Today I Had To Laugh At...

[Cicero]

Still one of the greatest things ever created. The comments section is a gold mine. 

 

 

[Dave]

 

@MUFC

[Bluewolf]

[CaaC (John)+]

[Azeem]

 

[CaaC (John)+]

An old man decides to look into a Nudist Colony

He is invited to try the one week trial period so he does.

 

On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, walks over to him and asks, "did you call for me?" The man, obviously embarrassed, replies, "No, what do you mean?"

"You must be new here. Let me explain.It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me," she says. Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lays down on a towel eagerly, and happily lets him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities.

He entered the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" asks the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" replies the old man.

"You must be new." answers the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, puts him over a bench and has his way with the old man.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where he is greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist.

'May I help you?' she asks.

"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."

"But, Sir," she replies, dismayed, "you've only been here a few hours. You haven't even had a chance to see all our facilities."

"Listen lady, I'm 70 years old. I only get an erection once a week, but I fart 15 times a day."

[Guest]

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=3091911891045927&id=1655013418069122&fs=1&focus_composer=0&m_entstream_source=feed_mobile

[Stan]

[nudge]

17 minutes ago, Stan said:

Explain  

[Tommy]

1 minute ago, nudge said:

Explain  

Suchen = Suck....en.... Dich = Dick. 

[nudge]

Just now, Tommy said:

Suchen = Suck....en... 

Is that supposed to look like "We're sucking dick?"  

[Tommy]

6 minutes ago, nudge said:

Is that supposed to look like "We're sucking dick?"  

Yea... only peasant non German speakers will get it straight away. 

[nudge]

1 minute ago, Tommy said:

Yea... only peasant non German speakers will get it straight away. 

You mean linguistically-challenged British peasants...

[Stan]

21 minutes ago, nudge said:

Is that supposed to look like "We're sucking dick?"  

Didn't think it was that difficult to understand  

[Tommy]

10 minutes ago, Stan said:

Didn't think it was that difficult to understand  

If you're German speaking, you read it in German and it sounds completely different. 

[Tommy]

[Guest]

A friend of mine got sacked today. Trained for 7 years. He got sacked for sleeping with one of his patients.  It's a shame he was a great vet 

[Mel81x+]

[Tommy]

"755 Dollars to look like someone who doesn't know how to wear glasses." 

[nudge]

3 hours ago, Tommy said:

"755 Dollars to look like someone who doesn't know how to wear glasses." 

Bet SirBalon would love them...  

[Stan]

50 minutes ago, nudge said:

Bet SirBalon would love them...  

too cheap!

[nudge]

 

 

[RandoEFC+]

 

[Guest]

I went to the doctors the other day. He told me to stop masturbating. I asked him why. He said "because I'm trying to examine you" 

[CaaC (John)+]

Our youngest grandson, wee Kaiden is in the dog house with his mum and his grannie (the wife), our daughter sent me this text message, me and our son pissed our self laughing.