Dr. Gonzo

Honestly I can’t remember what sort of stupid way I did it, all I can say is use toast to get all the glass pieces - it’s surprisingly effective. Other people took care of the cleanup once I was done bleeding all over the place.

A broken beer bottle and a drunk Gonzo cleaning it up happened. Yeah I’m loaded up on special medication after surgery & they’ve sent me home with a prescription for more.

Had a rough couple of days. Cut my hand and damaged a tendon in my left hand (my fretting hand fml). Fortunately just got back for the corrective surgery for it after a long and awful day.

I know Aspas has been very good at Celta, but I still remember his time with us and as a result I can't help but think it's hilarious. I hope they have him take corners.

I know it's only been 2 matches... but how nice is it having long balls from our keeper actually go to our players instead of being aimless hoofs that can go anywhere?

I had my Geralt fuck both of them, just to be safe.

I haven't watched wrestling in forever. Literal decades. But now I've got to check out the Iron Sheik's twitter.

He's Iranian though, he's not impersonating one. I think giving him death threats is stupid, but it probably wasn't wise of him to play a part in the WWE event in Saudi Arabia and be used for anti-Shiite/Iranian propaganda... I think it could have been pretty easily predicted that involving Iran in this event would have elicited this reaction. Iranians make good wrestling villains though. Remember the Iron Sheik?

I mean... I can understand why you'd get that impression by watching him on the pitch. He doesn't have great football intelligence, in fact, it's why a lot of Evertonians thought he wasn't developing very well. Raw attribute wise, he's got it all - it's the mental aspects of reading the game where he'd sometimes let Everton down - some of those performances that @RandoEFC was mentioning where he's now in his mid-20s and playing like he's the new kid on the block. I think if his ability to read the game matched his physical attributes, he'd be a great midfielder. Right now he's just a good midfielder. Having said that, being a good midfielder is still better than being an average or above-average midfielder... so it's not like he's not got quality to bring to Chelsea. Personally, I think he's still got time to develop. Injuries and managers trying to turn him into different sort of players may have stunted his development and he maybe won't ever be the player he "should" have been - football intelligence is something that comes with experience in playing in your role. He's a player who's had many different roles in a short span of time and never really got to settle into one particular midfield role IMO. There's no reason that he can't end up with a defined role for him to grow into and with experience grow into a very very good, maybe even great midfielder. Did the club build him a room to smoke in?

Whenever people did that, I suspected that they either hardly ever watched any football... or just didn't really understand football.

Well that and housing Osama bin Laden...

In pre-season he ended up below Nat Phillips in the pecking order by the time the season rolled around and wanted more first team football. He’s been a good servant to the club in the short time he’s been here, never complained about not playing enough, has come into matches as an emergency substitute or playing a short run of matches because we needed him and playing well. A backup we could trust. I don’t begrudge him wanting to end his playing career by actually regularly playing. Its a bit worrying though, considering how injury prone Lovren, Matip and Gomez are.

It was fucking quality back when I still played FM as an Italian side, though.

It’s sort of replaced co-ownership after that was banned.

I actually don't like those at all. Maybe it was the cinema I went to, but the waiting staff was pretty uh... noticeable... which isn't ideal when you're trying to watch a film. Maybe I get distracted too easily, but I found it distracting. I did like the fancy fucking seats they had though.

It’s pretty funny. Some moments are absolutely hilarious. I don’t know if you’ll laugh more than Rick & Morty though.

The first few months of last season he was on pain pills because he was playing with injury. He’s always been capable of making a high profile error, even if he’s had a long run of good performances... but if you look at any footage of him then, you can sort of see he’s a bit fucked up. There was one match I thought he was for sure drunk, and when it was revealed he was playing injured and on pain pills for the first few months I thought “that explains a lot, let’s not do that again please Jurgen.” If Lovren’s out for a while, I don’t really know who I’d prefer. Scratch that, I prefer Klavan but I don’t really know why. Don’t really rate Matip.

Playing an injured Lovren on pain pills is always a mistake, he plays like he’s high as fuck on pain pills...weirdly. Is Klavan not fit?

Man charged with walking pig without lead in Norwich - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-45130907

Godin - honestly, that sounds like the agent trying to be able to say "look, I've been talking to United - look, here's my call history on my... they said they were "happy to be kept informed' - are you interested in selling him to United, he'd be interested in United's wages...." and Atletico then offering Godin more money. Happens all the time. Boateng - I think it's a bit silly to be "wary of buying from Munich" because of Schweinsteiger (or Hargreaves, but Hargreaves had major injury issues in 2006 and United chose to sign him; that's not really Bayern's fault) - it's not that players from Munich are all going to be well passed it, just because Schweinsteiger was. Having said that... I think Boateng is well passed it. And as noted... he's got major injury problems that have lasted for 3 seasons. It wouldn't have been a good use of the money and would have posed a similar risk to those two. Alderweireld - Obviously a great player, but would have been pretty expensive and not really a long term solution. And while it's all well and good trying to win things right fucking now, because as fans, that's all what everybody wants to see their club do... I think United have serious issues with the quality at the back and if they're going to be spending serious money, I think they'd want someone they can get at least 3-4 seasons of top quality in the position. Great player, but I don't think he'd be worth it to United. Maguire - I'm honestly glad he didn't go to United, because after the World Cup... I like Maguire, even though I thought he was a bit poo before the tournament started - although I'm biased because I saw Salah tear him a few new arseholes and thought "wow he's getting bullied by our little Egyptian wizard, despite being much bigger." He's the type of signing that ticks all the right boxes for what I think United need. Quality, with the potential to get even better with age and experience, no history of injury issues, will most likely play there for years and years. Ultimately a better investment. It ultimately makes sense on paper for United to go after Maguire and I'm sure they will in the near future. But I can't blame Leicester for telling United to fuck off after the other cunty, yet significantly less cunty, Manchester side took another of their key players. Sure, you could probably offer Leicester a hell of a lot of money they'd be mental to turn down... but at the same time, it would be real shite for them to lose Mahrez and Maguire - and while they'd have lots of money to rebuild, it's never ideal to replace 2 key players at once.

I know you and I rarely agree... and I'll concede that for Chelsea, I think it's far from an ideal window. But compared to how things were looking last week, I don't think it looks too bad. Having said that... I think replacing Courtois with Kepa, assuming Kepa plays at the standard he did at Bilbao his whole time in a Chelsea shirt, is a positive move overall. Courtois made no secret about his desire to go back to Madrid ASAP, he was always giving very candid interviews that may not have the best thing for your club to have out in the public - ultimately, an unhappy and unsettled player can end up being a rotten apple in the dressing room. With Kepa, if he performs at a similar standard, sure on paper it's "no improvement" in the position - but I think maybe for squad morale, you're probably better off without him and that counts for something. Ultimately, I don't think Courtois ever really performed at the level Chelsea got used to from Cech - maybe Kepa ends up being a more worthy replacement? I think it's a fresh start that'll probably be good behind the scenes with his teammates, as he's not constantly giving his opinion on leaving and bitching about how he wants a move... and if he pans out nicely for you, that's your long term future in one of the most important positions on the pitch solved for the foreseeable future. Jorginho, as someone who was a big fan of his in Italy, is a player I find will win you over massively at Chelsea. He's a very intelligent player and I think you'll find in most matches you play with him on the pitch, he will be dictating the tempo of those matches - the only matches he plays in where I foresee that he won't be dictating the tempo for the entirety of the match is when you're up against the sides in the league that have midfields that can compare to Chelsea's - and while last season was a disappointment for Chelsea... you've still got one of the best midfields in the country. I'm confident he'll be your most important signing of the season - a player like him is a MASSIVE part of Sarri's tactical setup, for your board to want Sarri they should want a player that's integral to his style of play as well. Honestly, the only way I can see Jorginho not being a hit with you is if he's one of those players that just never really settles in England, despite having quality and demonstrating it in another league. And sure, that's a possibility. It wouldn't be the first time we've seen a player that can light it up in Italy or Spain... and then comes to England and goes from hot to cold. But I don't see that happening, personally, but it's possible... I think he'll fit in very nicely at Chelsea though. If he doesn't though... then yeah, that's massively shite for you. Fully understand your concern with Kovacic not being able to make it with Real Madrid. We got the highly rated Nuri Sahin who also failed to establish himself at Real Madrid on a loan with the option to buy as well... there was lots of optimism that we were landing someone who was truly quality that just couldn't break through because Real Madrid have a very good midfield & it would be hard for a young player to get in over established talent. And yeah, I can believe it was hard for Sahin to make it in that Real Madrid midfield... because he wasn't as good as the hype around him was. Now I'm not saying Kovacic is the same sort of player. In fact, I think he's probably pretty good - and Madrid do have a very good midfield... so it is tough for a player to break through there. But yeah it's a risk. But I think Chelsea have done a good job mitigating that risk by bringing him on loan with the option to buy. If he's good, cool, you pay the fee and he's your player. If he's bad... he goes back to Madrid next season. Pretty low risk for Chelsea - and ultimately a risk worth taking. No point mentioning Rob Green because he'll never play lol. So yeah, it's not that Chelsea had a perfect transfer window. They didn't - you lot could have brought in more players to address every need that you had from last season on the pitch. But I don't think Chelsea had a bad transfer window either - it's not as though there's nothing to be pleased by. I think Kepa and Jorginho are exciting signings for any club. And you get a trial run of Kovacic - if he shows the promise he did at Inter, you'll get him. And if he doesn't, it's no major loss to Chelsea. Honestly, I think part of the reason we didn't see wholesale changes at Chelsea last season is because you're not that far removed from when you were league champions... and I think the club's board would like to know whether last season's failings were more on Conte losing the plot or because of the quality of the players. I think you'll, at very least, make the CL this year - and if the board then doesn't invest in bringing in quality (which in turn, will improve your bench), then they haven't learned from last season and then I think you'll have more right to be aggrieved. But this summer, while not perfect, is more positive than how things were looking at Chelsea last week.

You can always tell Man Utd to do one imo.

I did the last time I was on a plane. Played some Super Metroid, good shit.