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2020 floppy bat taco Bundesliga relegation sissy boi slap fight


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So hey there hows it going? PRETTY FUCKING SHIT IF YOU'RE STILL ON THIS LIST RN

How were the weekend matches? Let's see now

Dusseldorf fell to Dortmund 1-0. The good news here is Brusselsprout dropped the points, the bad news is Bayern haven't won the league yet....
Paderborn were put to the sword and relegated. I think this game must have taken place in Bermuda tho, as there's no evidence of it happening. 
Union defeated Koln. They are now realistically safe. Good for them:)
Experiment Schalke are now without a win in 13 games, after drawing with Neverkusen. "It's like getting a boner over your sisters side boob in front of your parents at the beach." Martin Tyler.
Augsburg I will never say another bad word against as they rose up with a first minute strike to defeat Mainz. This moves them out of the danger zone for now. 


The communist table of equals as it stands 

18th Paderborn 20pts
17th (REDACTED) 28pts
16th Fortunefinding Dusseldwarf 28pts
15th Mainz 31pts
14th Experiment gas and ass 32pts

It's actually kind of a shame Schalke aren't on 32 points or they'd almost certainly be going down

Congratulations Union and Augsburg, for their temporary reprieve.
Commiserations to Paderborn as their games will be struck from the list as who gives a fuck about a dead man walking? Except religious ppl evidently. 

Our mid week fiasco to come looks like this
Bayern Munich. That is all
Dortmund will hold host to Mainz. Could be a dead rubber for Dortmund however. 
Leipzig shall burn FC Digimon to the ground with acidic fumes from their beverage. 
Schalke play Frankfurt in a "sausage vs gas cooker who would win?" match
 

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Great weekend for Union and Augsburg for sure. I'm so happy to see Union looking as if they are set to remain in the top division for another year. 

Bad list ahead for the relegation teams as they all appear to be heavily outmatched. Any points from the 3 fighters could prove pivotal. 

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Whats up cunts who still even gives a fuck about football anyway

Bayern Munich became champions, man must feel really special being the 8th time and all. You're not bored yet? There are 8 year old kids in school who've never seen a team not named Bayern win the league. Fuck off you prats. Manuel Neuer decided it would be a cool day to relive past glory as well rather than just be a fat prick like usual. 

RB Leipzig bottled it vs Dusseldorf. Shit cunts. Everyone drink a V energy in protest.

Experiment Schalke, how I wish they were real. 2 points picked up since the league resumed. You deserve relegation, not the others

Mainz beat Dortmund. I wish Bayern lay down and died like Dortmund, I bet Tommy wishes Leipzig did too. Congratulations Mainz, but lets take a second to talk about Dortmund. You're a gimp club that was propped up by hipsters for 3 seasons before even they abandoned you. Actually people "Loving the club" and abandoning them is a recurring theme, with Sahin and Gotze and Hummels.... Your kit is shit too. Fucking bees. Endangered species, and remember that kit that made you look like you were run over by a tractor? I wish you fucking were. Couldn't relegate Hoffenheim back in 2013 but you'd relegate Dusseldorf or Bremen happily? You're a joke. You're an also ran and I hope someone throws acid in Favres face tomorrow. 

It's basically down to 2 teams now

Doodledwarf porn play Augsburg

Bremen vs Mainz get em son. 

In the shithouse words of Metallica, fuck the table.  

 

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39 minutes ago, Tommy said:

You can tell he didn't even watch any of it. 🤫

 

I watched bremens game. Even caught the tail end of Dusseldorfs from work. Although why I brought it upon myself to watch your pack of gimps drag themselves to a 10000th draw for the season is a mystery to myself that will forever remain unsolved. 

Maybe the next team you support can be french or some shit so we don't have to put up with your incessant self pity and attempts to high horse someone who doesn't swap teams more often than they get laid. 

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6 minutes ago, Devil-Dick Willie said:

This is the kind of passion that makes relegation battles must see. None of this going on in the battle for 7th

It is great from an outsider's perspective!

There's gonna be some emotions let out this weekend or next, or both!

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11 hours ago, Devil-Dick Willie said:

Doodledwarf

xD

I do wish people would stop making up names for teams because it's how I will always say them if they amuse me... 

This now goes alongside 'Man Cheaty' and 'Onion Berlin' 

It amuses me more though that people think I actually thought Onion Berlin was the name of the team when I only picked that up from a commentator during the match as the way he said it sounded like 'Onion' instead of 'Union'  

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30 minutes ago, Bluewolf said:

xD

I do wish people would stop making up names for teams because it's how I will always say them if they amuse me... 

This now goes alongside 'Man Cheaty' and 'Onion Berlin' 

It amuses me more though that people think I actually thought Onion Berlin was the name of the team when I only picked that up from a commentator during the match as the way he said it sounded like 'Onion' instead of 'Union'  

You'd have hated PES xD 

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1 hour ago, Devil-Dick Willie said:

This is the kind of passion that makes relegation battles must see. None of this going on in the battle for 7th

I'm glad that I deleted my initial response. :ph34r:

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3 minutes ago, Devil-Dick Willie said:

Bahahaha. One of us is going down it seems. It's an unfortunate thing. But the loser has every right to be upset 

I just hated it when someone brings up the "switch" because it shouldn't have been a switch in the first place. I should have remained loyal to Fortuna instead of becoming a sad and pathetic glory hunter. I live with this regret every day. :( :P

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If Bremen didn't have such a bad goal difference, I could see a real possibility that we could reach 15th and Bremen 16th and Mainz falling down to 17th. Bremen needs to win comfortably against Mainz, then Leverkusen needs to beat the hell out of Mainz on the last matchday, while Bremen also wins their last game and we'd need to win our last two games. :35_thinking:

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1 minute ago, Tommy said:

How do I delete my account? Just in case of emergency. :ph34r:

Easy mate, just post photos of your guns and money and threaten someone's life and we'll take care of the rest. xD

or promote your YouTube channel with each post, not as quick, but it'll get the job done. 

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It is over. The ultimo hombre is Werder Bremen.

Going into the last round Fortunas destiny was in their own hands. A win and they'd stay up, no matter Bremens result. A draw would mean Bremen would need a win by 4 goals or more. Both Bremen and Fortuna were playing against teams with nothing to play for. 

Werder Bremen demolished Koln 6-1. This meant Fortuna needed the W. In a season where only Paderborn won less games.
Fortuna Dusseldorf lost 3-0 to Union Berlin. 

Fortuna Dusseldorf are relegated. 
Werder Bremen will play off against Hamburg or Heidenheim pending the last 2 bundesliga matchday. 
Experiment Schalke finish the season on 32 points. collecting 2 points in the 9 post pangolin matchdays 

And though the world may crumble
As spices in a pho
Never shall we stumble 
Our courage we shall show
We strive to remain humble
I fucking told you tho
DDW
 

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On 20/06/2020 at 19:27, Devil-Dick Willie said:

I have attended 1 a league match. Sydney vs Newcastle. There was 1 newcastle fan in attendance. He had the most fun. 0-0. The black guy playing for sydneys personal sponsor was a fried chicken company. This was the evenings highlight. 

Proper NRL territory that. Need to go down to Melbs where it is a lil more cultured.

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