Subscriber Storts+ 2,424 Posted January 6, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 6, 2020 38 minutes ago, Stan said: Thanks @Storts. Very sorry to hear of your break-up. There's probably not much more that I can say that you probably haven't heard already from your friends/family. When I broke up with my previous girlfriend of 2 years I felt in the same place as you. Lost. In a rut. Confused. Broken. Demotivated. It's just the 'grief' part and with any kind of grief it takes time to get over. Sometimes longer than others. Is it totally over, as in no leeway to start again with her or continue in future? Sounds corny but I took a lot of support from friends/family. They supported me when I broke up with her but also the 'aftermath'. I went on holiday with one of my mates and that did help. If only to take my mind away from daily life and trying to get over the process of being single again. I think another thing that's important is to find something to occupy yourself - quite serious not to make yourself feel worse by wallowing in self-pity or getting deeper in to the rut. Maybe finding work again is the priority before getting stuck in to a new relationship. I found it took me nearly 6 months to start dating again and even then I didn't feel I was ready. Took me a while to feel that readiness again but that does come with time. I don't think so. It was kind of left open in the sense that she may realise in the future what she wants etc. but I think for me in my head it has to be considered done and over with - as my said she hopes by the time she realises what she's lost it will be too late and I'll be happier with someone else. Yeah my friends have been good, because it's just not quite the same - they can't fill the void I've realised, nobody can. There's only so many hours in the day you can fill before you're alone with your own thoughts. Yeah I definitely do need to do that - I can't sit around all day because it only makes it worse. I'm definitely not ready to even think about dating again, and I can't see me being so for some time - but I do need something to occupy my time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicero 5,267 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Nothing wrong with being a slag for a few months before you’re ready to date. Honestly if she is the one for you, you should do everything in your power to make her realise that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny 2,203 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Storts said: I don't feel it. Yeah - but the problem is that's a lot - so many clothes, memories, you know just little things - everything is going to remind me of her right now so it's not really practical. I have some, but at the same time I feel like I need to be sensible now. Doing long distance is really expensive, so I've never really had the opportunity to save properly, so now I feel like I've wasted this time, and at a point in my life where I should be looking to buy somewhere etc I'm just nowhere near it, but I should be sensible and the savings I do have should be kept. If it helps Storts I spent 6 months living in the front room of my childhood council house this year and I have not a pot to piss in in terms of savings...but it’s all good, plenty of time left yet Youre too young to be worrying about houses and mortgages, take some time to lick your wounds and as much as people say do what you can to stay busy, it’s also normal just to sit through it at times. Then do yourself an absolute favour and do a year abroad in Australia or New Zealand (or just a few months), what you can live and experience out there is nothing short of life changing. So much more to life than mortgages, property ladders etc. 50s the new 30 so you’ve got plenty of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,378 Posted January 6, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 6, 2020 29 minutes ago, Storts said: I don't feel it. Yeah - but the problem is that's a lot - so many clothes, memories, you know just little things - everything is going to remind me of her right now so it's not really practical. I have some, but at the same time I feel like I need to be sensible now. Doing long distance is really expensive, so I've never really had the opportunity to save properly, so now I feel like I've wasted this time, and at a point in my life where I should be looking to buy somewhere etc I'm just nowhere near it, but I should be sensible and the savings I do have should be kept. Time is never wasted! You're 28 - same as I was up to recently and I've been pressured to do this or that by a certain age. It's not good to feel like that and if you've been able to learn something from this (if not now, then in future when you're over it) it's not wasted at all. It's not a rule to have a house, married, kids etc etc by a certain age. We all have a dream and hope to have such things or some of them by a certain age but just because you don't doesn't mean you've wasted anything. Fore some people it happens, others it just happens at a later time. 24 minutes ago, Storts said: I don't think so. It was kind of left open in the sense that she may realise in the future what she wants etc. but I think for me in my head it has to be considered done and over with - as my said she hopes by the time she realises what she's lost it will be too late and I'll be happier with someone else. Yeah my friends have been good, because it's just not quite the same - they can't fill the void I've realised, nobody can. There's only so many hours in the day you can fill before you're alone with your own thoughts. Yeah I definitely do need to do that - I can't sit around all day because it only makes it worse. I'm definitely not ready to even think about dating again, and I can't see me being so for some time - but I do need something to occupy my time. Given how fresh it is having broken up with her it will feel like the void can't be filled forever. But gradually getting in to something (and stick with Spurs...!) can help in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 On 10/11/2019 at 08:52, Toinho said: Gf should be moving in during December. But we may move house in January depending on jobs. Adulting times! Jobs changed this but she will be here 2-3 nights a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 Sorry to hear @Storts Is there a chance she just needs a little time to process things or do you feel it’s final? If you feel she’s the one, and as hard as it may be, let her know. As for @Stan, exciting mate. I’m leaning towards that path myself sometime this year, but the whole choosing the right ring that she would like is going to be difficult. See how things go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,378 Posted January 7, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 7, 2020 4 hours ago, Toinho said: As for @Stan, exciting mate. I’m leaning towards that path myself sometime this year, but the whole choosing the right ring that she would like is going to be difficult. See how things go. Yep exciting indeed! I I thought that about the ring as well but I went window shopping with her a couple of times to get an idea of her preference and ring size so when it came to actually getting it it was fairly easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 57 minutes ago, Stan said: Yep exciting indeed! I I thought that about the ring as well but I went window shopping with her a couple of times to get an idea of her preference and ring size so when it came to actually getting it it was fairly easy. Ya that sounds a decent idea. My gf doesn’t even wear jewellery on 95% of occasions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,378 Posted January 7, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 7, 2020 29 minutes ago, Toinho said: Ya that sounds a decent idea. My gf doesn’t even wear jewellery on 95% of occasions. It was also good knowing people in the jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. Got the ring custom made and saved over £700... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 57 minutes ago, Stan said: It was also good knowing people in the jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. Got the ring custom made and saved over £700... Imagine how many nice things you could’ve bought yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeadLinesman 5,938 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Toinho said: Ya that sounds a decent idea. My gf doesn’t even wear jewellery on 95% of occasions. Not the only thing she doesn’t wear 95% of the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 14 hours ago, Storts said: Good luck Stan. Sorry to take it down a more depressing route again but I'm a bit lost. As I said I think a few weeks ago in one of the mafia wars topics I broke up with my girlfriend of four and a half year in December - same week I lost my job during the election. It's really hard to take obviously. It was long distance, her in the US, me here, other than a 6 month spell when she lived here with me it's been a lot of back and forth, and travelling to places across the world. It was getting to the point that it was going to need to progress to the next stage, probably me moving there, which I have always had reservations about, but would have been prepared to do. I'm not pretending things were perfect, they weren't, but I did not see it coming - as she wanted to be alone - and I don't think she was ready or prepared for me to move, or us to get engaged etc. I think she had some doubts about the long term future and so called it off - saying she needed to be alone. I think the fact as I mentioned me losing my job meant it was a perfect opportunity to start discussing the future may have spooked her but who knows. Either way it's been really hard to take. Terrible timing - we had loads of plans for the holiday period which needed to be cancelled - but that's just a short-term thing. In the long run I'm definitely lost and confused. I've never had a proper break up - I was so invested in this and now left with what feels like 4 and a half years of my prime wasted. I'm 28 now - I just don't feel like I want to start again, to go through all the process again. I guess I thought that was me forever, and now it's gone, I don't know what to do. Everyone always says time is the healer etc. it will get easier, I'm sure that's right - but I'm just stuck in a rut and have no real motivation to find a way out of it. Single, unemployed and spurs are shit. What's the point Sorry to hear that mate. Very rough. I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to be saving for a house or anything right now though. It sounds like you've been dealt a double blow, you've more than earned the right to wallow for a bit, then get away for a bit of a breather. Any chance you've got enough cash stowed away to go backpacking on a shoestring budget? Somewhere with a bit of sun that wouldn't deplete the savings too much, and maybe one from where you can monitor the job market from afar? In the meantime I'd suggest building some thing's into your daily routine. A cup of coffee out of your house every day. A stop at the gym, or off site exercise routine. Some time planning a trip. Pick a skill you want to build. Maybe up your forum time. And pick a fixed amount of time you'll devote each mon-fri towards working on employment - Job apps, maintaining professional contacts or working your network on linked in. That's basically my plan of what I'll be doing when I'm next out of work but can only imagine how tough it must be given your situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 16 hours ago, Danny said: If it helps Storts I spent 6 months living in the front room of my childhood council house this year and I have not a pot to piss in in terms of savings...but it’s all good, plenty of time left yet Youre too young to be worrying about houses and mortgages, take some time to lick your wounds and as much as people say do what you can to stay busy, it’s also normal just to sit through it at times. Then do yourself an absolute favour and do a year abroad in Australia or New Zealand (or just a few months), what you can live and experience out there is nothing short of life changing. So much more to life than mortgages, property ladders etc. 50s the new 30 so you’ve got plenty of time. Fuck yes! Storts I'll shout you a night out on the beers in Melbourne! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeadLinesman 5,938 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 @Storts Gutted for you mate. Only seems like yesterday you two met. Only ever saw the pictures of you guys looking happy. If you can’t work things out, things will get easier, I promise. My best mate has met the love of her life at 35. I’ve been very fortunate in that I met the love of my life at 19 and we’ve been happily married for 12 years now with 2 kids. What people don’t realise in the Facebook/Instagram era is that the happy days are for show. People don’t see the arguments, tears and hard work that goes on behind the scenes to make relationships work. I love my wife more than ever, but equally loathe her in equal doses and she says the same. The perfect relationship has to be imperfect. Don’t left anyone tell you different because they’re just lying to themselves. Chin up X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber CaaC (John)+ 5,358 Posted January 7, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 7, 2020 Sorry to hear that @Storts buddy, me and the wife have been married now for over 46 years gone last Dec but we have had our ups & downs and now we have grandson's our life is complete but our son has split up with his wife of 13 years and our daughter split up with her long term partner after 14 years so life can be a bastard some times but they are happy they have children to fall back on and their mum & dad (me and the wife). But as me and the wife said to them you are both still young and have years ahead of you so enjoy life while you can and maybe you will meet someone else, you never know, you are young Storts and you have a long life ahead of you, enjoy it, buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber JoshBRFC+ 1,388 Posted January 8, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 8, 2020 On 06/01/2020 at 16:58, Storts said: Good luck Stan. Sorry to take it down a more depressing route again but I'm a bit lost. As I said I think a few weeks ago in one of the mafia wars topics I broke up with my girlfriend of four and a half year in December - same week I lost my job during the election. It's really hard to take obviously. It was long distance, her in the US, me here, other than a 6 month spell when she lived here with me it's been a lot of back and forth, and travelling to places across the world. It was getting to the point that it was going to need to progress to the next stage, probably me moving there, which I have always had reservations about, but would have been prepared to do. I'm not pretending things were perfect, they weren't, but I did not see it coming - as she wanted to be alone - and I don't think she was ready or prepared for me to move, or us to get engaged etc. I think she had some doubts about the long term future and so called it off - saying she needed to be alone. I think the fact as I mentioned me losing my job meant it was a perfect opportunity to start discussing the future may have spooked her but who knows. Either way it's been really hard to take. Terrible timing - we had loads of plans for the holiday period whic what feels like 4 and a half years of my ph needed to be cancelled - but that's just a short-term thing. In the long run I'm definitely lost and confused. I've never had a proper break up - I was so invested in this and now left withrime wasted. I'm 28 now - I just don't feel like I want to start again, to go through all the process again. I guess I thought that was me forever, and now it's gone, I don't know what to do. Everyone always says time is the healer etc. it will get easier, I'm sure that's right - but I'm just stuck in a rut and have no real motivation to find a way out of it. Single, unemployed and spurs are shit. What's the point Get out and about and see friends, not being a cunt here but even get back on the bike if that's what will help you move on. The times when i am on my own i've kept busy.. I went on a mad one the first couple of months with women... and pissed quite a few off because i don't want another relationship... and i've since calmed down the last month or 2 When i split with my girlfriend of 7 years back in July, i was devastated and at the low of the low for about 2 weeks. I slept in my car at one point for about 3 nights and when certain friends found out they went absolutely crazy at me, but i needed to be on my own and don't regret it. I was more gutted because i never wanted to be a weekend Dad... but soon learned and accepted that it's worse to stay together for the kids sake and now every few days when i see her it's the highlight of my week. You won't think it now, but in time you'll understand why you had to go through this bad time and look back and think it made the man you became. All the best mate, the main thing in your situation is being unemployed - you need something to get up each day for and something to motivate you, everything else will come naturally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,378 Posted January 27, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 27, 2020 How you coping @Storts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber Storts+ 2,424 Posted January 28, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 28, 2020 On 27/01/2020 at 14:31, Stan said: How you coping @Storts? Doing alright - thanks Stan. Learning to cope a bit better with it - had a job interview yesterday so progressing on that front, and slowly feeling a bit better about life, although obviously at times slip back into the feeling sorry for myself. Speak with ex every now and again, just general chit chat and catch up - found it's the best way for me to cope at the moment. Not cold turkey, giving space and going days at a time with no contact, but at least speaking when I feel like I need to. It's definitely done though as a romantic thing. Don't think there's a way back. Thanks to all for your comments before btw and sorry for not responding on them, found it quite difficult to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,378 Posted January 28, 2020 Administrator Share Posted January 28, 2020 37 minutes ago, Storts said: Doing alright - thanks Stan. Learning to cope a bit better with it - had a job interview yesterday so progressing on that front, and slowly feeling a bit better about life, although obviously at times slip back into the feeling sorry for myself. Speak with ex every now and again, just general chit chat and catch up - found it's the best way for me to cope at the moment. Not cold turkey, giving space and going days at a time with no contact, but at least speaking when I feel like I need to. It's definitely done though as a romantic thing. Don't think there's a way back. Thanks to all for your comments before btw and sorry for not responding on them, found it quite difficult to. Sounds positive. Superbowl on Sunday to take your mind off it even more if you're gonna watch it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber CaaC (John)+ 5,358 Posted January 28, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Storts said: Thanks to all for your comments before btw and sorry for not responding on them, found it quite difficult to. Glad you are ok, as I mentioned our son & daughter have split up with wife and partner and as I told them life goes on, just on a year now but our son still speaks to his ex and they are on good speaking terms, he tried his own digs (flat) at first but it was costing him a bomb with rent, gas & electric etc and as he works with a private taxi firm he has the ware & tare of the taxi to think about and petrol etc When our daughter split up she stayed with us for 6 months until she got her own flat but at the time it was great with her and the 2 grandsons staying here and me & Liz bloody enjoyed it, when the 3 left we were both lost really as the place was dead quiet lol. Our daughter told Darren her big bruv he was just as well staying with us until he got himself sorted out money-wise which he took her advice and moved in with us and we don't let him pay rent the same as the daughter when she was here but he helps out with the food bill and we have a free taxi service on hand The good thing is he takes his son every 2 weeks at the weekends and they both stay here so we have the second eldest grandson Alexander (12) to see and it's great, our son is finding his feet now and has been seeing a lady for the last 2 months who lives in Perth and he drives up and sees her, I gather he is on the razzle as he stays there some nights horny little bastard. Keep your chin up @Storts and enjoy watching your yids play, once a yid always a yid as I say to a Spurs friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eco 3,008 Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 All forms of relationships are a kind of struggle, especially when their are kids involved. Wife and I have been on rocky terms for 6-8 months now. Neither one of us seem to be happy, and while I think we are both fantastic parents, once our girl goes to bed, the wife and I just do our own thing, and this is an every night occurrence. I've spoken to some of my buddies, and I have mentioned that I have thought that it would be much easier if I knew that she just loved someone else, but I know that isn't my wife's personality. She is very loyal, but very okay with our lack of communication. But alas, we continue to go about our way of doing things and we'll see what comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 7 hours ago, Eco said: All forms of relationships are a kind of struggle, especially when their are kids involved. Wife and I have been on rocky terms for 6-8 months now. Neither one of us seem to be happy, and while I think we are both fantastic parents, once our girl goes to bed, the wife and I just do our own thing, and this is an every night occurrence. I've spoken to some of my buddies, and I have mentioned that I have thought that it would be much easier if I knew that she just loved someone else, but I know that isn't my wife's personality. She is very loyal, but very okay with our lack of communication. But alas, we continue to go about our way of doing things and we'll see what comes. I can relate to this mate. Went through some similar shit two and a half years back which I posted about here. In our case it was born out of complacency and fatigue, and a trend of me getting increasingly more annoyed at the amount she was working when we had a young child, but not coming out and saying it, but it drove her to feel very unappreciated... It's been resolved now, but it needed to come to a head and really provide a bit of a jolt to snap us out of our habits and bring us both back to the table of saying we want to work at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,378 Posted February 17, 2020 Administrator Share Posted February 17, 2020 Customary engagement pictures Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber CaaC (John)+ 5,358 Posted February 17, 2020 Subscriber Share Posted February 17, 2020 8 minutes ago, Stan said: Customary engagement picture Congratulations again, you both look a happy couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewolf 7,161 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 2 hours ago, CaaC (John) said: Congratulations again, you both look a happy couple. Yea it all starts out like that but we all now how it ends right John??? Seriously though, Congratulations @Stan good luck to the pair of you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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