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Erling Haaland - Man City Complete Signing of Dortmund Striker


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Love to see him score the winner in the Manchester derby at Old Trafford and when Geoff Shreeves interviews him post- match, he says "That's for my dad's friend, Roy Keane, in your studio".

Chef's kiss.

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Not really worthy of its own thread but i have seen a lot of talk about how Erling Haaland could be affected by the "Bundesliga Tax" when he joins the Premier League but looking at the top Premier League signings they should probably rename it to the "Premier League Tax" given all of them other than Kevin de Bruyne have flopped.

Here's the top ten (excluding Bundesliga players) signings:

Romelu Lukaku (Italy) - Moves like he's playing football in Timberlands. Awful signing.

Paul Pogba (Italy) - Arguably the biggest cancer to ever play for Manchester United and they've seen Mason Greenwood.

Nicholas Pepe (France) - What on earth did Arsenal see to pay in excess of 70m for a wish version of Zaha.

Kepa (Spain) - As far as panic buys go quickly signing somebody that comes across like a scared child for 70m+ will take some beating.

Angel Di Maria (Spain) - I'm guessing we're no longer using the excuse his house got burgled as to why he hasn't turned out to be a world beater.

Alvaro Morata (Italy) - I'm going to stop going further down the list as I'm beginning to see why Todd Boehly hasn't fought harder to keep the current Chelsea infrastructure at the club.

 

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7 hours ago, The Palace Fan said:

Not really worthy of its own thread but i have seen a lot of talk about how Erling Haaland could be affected by the "Bundesliga Tax" when he joins the Premier League but looking at the top Premier League signings they should probably rename it to the "Premier League Tax" given all of them other than Kevin de Bruyne have flopped.

Here's the top ten (excluding Bundesliga players) signings:

Romelu Lukaku (Italy) - Moves like he's playing football in Timberlands. Awful signing.

Paul Pogba (Italy) - Arguably the biggest cancer to ever play for Manchester United and they've seen Mason Greenwood.

Nicholas Pepe (France) - What on earth did Arsenal see to pay in excess of 70m for a wish version of Zaha.

Kepa (Spain) - As far as panic buys go quickly signing somebody that comes across like a scared child for 70m+ will take some beating.

Angel Di Maria (Spain) - I'm guessing we're no longer using the excuse his house got burgled as to why he hasn't turned out to be a world beater.

Alvaro Morata (Italy) - I'm going to stop going further down the list as I'm beginning to see why Todd Boehly hasn't fought harder to keep the current Chelsea infrastructure at the club.

 

Tifo is bad for your brain.

 

The dullest white cunts on earth having the whitest possible banter about shit football stats. 

No mention of Aubameyang, who came to a struggling Arsenal and was an immediate success? Demba Ba? Roberto Firminho? Papiss Cisse? 

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5 hours ago, Devil-Dick Willie said:

Tifo is bad for your brain.

 

The dullest white cunts on earth having the whitest possible banter about shit football stats. 

No mention of Aubameyang, who came to a struggling Arsenal and was an immediate success? Demba Ba? Roberto Firminho? Papiss Cisse? 

Yeah they have a tendency to over analyse tactics far too much for my liking. Price of Football is better when they delve in to figures.

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2 hours ago, The Palace Fan said:

Yeah they have a tendency to over analyse tactics far too much for my liking. Price of Football is better when they delve in to figures.

Their analysis is twisted to suit whatever narrative they think will get the most clicks (as will be the case with any channel I suppose), their presentation is cringe and as you say, they love their bullshit stats such as XG. 

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18 hours ago, Lucas said:

Love to see him score the winner in the Manchester derby at Old Trafford and when Geoff Shreeves interviews him post- match, he says "That's for my dad's friend, Roy Keane, in your studio".

Chef's kiss.

This cunt’s as brittle as his dad. He’s probably best staying quiet. He’d be out for 3 months with a tongue strain.

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20 minutes ago, DeadLinesman said:

This cunt’s as brittle as his dad. He’s probably best staying quiet. He’d be out for 3 months with a tongue strain.

Lies, the kids a wrecking ball, defenders better get out his way, he'd make a good centre, fast, strong, viking :hh:

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3 hours ago, Happy Blue said:

Lies, the kids a wrecking ball, defenders better get out his way, he'd make a good centre, fast, strong, viking :hh:

Don't most teams do this when they play you? 😎

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  • 2 weeks later...

Must be a slow news day, papers are making up release clause details again 🙄 lol ..but they should know British law does not currently allow players to buy themselves out of their contracts which makes release clauses illegal over here 

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On 22/06/2022 at 03:06, DeadLinesman said:

This cunt’s as brittle as his dad. He’s probably best staying quiet. He’d be out for 3 months with a tongue strain.

From what? Eating your pussy?

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On 10/07/2022 at 05:14, Happy Blue said:

So, are City stronger this season?  :35_thinking:

Haaland replaces Jesus 

Alvarez replaces Sterling  (Alvarez can play anywhere in a front 3, he's not just a striker)

Phillips replaces Fernandinho

Ortega replaces Steffen

20220710_122917.jpgresize.jpg

It's hard to say because none of these players have played for City yet. Phillips has played in England, but Fernandinho was massive for you tbh. The backup keeper thing, I'm confident you've improved because imo Steffan is shit (granted I've only seen very little of him, but he was hilariously bad).

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2 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

It's hard to say because none of these players have played for City yet. Phillips has played in England, but Fernandinho was massive for you tbh. The backup keeper thing, I'm confident you've improved because imo Steffan is shit (granted I've only seen very little of him, but he was hilariously bad).

I'm fairy confident Haalands is a massive upgrade over Jesus he's CL record speaks for itself really, 23 goals in 19 games, the fastest player to reach the 20 goal mark, in Germany 85 goals in 88 games for Dortmund, he's got all kinds of records in that league too .."Potent finishing aside, it's perhaps Haaland's sheer speed that remains the most intimidating weapon in his arsenal. His electrifying threat on the counter-attack was given major prominence during a Champions League tie between Dortmund and Paris Saint-Germain in February 2020 when the striker was clocked sprinting 60 metres in just 6.64 seconds. According to Sky Italia's postmatch analysis of that game, Haaland's pace was only 0.30 seconds shy of the 60-metre sprint world record, set at 6.34 seconds by Christian Coleman of the United States in the men's final at the World Indoor Championships in 2018"

ALARM 

Erling Haaland out-scored Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo at the same age and is on course to beat their all-time totals and overtake Alan Shearer as the Premier League’s top scorer

 

Expected to take the Premier League by storm, Haaland has already done so in every competition he’s played in, wheeling off in celebration at an astonishing rate.

In his career with Bryne, Molde, Salzburg and Dortmund, the Leeds-born superstar has managed 135 goals in 196 appearances ahead of his 22nd birthday on July 21.

That leaves Haaland at the top of an extraordinary list of modern talent, who have all scored far fewer goals at a much slower rate than City’s latest recruit.

Alvarez he's the next David Villa. Fernandinho in his prime was a great player for us, should of gone last season really, now his legs have gone Phillips is a big upgrade too. i'm not sure if Ortega is an upgrade or not because seen little of him, Zack Steffen starts for USA

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1 minute ago, Happy Blue said:

I'm fairy confident Haalands is a massive upgrade over Jesus he's CL record speaks for itself really, 23 goals in 19 games, the fastest player to reach the 20 goal mark, in Germany 85 goals in 88 games for Dortmund, he's got all kinds of records in that league too .."Potent finishing aside, it's perhaps Haaland's sheer speed that remains the most intimidating weapon in his arsenal. His electrifying threat on the counter-attack was given major prominence during a Champions League tie between Dortmund and Paris Saint-Germain in February 2020 when the striker was clocked sprinting 60 metres in just 6.64 seconds. According to Sky Italia's postmatch analysis of that game, Haaland's pace was only 0.30 seconds shy of the 60-metre sprint world record, set at 6.34 seconds by Christian Coleman of the United States in the men's final at the World Indoor Championships in 2018"

ALARM 

Erling Haaland out-scored Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo at the same age and is on course to beat their all-time totals and overtake Alan Shearer as the Premier League’s top scorer

 

Expected to take the Premier League by storm, Haaland has already done so in every competition he’s played in, wheeling off in celebration at an astonishing rate.

In his career with Bryne, Molde, Salzburg and Dortmund, the Leeds-born superstar has managed 135 goals in 196 appearances ahead of his 22nd birthday on July 21.

That leaves Haaland at the top of an extraordinary list of modern talent, who have all scored far fewer goals at a much slower rate than City’s latest recruit.

Alvarez he's the next David Villa. Fernandinho in his prime was a great player for us, should of gone last season really, now his legs have gone Phillips is a big upgrade too. i'm not sure if Ortega is an upgrade or not because seen little of him, Zack Steffen starts for USA

I think it's really hard to say Haaland is a replacement for Jesus tbh. They're both attacking players, Jesus can play as a striker or out wide... but they're not really similar types of players.

To me I think it indicates that Pep's going to change his system around a bit (I also think we're going to do something similar because, because really we've gone longer than you without using a "traditional" striker - other than Origi - but then we signed Darwin).

I have no doubt Haaland will do well at City. His goal record is crazy and... I've actually seen him play against Liverpool before he moved to Dortmund and he certainly has basically every attribute you'd want in a striker. I'm also pretty confident Phillips will be a big player for you too.

I don't know a fucking thing about Alvarez, but I'm sure he's a decent player. Zack Steffen starts for the US, but taking a look at the US national team I think it's a bit weird he starts for them considering how little regular football he's had... and the times where I've seen him play I thought "why is this keeper high as fuck? what's he doing?" xD

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2 minutes ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

I think it's really hard to say Haaland is a replacement for Jesus tbh. They're both attacking players, Jesus can play as a striker or out wide... but they're not really similar types of players.

To me I think it indicates that Pep's going to change his system around a bit (I also think we're going to do something similar because, because really we've gone longer than you without using a "traditional" striker - other than Origi - but then we signed Darwin).

I have no doubt Haaland will do well at City. His goal record is crazy and... I've actually seen him play against Liverpool before he moved to Dortmund and he certainly has basically every attribute you'd want in a striker. I'm also pretty confident Phillips will be a big player for you too.

I don't know a fucking thing about Alvarez, but I'm sure he's a decent player. Zack Steffen starts for the US, but taking a look at the US national team I think it's a bit weird he starts for them considering how little regular football he's had... and the times where I've seen him play I thought "why is this keeper high as fuck? what's he doing?" xD

He's just going to replace Aguero isn't he really, Pep played a false 9 most weeks after Aguero because he didn't trust Jesus. Haaland gives us so many attacking weapons, he's probably the fastest player in the premier league now or close to it with Olympic sprinter speed, gives us the option of a ball over the top, Ederson might lead the league in assists this season :4_joy: and a big striker that can head the ball from crosses if we cant tippy tappy our way through

Alvarez just won the south american player of the year award playing for Argentine champions River Plate, he's a striker but can play wide too, guess he's more like Jesus replacement. he scored 6 goal's in one game a few months back, he's being compared to David Villa the way he plays, cant wait to see him and Haaland in action for us B| 

Phillips will probably spend a lot of time on the bench like Fernandinho did last season ..Steffen had a shocker against you in the cup semi :4_joy: think the occasion got to him and he's normally much better, but like Alison when he's having an off day :4_joy: 

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Just now, Happy Blue said:

He's just going to replace Aguero isn't he really, Pep played a false 9 most weeks after Aguero because he didn't trust Jesus. Haaland gives us so many attacking weapons, he's probably the fastest player in the premier league now or close to it with Olympic sprinter speed, gives us the option of a ball over the top, Ederson might lead the league in assists this season :4_joy: and a big striker that can head the ball from crosses if we cant tippy tappy our way through

Alvarez just won the south american player of the year award playing for Argentine champions River Plate, he's a striker but can play wide too, guess he's more like Jesus replacement. he scored 6 goal's in one game a few months back, he's being compared to David Villa the way he plays, cant wait to see him and Haaland in action for us B| 

Phillips will probably spend a lot of time on the bench like Fernandinho did last season ..Steffen had a shocker against you in the cup semi :4_joy: think the occasion got to him and he's normally much better, but like Alison when he's having an off day :4_joy: 

With Alisson & Ederson, they're usually good but capable of also being completely insane at moments. But you usually forgive it because... Brazilian goalkeepers being good but a bit weird seems normal for some reason xD

With Steffen it's probably a mix of 1.) being nervous after never playing, 2.) being a bit rusty from sitting on the bench for most of a season collecting splinters in his arse, 3.) there's probably some nerves when you're called on to play in cup games and you know if you fuck up you probably won't get too play much more that season. He's probably better than I think he is - but needs more regular football. I think that's actually the case with a lot of the US keepers not playing in the MLS tbh. I think Forest had one sat on their bench last season but he's just moved to Hull, and I think Arsenal just signed another US keeper to be their 3rd choice (but probably second choice once they get rid of Leno).

I think Phillips will have a season of being bedded in, a bit like Grealish was tbh. Not a regular starter, but spending a season getting used to how City play. And then he'll probably be a regular. Who knows though, maybe Pep just throws him in right from the off and he becomes a regular immediately.

Yeah, I just looked at a youtube video of that Alvarez guy. He looks like he'll fit in nicely with you (tbh though whenever you watch a youtube video of a player, don't they always look absolutely brilliant? it's because they're only showing us the best bits).

You've also still got Mahrez, Grealish and Foden... and I'm pretty sure Bernardo Silva's also played in the wide positions and looked great there too. So tbh I could see Alvarez having more of a squad role this season while the more established names get more time on the pitch.

Kind of mental to have sold off players like Jesus and Sterling... but you've got so much quality that I think even with questionmarks over players like Alvarez's head... you don't really look like you've lost all that much depth. I gotta say I'm a bit jealous, we finished the last season with the most attacking depth I can remember us having in my lifetime... and now that's all gone, back to 4 players competing for 3 spots really xD

Not quite as luxurious as your 7 players to pick from for 3 spots.

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2 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said:

With Alisson & Ederson, they're usually good but capable of also being completely insane at moments. But you usually forgive it because... Brazilian goalkeepers being good but a bit weird seems normal for some reason xD

With Steffen it's probably a mix of 1.) being nervous after never playing, 2.) being a bit rusty from sitting on the bench for most of a season collecting splinters in his arse, 3.) there's probably some nerves when you're called on to play in cup games and you know if you fuck up you probably won't get too play much more that season. He's probably better than I think he is - but needs more regular football. I think that's actually the case with a lot of the US keepers not playing in the MLS tbh. I think Forest had one sat on their bench last season but he's just moved to Hull, and I think Arsenal just signed another US keeper to be their 3rd choice (but probably second choice once they get rid of Leno).

I think Phillips will have a season of being bedded in, a bit like Grealish was tbh. Not a regular starter, but spending a season getting used to how City play. And then he'll probably be a regular. Who knows though, maybe Pep just throws him in right from the off and he becomes a regular immediately.

Yeah, I just looked at a youtube video of that Alvarez guy. He looks like he'll fit in nicely with you (tbh though whenever you watch a youtube video of a player, don't they always look absolutely brilliant? it's because they're only showing us the best bits).

You've also still got Mahrez, Grealish and Foden... and I'm pretty sure Bernardo Silva's also played in the wide positions and looked great there too. So tbh I could see Alvarez having more of a squad role this season while the more established names get more time on the pitch.

Kind of mental to have sold off players like Jesus and Sterling... but you've got so much quality that I think even with questionmarks over players like Alvarez's head... you don't really look like you've lost all that much depth. I gotta say I'm a bit jealous, we finished the last season with the most attacking depth I can remember us having in my lifetime... and now that's all gone, back to 4 players competing for 3 spots really xD

Not quite as luxurious as your 7 players to pick from for 3 spots.

4 players?

Salah, Jota, Nunez, Diaz, Firmino, Carvalho.... ?

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