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Offensive Joke Thread


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Share your most sexist, racist and generally insensitive jokes below.

I know I should usually start us off with one if I'm making the thread but I'm firing a blank just this second and I didn't want to forget to make the thread.

Let's have 'em.

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Like one of them police drives to capture a lot of on the run villains.... 

'You have won a free crate of beer' yay!!! just let us know where to deliver it and it's all yours...

True story! 19 idiots or otherwise dim witted suspects got suckered in with that one... 

This is just designed to show everyone your true colours... 

Let the mask slip at your peril people.... 

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If you see an Australian who isn't a racist shoot him.

If you see a Peruvian who isn't a drug dealer shoot him.

If you see an English who doesn't want to invade your country and isn't ugly shoot him.

If you see an Indian who isn't a midget shoot him.

If you see a German that laughs shoot him.

If you see an American who is brave shoot him.

If you see a Turk who isn't hairy shoot him.

If you see Chinese who doesn't looks like Japnese shoot him.

If you see a Persian who doesn't have a supiriority complex shoot him.

If you see a French who is intelligent shoot him.

If you see an Egyptian who doesn't spits everywhere shoot him.

If you see a Colombian who isn't a sex worker shoot him.

If you see a Portuguese who doesn't has a freaking large family shoot him

If you see a New Zealander who doesn't shags sheeps shoot him.

If you see a Spanish who isn't loud shoot him.

If you see an Argentine who is well behaved shoot him.

If you see a Brazilian who isn't a smuggler shoot him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you see a Pakistani just shoot him anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Devon Von Devon
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There's a plane with a Priest, a Rabbi, a Buddhist monk, and 15 kids along with the pilot, co-pilot, air stewardesses. They're flying across the Atlantic so they can all go see New York City for the first time (well not the people working for the airline, you know how this all works - use common sense). All of a sudden there's an awful grinding noise from the engine on the right side. Smoke is billowing out of the engine, the pilot announces the plane is going down and there's nothing more he can do. The staff all grab parachutes and jump the fuck out - but before jumping the pilot (the last staff member on the plane turns to them and says) "Alright, well we've only got 3 parachutes left - figure out what you're doing." And then he jumps the fuck out of the plane, leaving several children to die.

The Buddhist monk says... some Buddhist shite about saving 3 children... those that he figures out are the most likely to reach Nirvana or something.

The Rabbi says, "Let's take the last 3 parachutes... fuck the children!"

And the Priest says, ".... do you think we've got time?"

  • Haha 2
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  • 2 months later...

A burglar breaks into a house in a ritzy area of town. He’s sure that there’s nobody home, but he still sneaks in, doesn’t turn on any lights and heads straight for where he thinks the valuables are kept.

Suddenly, he hears a voice call out, “I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!”

The burglar freezes in his tracks. He doesn’t move a muscle.

A couple of minutes go by. The voice repeats, “I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!”

The burglar slowly takes out his flashlight, switches it on and looks around the room. He sees a birdcage with a parrot in it.

“Did you say that?” the burglar asks the parrot.

The parrot says again, “I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!”

“Hah! So what?” says the burglar. “You’re just a parrot!”

“I may be just a parrot,” replies the bird, “but Jesus is a Doberman!”

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

An old woman walked into an antique store and looked at a diamond necklace in a glass cabinet. Suddenly, she let out a fart. She coughed, trying to disguise it because a shop assistant was walking by. She then called the assistant over and asked how much the necklace was.

The assistant replied, "If you just farted looking at it you'll shit yourself when I tell you the price!"

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A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter...

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I was getting a hand-job off my new girlfriend when I asked, “How are you so good at this?”

“Years of practice,” she said.

“Bit of a player in your day?” I laughed.

“No,” she replied, “my dad had no arms.”

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  • 2 years later...

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