Medical & Health issues

[MUFC]

Tonsillitis.

[Spike]

I don’t know really where to post this but I guess I’m looking for some sort of cathartic moment. I have never really admitted this to myself or anyone really, I guess I have been in denial about the reality of the situation; when I was 19 I visited a psychiatrist because I had been feeling suicidal. The doctor diagnosed me as having Bipolar mood disorder type II, recommended that I enter therapy (which I never did) and take anti-depressants and mood stabilisers which I took for about 7/8 years, which I, on my own just stopped taking maybe two years ago, I was sick of being medicated, like a zombie with the blinds pulled down. I never really accepted it as a fact, my thought process was closer to: ‘nah, I can’t be Bipolar those people are crazy, and I am not crazy’. In the last month though maybe I am coming to terms with all of this, maybe it isn’t normal to be energetic, optimistic, kind, sociable, full of life one day, and to wake up the next feeling like a lead blanket has covered my body and mind, unable to even function as a normal person, I can’t even so much as eat or clean up a dirty tea cup, how can something so normal become an insurmountable task? Maybe it isn’t normal to erratically become sensitive to every little incident to the point of self-hate, shame, and anger. Maybe it isn’t normal to feel invincible and completely blinded to actions having consequences.  I think my denial is caused by the types of people that wear these sort of things as a badge of honour, or as an excuse for what they do and how they act. I don’t want it to be an excuse or something to lean on, I hate it, I hate how it is defined as a thing people go through, like an observational phenomenon, I want to take responsibility for myself, because that is all I am, myself, and if I wasn’t me, I wouldn’t feel this way, right?

I don’t really know what to do, or even if there is anything to do. It isn’t like there is a stimuli or an event that needs discussing, there isn’t a problem to analyse and solve, it is just the daily ebb and flow of my mind, existing in two extremes. I often feel like there is no one to relate to, no one that I can speak freely with, I know this is the role of a therapist but I don’t want a professional relationship, I want a personal one, I don’t want to open my wallet and mind to a stranger in a detached setting, it isn’t right. These feelings of isolation are compounded by my physical isolation, no family, few close living friends, this leads way to loneliness and pessimism, and when someone starts thinking this way they can’t see the forrest for the trees, I know people are close to me, love me, but I don’t feel it, it’s like I’m not even really here, like I’m on an extended holiday waiting to come back home.

 If people feel the same way, maybe it’s comforting to know people can understand me, because a lot of the time I don’t, I don’t know why I lose interest in my hobbies or passions day to day. I’m just sitting on the couch lamenting wasting a Saturday while discontented to not do anything to fix that, it would be very easy to do so, but I am unable to, there is no initiative. Thanks foe reading if you got all the way through it, even if no one replies it feels nice to let it out in the open, well at least ina  very minor way.

[CaaC (John)+]

2 hours ago, Spike said:

I don’t know really where to post this but I guess I’m looking for some sort of cathartic moment.

Chin up buddy, write in here more often if you want to get things off your chest and clear your mind, if you look at myself and the wife, over the years we have had heartaches and upsets but we just gritted our teeth and got on with life.

The wife had the heartache of seeing her 3-year-old brother get hit by a bus and killed and that played on her mind for years, I could always tell when his Birthday was coming up and we would sit there having a wine and then she would start sobbing and say "It's James Birthday today, he would have been......today" and I would try to comfort her, also her mother died when she was young and her father left home and the wife was bought up with her gran & grandad.

I have had heartaches over the years too, my youngest niece in Australia committed suicide when she was only 19 years old and that played on my mind as I could always remember her as a wee baby and I would bounce her up and down on my knee.

Then when I did my tours of duty in Northern Ireland where we had to go into the Belfast mortuary and do body checks of people that had been killed by explosions or shot dead, when you see young kiddies lying there, some only 2 years old and you knew they would never see life like I was doing.

When I left the army I thanked god that I had my wife beside me as I suffered flashbacks for 5 years when I was asleep, crying, sobbing, shaking, and sweating, the wife would wake me up and make sure I was ok.

Now I am 73 years old buddy and the wife is 74 come next Friday and we have pushed all of the bad memories behind us as we have a son & daughter who has given us 3 lovely grandsons so we can't think back about the heartaches above, wee Kaiden is staying the night and looking at him fast asleep has bought a smile to me and the wife's faces.

As I said, buddy, chin up and say to yourself I am going to reach an old age like that old fart John and smile, thats our son's favourite word he calls me and writes that on my Birthday & Xmas cards "Happy Birthday/Xmas you old fart" 

[Spike]

11 minutes ago, CaaC (John) said:

Chin up buddy, write in here more often if you want to get things off your chest and clear your mind, if you look at myself and the wife, over the years we have had heartaches and upsets but we just gritted our teeth and got on with life.

The wife had the heartache of seeing her 3-year-old brother get hit by a bus and killed and that played on her mind for years, I could always tell when his Birthday was coming up and we would sit there having a wine and then she would start sobbing and say "It's James Birthday today, he would have been......today" and I would try to comfort her, also her mother died when she was young and her father left home and the wife was bought up with her gran & grandad.

I have had heartaches over the years too, my youngest niece in Australia committed suicide when she was only 19 years old and that played on my mind as I could always remember her as a wee baby and I would bounce her up and down on my knee.

Then when I did my tours of duty in Northern Ireland where we had to go into the Belfast mortuary and do body checks of people that had been killed by explosions or shot dead, when you see young kiddies lying there, some only 2 years old and you knew they would never see life like I was doing.

When I left the army I thanked god that I had my wife beside me as I suffered flashbacks for 5 years when I was asleep, crying, sobbing, shaking, and sweating, the wife would wake me up and make sure I was ok.

Now I am 73 years old buddy and the wife is 74 come next Friday and we have pushed all of the bad memories behind us as we have a son & daughter who has given us 3 lovely grandsons so we can't think back about the heartaches above, wee Kaiden is staying the night and looking at him fast asleep has bought a smile to me and the wife's faces.

As I said, buddy, chin up and say to yourself I am going to reach an old age like that old fart John and smile, thats our son's favourite word he calls me and writes that on my Birthday & Xmas cards "Happy Birthday/Xmas you old fart" 

Thanks John, I really do appreciate it.

I think we are a lot more frail then we think we are, a lot of put on a brave face and make it seem like we are invincible but we've all been through the motions, I went through a similar thing to your wife. My most vivid memory, more vivid than even my wedding, or any other joyous moment, is the death of my grandfather. I remember everything, where it happened, the date, the time, the conversations, it was 24th of February 2008, my 14th birthday, it was just after lunch, around 3pm. I was sitting outside listening to an iPod I was given that morning as a gift, my grandfather had been gardening in the side yard at my nan's request. He was talking to me about my acne, it was bad and painful at the time, he mentioned when he was my age his father told him [piss on his hands and rub the urine on his face to kill the acne]. I wasn't sure about his advice and thought he was messing with me but he was dead serious. Then he went stiff and starting convulsing, I didn't know what was happening immediately, and still I thought he was messing with me but then it become painfully clear to me that he was having some sort of fit. I ran away to get someone, barefoot, my feet were cut up by rocks and sticks. He died. I was the last person to speak with him, I was the last person to see him alive, I was the person that saw him die. My family was so overcome with grief nobody stopped to think of me, the only person that gave me any thought was my friend that I called that evening, he came around and we watched Pulp Fiction. A week later he was buried, I didn't go to the Wake, instead I stayed home and my friend came to visit. We stole some beers and afterwards butterscotch schnaps, my friend invited around a girl he was keen on, I didn't pay her any attention, I didn't care if she was here or there, nothing really mattered. I saw people who hadn't been in our lives come and go as the funeral did, I was angry that they showed up for his death when they weren't there for his life, I felt angry that they had the nerve to grieve like I was. I still have nightmares about it, sometimes I think it may as well still be the 24th of February 2008, I don't think that day ever really ended for me.

[Waylander]

@Spike

That is some story and I think your grandfather was on the level rather than trying to be funny, there is an alternative school of thought on the benefits of urine therapy.

I tried it once when fasting by putting a couple of drops of urine into a cup of water and drinking it.

I did not feel better yet got a groan from my digestion.

Never tried it again.

I also saw saw psychotherapist in my 20's, one helped though he said  I was fencing with him. I wasn't yet I realised something and I could move on.

I also found when younger I was getting facial spots and found it was bacon, if I cut that out the spots went. Though I was only eating bacon because the milk tasted funny and that was because the milk companies had done a deal to use a bovine growth hormone in the milk. Most people could not taste though I asked the milkman who I knew from five-a-side football and he said loads were complaining. 

 

 

[Tommy]

15 hours ago, Spike said:

I don’t know really where to post this but I guess I’m looking for some sort of cathartic moment. I have never really admitted this to myself or anyone really, I guess I have been in denial about the reality of the situation; when I was 19 I visited a psychiatrist because I had been feeling suicidal. The doctor diagnosed me as having Bipolar mood disorder type II, recommended that I enter therapy (which I never did) and take anti-depressants and mood stabilisers which I took for about 7/8 years, which I, on my own just stopped taking maybe two years ago, I was sick of being medicated, like a zombie with the blinds pulled down. I never really accepted it as a fact, my thought process was closer to: ‘nah, I can’t be Bipolar those people are crazy, and I am not crazy’. In the last month though maybe I am coming to terms with all of this, maybe it isn’t normal to be energetic, optimistic, kind, sociable, full of life one day, and to wake up the next feeling like a lead blanket has covered my body and mind, unable to even function as a normal person, I can’t even so much as eat or clean up a dirty tea cup, how can something so normal become an insurmountable task? Maybe it isn’t normal to erratically become sensitive to every little incident to the point of self-hate, shame, and anger. Maybe it isn’t normal to feel invincible and completely blinded to actions having consequences.  I think my denial is caused by the types of people that wear these sort of things as a badge of honour, or as an excuse for what they do and how they act. I don’t want it to be an excuse or something to lean on, I hate it, I hate how it is defined as a thing people go through, like an observational phenomenon, I want to take responsibility for myself, because that is all I am, myself, and if I wasn’t me, I wouldn’t feel this way, right?

I don’t really know what to do, or even if there is anything to do. It isn’t like there is a stimuli or an event that needs discussing, there isn’t a problem to analyse and solve, it is just the daily ebb and flow of my mind, existing in two extremes. I often feel like there is no one to relate to, no one that I can speak freely with, I know this is the role of a therapist but I don’t want a professional relationship, I want a personal one, I don’t want to open my wallet and mind to a stranger in a detached setting, it isn’t right. These feelings of isolation are compounded by my physical isolation, no family, few close living friends, this leads way to loneliness and pessimism, and when someone starts thinking this way they can’t see the forrest for the trees, I know people are close to me, love me, but I don’t feel it, it’s like I’m not even really here, like I’m on an extended holiday waiting to come back home.

 If people feel the same way, maybe it’s comforting to know people can understand me, because a lot of the time I don’t, I don’t know why I lose interest in my hobbies or passions day to day. I’m just sitting on the couch lamenting wasting a Saturday while discontented to not do anything to fix that, it would be very easy to do so, but I am unable to, there is no initiative. Thanks foe reading if you got all the way through it, even if no one replies it feels nice to let it out in the open, well at least ina  very minor way.

Not going to be an armchair shrink here, but I do hope you feel better soon eventually. And I hope you reach out to someone like this in "real life" as well, and maybe get the help and support you need. 

[Harry]

Spike, wishing you the best in this struggle mate, and also applaud the bravery of your post. I have my own demons and I understand a lot of what you said there.

I think you're right about the impact of the isolation. That's bound to be a big impact and hopefully something that can be addressed with some changes like moving closer to home as you mentioned being on the cards.

I hope you don't fixate too much about losing passions for hobbies over time, this happens to almost everyone. For example with football for me. And I felt down about it and started to psychoanalyse it. But what I realised with football was that what really made me love it in the first place was that it brought me together with people, and it had stopped doing that, because circumstances changed as I grew older... I went from watching it with my football team at the pub with regularity, and watching it at home in order to talk about the matches at training, and having a girlfriend that liked football more than I did, who watched games with me, whereas now days I left the football team, my wife is apathetic and I don't really have any real life friends I talk football with. This saps alot of the best bits out of it. 

Best not too put too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way, as it can amplify any negative feelings.

Hope you feel better soon mate

[Beelzebub]

I can relate to that situation of Anhedonia. Post-2019 I have been like this somewhat.

[Devil-Dick Willie]

My ex had treatment resistant bi polar disorder. I lived with her for a year and it was my task to clean that uncleanable tea cup and everything else on those days, which went from once or twice a fortnight to 5 or 6 days a week over the course of a year. Man what you go through is a fucking battle. 

[DeadLinesman]

On 06/08/2022 at 20:06, Spike said:

I don’t know really where to post this but I guess I’m looking for some sort of cathartic moment. I have never really admitted this to myself or anyone really, I guess I have been in denial about the reality of the situation; when I was 19 I visited a psychiatrist because I had been feeling suicidal. The doctor diagnosed me as having Bipolar mood disorder type II, recommended that I enter therapy (which I never did) and take anti-depressants and mood stabilisers which I took for about 7/8 years, which I, on my own just stopped taking maybe two years ago, I was sick of being medicated, like a zombie with the blinds pulled down. I never really accepted it as a fact, my thought process was closer to: ‘nah, I can’t be Bipolar those people are crazy, and I am not crazy’. In the last month though maybe I am coming to terms with all of this, maybe it isn’t normal to be energetic, optimistic, kind, sociable, full of life one day, and to wake up the next feeling like a lead blanket has covered my body and mind, unable to even function as a normal person, I can’t even so much as eat or clean up a dirty tea cup, how can something so normal become an insurmountable task? Maybe it isn’t normal to erratically become sensitive to every little incident to the point of self-hate, shame, and anger. Maybe it isn’t normal to feel invincible and completely blinded to actions having consequences.  I think my denial is caused by the types of people that wear these sort of things as a badge of honour, or as an excuse for what they do and how they act. I don’t want it to be an excuse or something to lean on, I hate it, I hate how it is defined as a thing people go through, like an observational phenomenon, I want to take responsibility for myself, because that is all I am, myself, and if I wasn’t me, I wouldn’t feel this way, right?

I don’t really know what to do, or even if there is anything to do. It isn’t like there is a stimuli or an event that needs discussing, there isn’t a problem to analyse and solve, it is just the daily ebb and flow of my mind, existing in two extremes. I often feel like there is no one to relate to, no one that I can speak freely with, I know this is the role of a therapist but I don’t want a professional relationship, I want a personal one, I don’t want to open my wallet and mind to a stranger in a detached setting, it isn’t right. These feelings of isolation are compounded by my physical isolation, no family, few close living friends, this leads way to loneliness and pessimism, and when someone starts thinking this way they can’t see the forrest for the trees, I know people are close to me, love me, but I don’t feel it, it’s like I’m not even really here, like I’m on an extended holiday waiting to come back home.

 If people feel the same way, maybe it’s comforting to know people can understand me, because a lot of the time I don’t, I don’t know why I lose interest in my hobbies or passions day to day. I’m just sitting on the couch lamenting wasting a Saturday while discontented to not do anything to fix that, it would be very easy to do so, but I am unable to, there is no initiative. Thanks foe reading if you got all the way through it, even if no one replies it feels nice to let it out in the open, well at least ina  very minor way.

Don’t give up mate, that’s the biggest thing. And talking about it really does help. At the end of the day, we kind of ARE like a family here. Probably spend more time with you cunts than anyone else, so really don’t want to see anyone in this position. 
 

If it helps, I’ve got a Mrs that is going through something similar right now and as much as I’m trying to hold it together, I’m the bread winner with a full time job, 3 kids, 2 sets of chicken pox, 2 stomach bugs and a wife that’s pretty much useless at the moment due to her mental health. It’s absolutely suffocating, but being on here is the escape from the reality. The next step is what happens one you put the technology down and step back into the ‘real world’.

 

I would definitely suggest getting back on some form of medication alongside therapy. You only need the medication to take the edge off. Being a zombie was definitely wrong and not the way forward. 
 

Secondly, family. Don’t think of this as blood only. Do you have any good mates socially that you’re close with? Any footy/hockey/sports you do that can take your mind of things? Anything to take the edge off that feeling that you’re alone in the world.

 

Honestly, we’re all open as staff to a DM if you need a chat. But more than just staff, as an ‘internet mate’, I’m here for you as well. We’ve all got our own shit going on, but it should never get to the point where we’re coasting through life not feeling anything. I genuinely think Covid and the situations we’ve faced as a society has changed us as a species, and not for the better unfortunately. The world seems to be going tits up and subconsciously, I think it’s getting to all of us no matter what country/continent we live in/on. 
 

Head up chief.

[Whiskey]

It is perfectly normal to feel how you are @Spike, you aren't alone. I had a major mental health wobble a few years ago (when I left the forum) and sadly followed that up with another wobble a month or so ago, to the point where I'm speaking with a therapist as I was very close to pushing the suicide button. As bad as telling my wife that I didn't want to be around anymore, something which absolutely haunts me.

There is a mental health crisis at the moment, due to lockdowns etc but to be honest the stigma has meant that it's never been talked about. People opening up like you have is a small step onto the right path, I don't have any magic words of wisdom but I'd stress you to speak to someone and get things off your chest in a professional setting and give yourself the comfort that there's thousands (probably millions) of people that feel just like you do.

My PM's are always open mate, please speak to me if you ever want to x

[Spike]

Thanks everyone, I don’t feel as alone as I did when I wrote it all out. It’s easy to fall into negativity and it thrives on itself. Today I’m forcing myself to be positive, optimistic, decided to make changes. Even if they aren’t permanent they are short term goals I can achieve, and I think it is important ti set little tasks for yourself to stay busy and improving.

There is a beer festival for work coming up, I was super excited to go about a month ago, but now it’s causing me nothing but stress. So I put my foot down and said I’m not going, I have to take care of myself and being around a bunch of pissheads isn’t for the best. I’m gonna cut down on the grog, for the time being, I hadn’t been drinking much but I feel like it’s a easy trap.

In a three way tie of morality, frugality, and health, in decide to also cut down on meat consumption and eat more vegetables and fruits. It’s been about 5 days so far, so let’s see how low it lasts. In better news though I’ve lost over 5kg since I started at work.

@DeadLinesman Huge respect to you mate, nothing but admiration shouldering burdens like that. Be careful mate, don’t burn out, take care of yourself as well.

@Whiskey I guess we are probably more alike then we realise. From what I’ve read it’s like reading something I could have wrote myself. I’ve got your back too mate, sincerely.

[Tommy]

11 hours ago, DeadLinesman said:

Don’t give up mate, that’s the biggest thing. And talking about it really does help. At the end of the day, we kind of ARE like a family here. Probably spend more time with you cunts than anyone else, so really don’t want to see anyone in this position. 
 

If it helps, I’ve got a Mrs that is going through something similar right now and as much as I’m trying to hold it together, I’m the bread winner with a full time job, 3 kids, 2 sets of chicken pox, 2 stomach bugs and a wife that’s pretty much useless at the moment due to her mental health. It’s absolutely suffocating, but being on here is the escape from the reality. The next step is what happens one you put the technology down and step back into the ‘real world’.

 

I would definitely suggest getting back on some form of medication alongside therapy. You only need the medication to take the edge off. Being a zombie was definitely wrong and not the way forward. 
 

Secondly, family. Don’t think of this as blood only. Do you have any good mates socially that you’re close with? Any footy/hockey/sports you do that can take your mind of things? Anything to take the edge off that feeling that you’re alone in the world.

 

Honestly, we’re all open as staff to a DM if you need a chat. But more than just staff, as an ‘internet mate’, I’m here for you as well. We’ve all got our own shit going on, but it should never get to the point where we’re coasting through life not feeling anything. I genuinely think Covid and the situations we’ve faced as a society has changed us as a species, and not for the better unfortunately. The world seems to be going tits up and subconsciously, I think it’s getting to all of us no matter what country/continent we live in/on. 
 

Head up chief.

Jesus Christ, your situation sounds pretty serious as well. I hope your wife feels better soon, and that you all can return to somewhat of a normalcy. 

8 hours ago, Whiskey said:

It is perfectly normal to feel how you are @Spike, you aren't alone. I had a major mental health wobble a few years ago (when I left the forum) and sadly followed that up with another wobble a month or so ago, to the point where I'm speaking with a therapist as I was very close to pushing the suicide button. As bad as telling my wife that I didn't want to be around anymore, something which absolutely haunts me.

There is a mental health crisis at the moment, due to lockdowns etc but to be honest the stigma has meant that it's never been talked about. People opening up like you have is a small step onto the right path, I don't have any magic words of wisdom but I'd stress you to speak to someone and get things off your chest in a professional setting and give yourself the comfort that there's thousands (probably millions) of people that feel just like you do.

My PM's are always open mate, please speak to me if you ever want to x

And here as well. I had no idea. Glad you're still with us, mate. I hope those awful thoughts are truly behind you. 

 

 

[CaaC (John)+]

That's me made a cock up, thought my nurse appointment checkup was today in the afternoon, checked my calendar yesterday to see what was on schedule for this month and found out my appointment was for Tuesday, not Wednesday, had to ring up and apologise and reschedule, I would imagine I will get a nasty letter from the surgery.

I normally set a reminder on my calendar which would let me know via a text message on my mobile but I forgot to turn it on. 

[CaaC (John)+]

That's our flu jabs done and dusted for another year, bloody ridiculous though, they booked me and the wife an appointment at Ocean Terminal centre which is 2 miles away in which we ended up getting 2 buses to get there and around 40 minutes.

Bloody ridiculous when they have a medical centre in Leith which is about a 30 minutes walking distance away or by bus which would only take us around 10 minutes, the people who arrange this, surely would look at our medical chart on the NHS website and see me and the wife are pensioners over 70 years old with medical problems. 

[CaaC (John)+]

Another 2 monthly nurse visits (checkup) due, never had so many of these years ago when I was younger but I would imagine with me being admitted to the hospital twice in 4 years which is on record must have something to do with it and its all on their bloody laptop screens. 

[Gunnersaurus]

Well I've been prescribed meditation for ADHD. Unfortunately I  was misdiagnosed for years. It happened because when I was assessed years ago I wasn't asked how I acted when I wasn't anxious or depressed. This meant that the symptoms were attributed to anxiety and depression  as they cause concentration issues and other issues similar to ADHD. However after an assessment I was asked how I acted when I wasn't anxious or depressed and although not as bad the symptoms are still there. After seeing two doctors and 3 assessments it was concluded that I  have inattentive ADHD which is normally just called ADD as I'm not hyperactive. The medication works within an hour and I can already feel the difference. So hopefully I can start to progress now. 

[CaaC (John)+]

Off to the dentist shortly to get a tooth pulled, to think a few years back I was petrified of dentists but thanks to my wife and a bit of blackmail as she is feared by doctors & hospitals I overcome that fear.

I had that fear going back to my army days getting a tooth pulled by the army dentist, that bastard gave me 4 injections yet I could still feel the pain of him pulling it and I created blue murder and the nurse had to hold me down while he pulled it.

That fear lasted until about 10 years ago, the wife kept moaning that she had a sore leg and would not go to the doctor, I had a sore tooth at the time so we both came to a compromise, if she went to see the doc then I would do likewise with the dentist.

I can remember sitting in the dentist's reception area after the dentist had numbed my gums and waiting for it to get pulled and I was shitting bricks, when I got into the chair and ready to get it pulled I closed my eyes waiting for the worse, after about a minute I opened one eye and saw the lady dentist washing her hands.

That's when she told me "that's it pulled...", I could not believe it and I never felt nowt so since that day a dentist appointment does not bother me, only the cost of getting one pulled (£14.50) because I am a tight-fisted bastard, mind you, the last 2 teeth that needed pulling I pulled them out myself, but with our daughter giving me jip telling me that was dangerous I relent nowadays and visit the dentist. 

[Gunnersaurus]

Sprained my lower back. Its a nightmare I can hardly move. But sitting and laying down isn't much easier either 

[CaaC (John)+]

24 minutes ago, Gunnersaurus said:

Sprained my lower back. Its a nightmare I can hardly move. But sitting and laying down isn't much easier either 

Ouch 

Try doing 20 push-ups, that might help...

[MUFC]

 

[CaaC (John)+]

Glad I bought this, an Ovely Massager, I suffer a lot from sciatica and this does ease backache or aching joints, switch it on for around 20 minutes and it works wonders.

[MUFC]

5 hours ago, CaaC (John) said:

Glad I bought this, an Ovely Massager, I suffer a lot from sciatica and this does ease backache or aching joints, switch it on for around 20 minutes and it works wonders.

You ever used the tennis ball method?

[CaaC (John)+]

12 minutes ago, MUFC said:

You ever used the tennis ball method?

No 

[MUFC]

42 minutes ago, CaaC (John) said:

No