Mental Health

[Berserker]

1 hour ago, Danny said:

I was hoping to ignore the previous but I've only just seen @Salford Kel post.

To clarify, me having a sense of humour doesn't mean I know how to deal with my problems, it actually means the opposite. My sense of humour is generally used to bypass having to show vulnerability or my emotions. I don't make jokes about having cancer because I could see the bright side, I do it because it means I can share my experience with people without having to share the times where I obsessively thought about it, nearly had a full on breakdown on a bus or wanted to kill myself. My humour allows me to cover up the depression that caused me to want to kill myself by pointing out irony of a potentially terminal disease causing me depression that led to suicidal thoughts, that my escape from something that was trying to kill me was to think about killing myself. That isn't looking on the bright side, that's just hiding my emotions from people.

I know cancer is a disease where you may think "fair enough" for going through depression so I'll move into my OCD. The "not so bad" end of my OCD would involve not being able to eat at other people's houses as a child for fear of germs, staying at their houses but running over to mine when it was time for dinner or a snack. Sometimes it's the pure anger and frustration I feel when my clothes hangers aren't all facing the same way or if I knock my hand on something and then have to mimic that with my other hand so it doesn't feel wrong.

The "pretty fucking bad" end of my OCD includes having intrusive thoughts that I cannot control, that have flooded my brain with images of pedophilia that I thought I was turning into one. Intrusive thoughts  made me depressed, sleep deprived and made me decide that I would kill myself if I struggled to control myself. I had no idea that I was suffering with intrusive thoughts, I had no idea that this was in actual fact OCD, just that I was turning into a monster and spent nights talking to myself about how wrong it was and that I'd need to commit suicide in case anything happened.

So yeah I've developed know a good joke here and there, but my humour walks hand in hand with my mental health issues.

Great post mate, it takes a lot of courage to do that. Have you gone to a psychologist for enough sessions?, did they prescribe you pills?, if so, did they help you?

1 hour ago, Spike said:

Not a dig in anyway (I hope it doesn't come off in such a manner, but text has that funny way of doing it over words), but I feel like @Danny can get really worked up on here especially on certain threads. I remember you called me a 'misogynist' because we disagree on something (I think I said something like 'the sexual revolution was just a way for to manipulate women into being sluttier' to me that is a degradation of feminine modesty and self-respect, to someone else that may be empowering) . Does having a short fuse or being irritable tie in with your issues? 

I always listen and respect people views on life, religion, and politics but when people throw around very insulting terms like 'misogynist', 'sexist', or even 'racist' I get very worked up because I feel none of those things. It does feel like condescension, a way of lauding 'moral superioty' over others. Quite frankly I don't think any political or religious view is inherently good or evil/right or wrong, it's just the application of it. 

To be fair you were guilty of that before too. And also if it bothers you so much to be called that then don't bring it upon yourself by bringing controversial topics into discussion. Personally i don't find those terms insulting at all and couldn't give a rat's arse if someone called me them. 

[Danny]

1 hour ago, Spike said:

Not a dig in anyway (I hope it doesn't come off in such a manner, but text has that funny way of doing it over words), but I feel like @Danny can get really worked up on here especially on certain threads. I remember you called me a 'misogynist' because we disagree on something (I think I said something like 'the sexual revolution was just a way for to manipulate women into being sluttier' to me that is a degradation of feminine modesty and self-respect, to someone else that may be empowering) . Does having a short fuse or being irritable tie in with your issues? 

I always listen and respect people views on life, religion, and politics but when people throw around very insulting terms like 'misogynist', 'sexist', or even 'racist' I get very worked up because I feel none of those things. It does feel like condescension, a way of lauding 'moral superioty' over others. Quite frankly I don't think any political or religious view is inherently good or evil/right or wrong, it's just the application of it. 

You made a comment about feminism being there so you can get your dick sucked which was why I reacted, but yes I am argumentative and pedantic and it's got to the point where my girlfriend has to warn me she's about to talk figuratively and not literally just so I understand what she means rather than argue with what she's about to say.

It makes me think it could be somewhat Aspergers related because of my need to argue, pedantic nature, need to be right and lack of interest in what someone else's is saying and desire to bring the conversation back to me.

[Spike]

6 minutes ago, Danny said:

You made a comment about feminism being there so you can get your dick sucked which was why I reacted, but yes I am argumentative and pedantic and it's got to the point where my girlfriend has to warn me she's about to talk figuratively and not literally just so I understand what she means rather than argue with what she's about to say.

It makes me think it could be somewhat Aspergers related because of my need to argue, pedantic nature, need to be right and lack of interest in what someone else's is saying and desire to bring the conversation back to me.

That wasn't my statement. It was a crticism of the second wave of feminism championed by men in the free sex movement of the 60s.The reduction of sexuality for women to be on par with men when the function and biology between the two sexes is vastly different (women become pregnant for instance). I support equal rights, I support freedom of choice but I believe there is a dangerous precedent if differences between sexes are no longer perceived in a broader social sense. The emotional ramifications are often understated. I think you misread my statement as literal as opposed to figurative. 

[Danny]

1 minute ago, Spike said:

That wasn't my statement. It was a crticism of the second wave of feminism championed by men in the free sex movement of the 60s.The reduction of sexuality for women to be on par with men when the function and biology between the two sexes is vastly different (women become pregnant for instance). I support equal rights, I support freedom of choice but I believe there is a dangerous precedent if differences between sexes are no longer perceived in a broader social sense. The emotional ramifications are often understated. I think you misread my statement as literal as opposed to figurative. 

There's a possibility I did but let's leave the specifics of that debate to a different topic 😊

[Spike]

43 minutes ago, NeymarPele said:

Great post mate, it takes a lot of courage to do that. Have you gone to a psychologist for enough sessions?, did they prescribe you pills?, if so, did they help you?

To be fair you were guilty of that before too. And also if it bothers you so much to be called that then don't bring it upon yourself by bringing controversial topics into discussion. Personally i don't find those terms insulting at all and couldn't give a rat's arse if someone called me them. 

Yes, before but Ive changed a lot in the years.I dont think those terms are inherent to controversial topics, I just think people are quick to reduce an argument to ad hominem. There is a difference between pointing out a racist statement and calling someone racist. 

[Spike]

1 minute ago, Danny said:

There's a possibility I did but let's leave the specifics of that debate to a different topic 😊

Of course. I wasnt trying to start a debate, I just wanted to understand why I illicited such a reation when I thought my statement was innocuous. 

[Berserker]

19 minutes ago, Spike said:

Yes, before but Ive changed a lot in the years.I dont think those terms are inherent to controversial topics, I just think people are quick to reduce an argument to ad hominem. There is a difference betweeen pointing out a rascist statement and calling someone racist. 

They clearly are, for example if i comment on a famous black guy's photo on facebook and call him ugly, chances are someone is gonna call me a racist, despite me not being one. So if you dislike being called that then don't partake in controversial discussions that may lead to it, and specially don't bring things like gender or sexism into discussions that have nothing to do with them like i have seen you do several times because you're pretty much calling for it, as simple as that.

[Dickie]

On 3/29/2017 at 5:29 AM, Tanksie said:

Bitch, I make burgers from human remains.

What. The Fuck. Did I just read?

Literally just scrolling through and saw this, had to pause for about 20 seconds and just reread it a couple times.

Dying

[Spike]

8 minutes ago, NeymarPele said:

They clearly are, for example if i comment on a famous black guy's photo on facebook and call him ugly, chances are someone is gonna me a racist, despite me not being one. So if you dislike being called that then don't partake in controversial discussions that may lead to it, and specially don't bring things like gender or sexism into discussions that have nothing to do with them like i have seen you do several times because you're pretty much calling for it, as simple as that.

I don't give a fuck about random people really, but I enjoy the community on here and that is different to some jackass on Facebook. I hold you lot to a higher standard than most dickheads so when a topic is reduced to shit-talking it's a lot more annoying. When have I done that (besides this topic of course)? It wasn't my intention either, I was sincerely wondering about Danny and if that is a normal reaction for him. I don't really care that much mate, I don't take it to heart.

I just disagree. I expect civilised debate for the most part and I think it's quite interesting reading other people's opinions. 

[Spike]

@Danny  You mentioned earlier your gf has to explain to when she is being literal versus figurative. Do you struggle with understanding Australianisms? Our language is very figurative with lots of exaggeration so I'm curious if a few people leave you awestruck with the rubbish they are talking about.

[Danny]

28 minutes ago, Spike said:

@Danny  You mentioned earlier your gf has to explain to when she is being literal versus figurative. Do you struggle with understanding Australianisms? Our language is very figurative with lots of exaggeration so I'm curious if a few people leave you awestruck with the rubbish they are talking about.

I've never really had a problem with understanding Aussies tbh, the only difficulty I've had was when someone said aboriginals shouldn't be offended when called the word "nigger" because they're not African....my initial reaction was the word come from the meaning black not African. Think that was more of a him thing than an Australian thing.

[Spike]

I get very depressed about once or twice a month thinking about home. It's very difficult because I don't have the finances to visit nor do I think I'll ever be able to afford to live their again. I very much miss my family but I hate my hometown, there is nothing there but dead-ends and sadness. It's being torn apart by drug-addiction and a bad economy. I was reading a lengthy report in a QLD newspaper about a year ago and a huge drug bust happened in my town. I think over 3% of the town's population were either arrested or related to the crime.  Pretty depressing stuff but I got out of their alive and well, from the crime, drugs, and shitty schooling I felt like I grew up in a shitty ghetto without the murder. On my 14th birthday, my grandfather whom I was very close to died of a heart-attack in front of me. We were chatting outside and then he was gone, it was me and him and than just me. I didn't know how to understand this and my family largely ignored me to wallow in their own grief. I feel like this was a water-shed moment in my life that supercharged me from a normal confused pubescent young man into something a little more self-destructive. I would be suspended, drink, sneak out, get into fights, I was a fucking cunt a kid for a while. I think I eventually snapped out of it but I don't think I was ever the same.

The drugs I take are partly responsible for my weight gain (the other being my horrible diet when I first moved stateside). Sometimes, I want to live a life without them but I get so sick from withdrawal symptoms, it's practically a pipe dream. Though, I do suppose I've rounded out a lot of anger and negative personality aspects but I do feel like a cripple walking on a crutch sometimes. It's been so long since I've been on my drugs I guess I can no longer remember what I was like without them. This is something I rarely talk about and very few people know of it but I was diagnosed Bipolar II when I was 19. I felt very lost in the world, I didn't know how to feel or react to life, I felt very suicidal for a long time and I feel I came close to it one night when I was very drunk, I don't remember what happened exactly to set me off but I woke up with cut marks along my arms, something I had never done before. I had just moved out of home and I was trying to make an impression on people, trying to hard perhaps, to the point I lost sight of what I was doing. I did a lot of drinking and partying, lots of drugs, and over-indulgence. I was getting paranoid, fighting with people, I thought I was hated by everyone, my ego was fragile and couldn't take criticism or rejection. I dropped out of Uni, I couldn't take it, I was aimless and wasting money. Rough days when I think about it but for the most part I feel much better about certain things in my life thanks to medication and my beloved wife.

My wife has had diabetes her whole life and if anyone knows of this disease and what it entails, it's a death sentence. No if, ands, or buts. She will die from diabetes related complications; she could go blind, her kidneys could stop working as well as her liver, she could have a heart-attack if her potassium intake is too high, she could die in the middle of the night if she doses too much insulin, it's a constant black cloud over my head. People joke about diabetes, but I feel liek most people don't understand the horrible ramifications of it. The insurance companies fuck around a lot as well, sometimes we have to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket for supplies my wife needs to live. This gets me down sometimes. I don't particularly want or care for public medicare because I feel we'd just be fucked around as much but I'd love for the companies not to screw up my wife's prescriptions. My mother has skin cancer, which is something that gnaws away at the back of my head, I know it's not going to be fatal because she gets treatment but it is still something that grates my morale. My grandmother is also sickly, old, obese, and not the same happy person she used to be. I miss her dearly but I hate myself for saying that I'm glad I haven't seen her slow decent into sadness over the last few years.

I work a dead-end job that I'm thankful for being an immigrant to the States but I struggle with finding my purpose. I don't or can't go to school because of the costs and I don't think I have the mental fortitude to commit to studying a degree for three+ years. I'm pressured by some parts of the the in-laws to get an education and I feel they view me as a loser, a fantastic human, and a great husband...but a loser. Maybe it's the working-class machismo culture I'm from but this is really hard to express and I've always had trouble effectively conveying how I feel, maybe it's because I never understood. Maybe it's why I try to coat everything in humour and irony, because I've learned to look at a the bright side of life when down in the hole for so long. 

 

[Spike]

11 minutes ago, Danny said:

I've never really had a problem with understanding Aussies tbh, the only difficulty I've had was when someone said aboriginals shouldn't be offended when called the word "nigger" because they're not African....my initial reaction was the word come from the meaning black not African. Think that was more of a him thing than an Australian thing.

Nah, most wouldn't be offended mate because that word was never used against them. I grew up around Aboriginals (capital A, mate) and some of my best friends are Indigenous and it's not really a thing. Would you be offended if I call you a 'gweilo'? It means white ghost in Cantonese but it doesn't have the contextual brutality that 'nigger' has in the USA. There are far worse words in reference to Aboriginals. It really just depends if I called one a 'fucking nigger' he'd be offended not by the word 'nigger' but because he knew that was meant as an insult. Whereas stateside a black American would be offended both ways. I hope that makes sense, of course it doesn't apply to all Indigenous peoples but definitely the ones I knwo. Actually I think one of my friends said once 'I'm not a bloody nigger, I'M ABORIGINAL'. 

It's kind of like how 'wog' is just a Mediterranean person in Aus but it's a very bad insult in the UK. It just semantics and varies person to person, culture to culture.

[nudge+]

3 hours ago, Spike said:

I work a dead-end job that I'm thankful for being an immigrant to the States but I struggle with finding my purpose. I don't or can't go to school because of the costs and I don't think I have the mental fortitude to commit to studying a degree for three+ years. I'm pressured by some parts of the the in-laws to get an education and I feel they view me as a loser, a fantastic human, and a great husband...but a loser. Maybe it's the working-class machismo culture I'm from but this is really hard to express and I've always had trouble effectively conveying how I feel, maybe it's because I never understood. Maybe it's why I try to coat everything in humour and irony, because I've learned to look at a the bright side of life when down in the hole for so long. 

If you have a possibility and are willing to work your ass off, consider learning a trade - it almost always guarantees a good job with a relatively short amount of training. Rigging, forklift driving, welding, operating civil equipment, pipe fitting, plumbing, HVAC, that sort of thing.You usually don't need a degree, just various certifications and diplomas, depending on the field. Can you get into a community college/trade school and/or get an apprenticeship in the US? 

Another option could be online education, there are literally endless possibilities here. If you don't have enough dedication or aren't willing to do a 3+ degree, there are loads of other options. 

[Spike]

9 hours ago, nudge said:

If you have a possibility and are willing to work your ass off, consider learning a trade - it almost always guarantees a good job with a relatively short amount of training. Rigging, forklift driving, welding, operating civil equipment, pipe fitting, plumbing, HVAC, that sort of thing.You usually don't need a degree, just various certifications and diplomas, depending on the field. Can you get into a community college/trade school and/or get an apprenticeship in the US? 

Another option could be online education, there are literally endless possibilities here. If you don't have enough dedication or aren't willing to do a 3+ degree, there are loads of other options. 

I know but there are a lot of things I need to do before I feel like I'm in a position to dedicate myself to something like that. My wife and I are unaware if we are staying in Atlanta or moving back to Chicago. It's something that has been on the backburner for nearly two years. We need to finish this immigration business, which sapped another $2000 from our savings (or in other words onto our credit) on top of the previous ~$7000 dollars. My wife is friends with an Irishman back in Chicago and he would employ me if we moved there so that is an option, I believe he works in carpentry and construction which isn't something I'm opposed to. It does get me down sometimes but overall I'm in a pretty good spot in life, I have a house, food, transportation, and a steady job. I want to work towards something better as that is the 'American dream' but I'd rather take it slow and steady than just diving into something without thinking of the consequences.

[Guest]

Anxiety is something I've always had. The other day it went off, I even ended up seeing a doctor because it was getting out of hand. Luckily, it's all better now but I lost 1 friend and may have damaged other friendships. The problem is no one knows how these people feel unless they have had it themselves. I personally believe that if one of your friends kills the friendship off because of the anxiety, they can get fucked. I'm lucky to have some great supportive friends who value me because what happened the other day, anyone who had just a slight relationship would have binned me off. 

Our mind is our best friend but without control it can also be our worst enemy. At the end of the day, we will have a good chunk of all emotions in our lives, so these anxiety problems are all temporary. That's why I don't understand suicide or cutting. Everything has a solution, be it some long term others short term. That person who blocked me was my friend, and honestly if she wants to be like that, then so be it. She's not worth my time.

[Danny]

1 hour ago, Cannabis said:

I've always liked Andy Johnson but I like him even more now that he's getting on board with such a good cause. 

 

It's great that he is but it's a shame that it takes incidents like this to raise awareness. It's a shame we have to raise awareness.

[Guest]

On what may be my last post on TF365 for the time being, I'm currently going through some serious mental health issues and I'm going to for once not be my stubborn self and listen. And I recommend people do the same. If you feel any signs of depression, don't lie to yourself! If things are going wrong and you feel its due to manipulative behavior, see a therapist and get off of social media! Don't be silly and end up like I did right now. I've lost a couple friends due to anxiety and am on the ropes with a few others. Its a pain in the ass to have this condition of OCD and getting easily anxious.

If I'm still here by tomorrow (I've requested a temporary suspension to get away from this and all social media) then I may reply to any replies to this, but its a recommendation I highly recommend taking. I've been lied to so much that when they ultimately disappoint, it makes me even more negative to the point I don't trust anyone. This is part of the reason some people may find me stubborn on here.

[Toinho]

I hope you can work through your issues Brian. Loads of cowards on social media. 

[Eco]

2 hours ago, LaSambadeStGermain said:

On what may be my last post on TF365 for the time being, I'm currently going through some serious mental health issues and I'm going to for once not be my stubborn self and listen. And I recommend people do the same. If you feel any signs of depression, don't lie to yourself! If things are going wrong and you feel its due to manipulative behavior, see a therapist and get off of social media! Don't be silly and end up like I did right now. I've lost a couple friends due to anxiety and am on the ropes with a few others. Its a pain in the ass to have this condition of OCD and getting easily anxious.

If I'm still here by tomorrow (I've requested a temporary suspension to get away from this and all social media) then I may reply to any replies to this, but its a recommendation I highly recommend taking. I've been lied to so much that when they ultimately disappoint, it makes me even more negative to the point I don't trust anyone. This is part of the reason some people may find me stubborn on here.

Yes, take some time for yourself, and get yourself right. 

I haven't struggled with these issues, but however I understand the need to take care of them. 

Stay safe Brian. 

[RandoEFC+]

Good luck with this mate, just keep in your mind how good you'll feel the day you realise you've come back stronger. 

[Stan]

Good luck with your troubles, Brian. Hope you find the solutions you require and remember there are always people to talk to, especially professionals if you think it necessary. 

Perhaps it's the correct decision to get yourself away from social media as places like Facebook and/or Twitter can be nasty at times like this for you. 

Take care. 

[Toony]

I genuinely wish you well Brian, it's a tough old world when you're feeling like that but you've got to keep focusing on how you will feel when you come out of the other side of the issues. You will get the help you need.

Good luck my friend.

[The Palace Fan]

Pretty saddened to see I missed @Spike's post for some time. I've been on here for over a decade and i've very rarely disclosed information about my personal life so to a degree I understand how hard it must have been to post in detail about your background and your emotions. Seeing your posts on here in various topics away from football you're clearly an intellectual person that has a lot to offer. From an outsiders perspective, given the pressures you have and the copeing mechanisms you've built to deal with these situations I don't understand how your in-laws can perceive you to be a loser because you don't have a certain education or a drive to further your education. I hope that life presents you an opportunity to either eradicate whatever doubt you (or they) have and I hope it all works out for you.

Sorry to hear about the situation your dealing with @LaSambadeStGermain. I think you're doing the right thing by avoiding social media platforms until you feel you're in a comfortable position to post again. I do hope you get yourself in a position whereby you feel control in your environment again. There's always things that you can't change, but there's always things you can change and you can influence. I wish you the best mate.

[Danny]

Hope you feel better @LaSambadeStGermain, as someone who suffers with OCD I know what an arsehole it can be so feel free to PM me whenever if you wanna talk.