinji Doherty 16 Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Went on a Tinder date last night. Absolute fucking car crash. She was a pretentious prick, with serious ideas above her station. Zero attraction, but I was at least polite, her, not so much. Sacked an hour in, home, back on Tinder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inverted 1,776 Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 Currently I'm reaching an awkward stage in a casual thing I've been in for a few months. It was a tinder date where we had sex on the first meeting (never done that before), and then it just became a kind of regular hook-up. We got along well pretty quickly but I had zero interest in committing to anything since I was still getting over the end of my longest relationship in March, so we agreed to keep things casual and not put any labels on it. In the early days we were still seeing other people, as we agreed. In the last kinda 6 weeks I've been in a lower mood so I was doing less dating, and she has also recently said it's been a while since she's seen anyone else. We still haven't made any rule about it, but it seemed slightly awkward. Our conversations naturally have become more personal, and it's getting to the point where we're sharing more and more personal things. It's made it a weird situation where technically it's an open relationship, but we're not seeing other people, and technically we're just FWBs, but we are getting kinda close emotionally. It's something I'll need to come to some kind of decision about eventually, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 Gf should be moving in during December. But we may move house in January depending on jobs. Adulting times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 21 minutes ago, Toinho said: Gf should be moving in during December. But we may move house in January depending on jobs. Adulting times! Ever lived with a partner before mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 4 minutes ago, Harry said: Ever lived with a partner before mate? I have not, Ive travelled with a partner for 12 weeks though. Not the same I know but that is unique as it is. There’s no breaks there! I’ve spent the majority of the past 5 years living alone. I’ve lived with mates before but yeah not a partner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 1 hour ago, Toinho said: I have not, Ive travelled with a partner for 12 weeks though. Not the same I know but that is unique as it is. There’s no breaks there! I’ve spent the majority of the past 5 years living alone. I’ve lived with mates before but yeah not a partner Good luck mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,380 Posted November 10, 2019 Administrator Share Posted November 10, 2019 7 hours ago, Toinho said: Gf should be moving in during December. But we may move house in January depending on jobs. Adulting times! Er, I hope we're keeping the main room? She can have the spare room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeadLinesman 5,938 Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 7 hours ago, Toinho said: Gf should be moving in during December. But we may move house in January depending on jobs. Adulting times! Can’t believe you’ve done this to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
True Blue 971 Posted November 11, 2019 Share Posted November 11, 2019 On 10/11/2019 at 01:52, Toinho said: Gf should be moving in during December. But we may move house in January depending on jobs. Adulting times! Well fuck me i thought you dated men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,380 Posted January 6, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 6, 2020 Had an expensive shopping trip today... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber RandoEFC+ 7,661 Posted January 6, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 6, 2020 20 minutes ago, Stan said: Had an expensive shopping trip today... Buying a ring or just the regular? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,380 Posted January 6, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 6, 2020 1 minute ago, RandoEFC said: Buying a ring or just the regular? The former! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber Pyfish+ 2,773 Posted January 6, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 6, 2020 22 minutes ago, Stan said: The former! Don't do it! do you have any ideas of how you're going to do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,380 Posted January 6, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, Pyfish said: Don't do it! do you have any ideas of how you're going to do it? Yep, all planned. Shall remain under wraps for now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber Storts+ 2,424 Posted January 6, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 6, 2020 Good luck Stan. Sorry to take it down a more depressing route again but I'm a bit lost. As I said I think a few weeks ago in one of the mafia wars topics I broke up with my girlfriend of four and a half year in December - same week I lost my job during the election. It's really hard to take obviously. It was long distance, her in the US, me here, other than a 6 month spell when she lived here with me it's been a lot of back and forth, and travelling to places across the world. It was getting to the point that it was going to need to progress to the next stage, probably me moving there, which I have always had reservations about, but would have been prepared to do. I'm not pretending things were perfect, they weren't, but I did not see it coming - as she wanted to be alone - and I don't think she was ready or prepared for me to move, or us to get engaged etc. I think she had some doubts about the long term future and so called it off - saying she needed to be alone. I think the fact as I mentioned me losing my job meant it was a perfect opportunity to start discussing the future may have spooked her but who knows. Either way it's been really hard to take. Terrible timing - we had loads of plans for the holiday period which needed to be cancelled - but that's just a short-term thing. In the long run I'm definitely lost and confused. I've never had a proper break up - I was so invested in this and now left with what feels like 4 and a half years of my prime wasted. I'm 28 now - I just don't feel like I want to start again, to go through all the process again. I guess I thought that was me forever, and now it's gone, I don't know what to do. Everyone always says time is the healer etc. it will get easier, I'm sure that's right - but I'm just stuck in a rut and have no real motivation to find a way out of it. Single, unemployed and spurs are shit. What's the point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicero 5,267 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 @Storts You are still very young. It’ll pass, and the best tip is to rid of everything that reminds you of her. If you have any money in savings, I’d recommend going on a holiday with your mates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,380 Posted January 6, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 6, 2020 Thanks @Storts. Very sorry to hear of your break-up. There's probably not much more that I can say that you probably haven't heard already from your friends/family. When I broke up with my previous girlfriend of 2 years I felt in the same place as you. Lost. In a rut. Confused. Broken. Demotivated. It's just the 'grief' part and with any kind of grief it takes time to get over. Sometimes longer than others. Is it totally over, as in no leeway to start again with her or continue in future? Sounds corny but I took a lot of support from friends/family. They supported me when I broke up with her but also the 'aftermath'. I went on holiday with one of my mates and that did help. If only to take my mind away from daily life and trying to get over the process of being single again. I think another thing that's important is to find something to occupy yourself - quite serious not to make yourself feel worse by wallowing in self-pity or getting deeper in to the rut. Maybe finding work again is the priority before getting stuck in to a new relationship. I found it took me nearly 6 months to start dating again and even then I didn't feel I was ready. Took me a while to feel that readiness again but that does come with time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber Storts+ 2,424 Posted January 6, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 6, 2020 41 minutes ago, Cicero said: @Storts You are still very young. It’ll pass, and the best tip is to rid of everything that reminds you of her. If you have any money in savings, I’d recommend going on a holiday with your mates. I don't feel it. Yeah - but the problem is that's a lot - so many clothes, memories, you know just little things - everything is going to remind me of her right now so it's not really practical. I have some, but at the same time I feel like I need to be sensible now. Doing long distance is really expensive, so I've never really had the opportunity to save properly, so now I feel like I've wasted this time, and at a point in my life where I should be looking to buy somewhere etc I'm just nowhere near it, but I should be sensible and the savings I do have should be kept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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