Dating, Relationships and Marriage Thread

[Toinho]

Some effort that John. Congrats to the missus! 

[MUFC]

On 04/12/2022 at 16:03, CaaC (John) said:

It's our wedding anniversary today and we have chalked up 48 years together, it's been a long haul and I have experienced the plates, cups & saucers flung at me by my wee darling plus getting hit over the head with a frying pan and an old video remote controller when they first came out and looked like and felt like a bloody brick, just the normal things in married life. 

Luckily we did our celebrations yesterday with a good drink and a carry-out meal, we both wanted a quiet anniversary this year and told the family just call around during the week if they want, it's pissing down with rain outside so staying indoors looked like a good choice.

Just sitting here relaxed drinking some wine and watching some movies etc and nibbling away on crisps and bits and pieces of nosh the wife laid out, this is the life, I won't try getting drunk today as I don't want to upset the wife and get a kick in the nuts, that's the normal thing that happens if I get drunk. 

So many years, so many good times, so many ups and downs and 48 years of relentless bonks.

[Rick]

So, there’s this woman I really like. We have been close for years, and there’s always been that feeling under the surface that it could be more than friendship. 
 

Well, earlier this year we started exploring that romantic to side to see if we had the chemistry, and we do. We developed romantic feelings for each-other and I can honestly say that I love the woman. Problem is that she has a lot on her plate in her personally life, and it’s been a struggle managing it for her. So about 6-7 months back she tells me that she just can’t give me the time and proper energy that a relationship would need so we broke it off and agreed just to let things cool off and revisit it later. 
 

We still talk nearly every day and the feelings are clearly still there from both sides. I want to be with this woman, but I also don’t want to just pause my whole life waiting in hope that she becomes ‘ready’. It’s been more than six months now, do I approach her and ask her if she wants to try for a relationship with me or do I just leave it and open myself up to other romantic possibilities? 
 

I’ve been thinking of this whole thing non stop for months. I would hate to end up seeing somebody and she tells me that she wants to be with me a couple months down the line, and that’s my worry. But I also know I can’t just stick around like an idiot indefinitely. 

[CaaC (John)+]

22 minutes ago, Rick said:

So, there’s this woman I really like. We have been close for years, and there’s always been that feeling under the surface that it could be more than friendship. 
 

Well, earlier this year we started exploring that romantic to side to see if we had the chemistry, and we do. We developed romantic feelings for each-other and I can honestly say that I love the woman. Problem is that she has a lot on her plate in her personally life, and it’s been a struggle managing it for her. So about 6-7 months back she tells me that she just can’t give me the time and proper energy that a relationship would need so we broke it off and agreed just to let things cool off and revisit it later. 
 

We still talk nearly every day and the feelings are clearly still there from both sides. I want to be with this woman, but I also don’t want to just pause my whole life waiting in hope that she becomes ‘ready’. It’s been more than six months now, do I approach her and ask her if she wants to try for a relationship with me or do I just leave it and open myself up to other romantic possibilities? 
 

I’ve been thinking of this whole thing non stop for months. I would hate to end up seeing somebody and she tells me that she wants to be with me a couple months down the line, and that’s my worry. But I also know I can’t just stick around like an idiot indefinitely. 

I don't know how old you are buddy but when I was 24 years old, I met my wife and we hit it off straight away, 4 months later we married and that has been us for 48 years come December.

The only person who can help you out here is you only, maybe this lady has had second thoughts about a long time relationship but then again, really, you should not hold back with your own life and just carry on and let her make the next move.

If I was in a situation like you I would just commit myself as being friends with her but say to myself I still have strong feelings for you so I would give myself a 6-month break from committing myself to anybody else and if the situation is the same with your lady friend then just look for someone else.

Life can be a bastard sometimes but if you are young then don't spoil your life with a romance that is going nowhere and enjoy the rest of your life for the better, best of luck.

[Rick]

1 hour ago, CaaC (John) said:

I don't know how old you are buddy but when I was 24 years old, I met my wife and we hit it off straight away, 4 months later we married and that has been us for 48 years come December.

The only person who can help you out here is you only, maybe this lady has had second thoughts about a long time relationship but then again, really, you should not hold back with your own life and just carry on and let her make the next move.

If I was in a situation like you I would just commit myself as being friends with her but say to myself I still have strong feelings for you so I would give myself a 6-month break from committing myself to anybody else and if the situation is the same with your lady friend then just look for someone else.

Life can be a bastard sometimes but if you are young then don't spoil your life with a romance that is going nowhere and enjoy the rest of your life for the better, best of luck.

Thanks John. I think I’m pretty much at the place you talked about in your second paragraph. I’ve stepped back and just been a friend for the last six months, so maybe I need to ask her where she stand at this point a good few months down the line. I’ll let the holidays pass and ask her in January, that would be the idea. 

[Tommy]

Just a general FYI. 

 

[LFCMike]

So my house is sold now. Think I put it up at just the right time. Sold for just under £20k more than I bought it for. So no more ties to the slag now 

Back at my mum's now and start saving. 

Anyway I've met another girl and things are going really well. Things seem to be moving really quickly considering I only met her about 3 weeks ago but I'm alright with that as I don't want to do the three day benders that I've done every weekend for the last four months 

[MUFC]

3 minutes ago, LFCMike said:

So my house is sold now. Think I put it up at just the right time. Sold for just under £20k more than I bought it for. So no more ties to the slag now 

Back at my mum's now and start saving. 

Anyway I've met another girl and things are going really well. Things seem to be moving really quickly considering I only met her about 3 weeks ago but I'm alright with that as I don't want to do the three day benders that I've done every weekend for the last four months 

@MUFC

[MUFC]

5 minutes ago, LFCMike said:

So my house is sold now. Think I put it up at just the right time. Sold for just under £20k more than I bought it for. So no more ties to the slag now 

Back at my mum's now and start saving. 

Anyway I've met another girl and things are going really well. Things seem to be moving really quickly considering I only met her about 3 weeks ago but I'm alright with that as I don't want to do the three day benders that I've done every weekend for the last four months 

Congratulations on making progress

[Stan]

25 minutes ago, LFCMike said:

So my house is sold now. Think I put it up at just the right time. Sold for just under £20k more than I bought it for. So no more ties to the slag now 

Back at my mum's now and start saving. 

Anyway I've met another girl and things are going really well. Things seem to be moving really quickly considering I only met her about 3 weeks ago but I'm alright with that as I don't want to do the three day benders that I've done every weekend for the last four months 

Glad to hear things moving in a positive direction

 

 

[MUFC]

[Eco]

Just now, MUFC said:

[Eco]

On 25/10/2022 at 18:02, Devil-Dick Willie said:

Fuck marrying someone from another country seems to be my though here.

It is, but of course is easier depending on the countries involved.

My Mom and Dad STILL run into issues because she is Russian while he is American. I also was involved for years with a Chinese woman, and that had some difficulties as well. However, had I gotten involved with someone from Canada or Mexico, it would have been massively easier, but when you involved two cultures that are so far apart both geographically and politically, it can absolutely add stress to a relationship.

[MUFC]

I reckon HappyBlue and Madonna would be a rough angry bonk. 

[LFCMike]

On 18/12/2022 at 10:45, LFCMike said:

So my house is sold now. Think I put it up at just the right time. Sold for just under £20k more than I bought it for. So no more ties to the slag now 

Back at my mum's now and start saving. 

Anyway I've met another girl and things are going really well. Things seem to be moving really quickly considering I only met her about 3 weeks ago but I'm alright with that as I don't want to do the three day benders that I've done every weekend for the last four months 

So this has ended now. I'm properly gutted to be honest. She just said she wasn't ready for a relationship after being single for so long and found it a big adjustment for her and her kids. Which is fair enough but doesn't make me any less gutted. The timing was weird. She said 'i love you' first about a month before she broke up with me and we'd booked a holiday with her and the kids about two weeks before. 

What a shit 8 months I've had

[CaaC (John)+]

10 hours ago, LFCMike said:

What a shit 8 months I've had

Chin up, think positive, life goes on, when you reach my age (73) I have been kicked in the teeth many a time but I just pulled myself up and carried on as per normal, life is too short to get worried about any hick-ups in life, go out with your mates and get pissed as a newt, wake up with a raging hangover and say "Never again".

[LFCMike]

1 hour ago, CaaC (John) said:

Chin up, think positive, life goes on, when you reach my age (73) I have been kicked in the teeth many a time but I just pulled myself up and carried on as per normal, life is too short to get worried about any hick-ups in life, go out with your mates and get pissed as a newt, wake up with a raging hangover and say "Never again".

Cheers John. Exactly what I've done this weekend haha

[Rick]

That whole situation I was in last year with the whole “waiting” craic has now been resolved. 
 

Over the last few months I’ve realised my actual value to her is not what she says. She makes little to no effort in this friendship between us. Makes time for other people to do things with but never for me. I’m not arsed by that anymore, I’m way more than being an afterthought in anybody’s eyes. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been pulling back big time and I’ve no real interest in changing it. She’s not given me reason to do so. 

[Dr. Gonzo]

6 hours ago, Rick said:

That whole situation I was in last year with the whole “waiting” craic has now been resolved. 
 

Over the last few months I’ve realised my actual value to her is not what she says. She makes little to no effort in this friendship between us. Makes time for other people to do things with but never for me. I’m not arsed by that anymore, I’m way more than being an afterthought in anybody’s eyes. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been pulling back big time and I’ve no real interest in changing it. She’s not given me reason to do so. 

If you're "waiting" for someone that's demonstrating you're something of a backup choice for a relationship to them... if you ever end up in a relationship with them , it'll most likely be a shit relationship and nothing like what you're hoping for. If you feel like an afterthought now, you'll probably feel like one throughout the relationship tbh. And they'll think that they're the more important partner in the relationship because you were the one willing to sit around waiting for them to be ready or whatever. I think that's just a recipe to have your self esteem battered throughout the relationship. Ultimately, seems like a waste of time to me in all honesty.

I'm not saying fuck her off and end a friendship, but I'd advise moving on from any romantic interest whatsoever. There's plenty of other girls out there that'd probably be interested in a relationship that are probably more worthy of your time and emotions. No point in letting someone treat you like a spare.

[Rick]

I’d up vote you if I could @Dr. Gonzo

Yeah, the romantic side of it all has completely melted away for me now. To the point where I’m not getting that shit feeling at the pit of my stomach over it all anymore. 

[Spike]

Never give people more time than they give you. It fucking sucks but people selfish and self-absorbed, they don't even see the forest for the trees.

[Tommy]

2 hours ago, Spike said:

 It fucking sucks but people selfish and self-absorbed, they don't even see the forest for the trees.

That does fucking suck. Most people I know just talk because they want to be heard. The minute you tell them something or talk to them about something you care about, they just want to go back to talk about themselves. And then you think you said or did something significant, and they don't even mention it ever again because they don't give a fuck about anything that is not themselves. 

[Spike]

10 minutes ago, Tommy said:

That does fucking suck. Most people I know just talk because they want to be heard. The minute you tell them something or talk to them about something you care about, they just want to go back to talk about themselves. And then you think you said or did something significant, and they don't even mention it ever again because they don't give a fuck about anything that is not themselves. 

I'm really tired and I don't really understand your post but I think I understand it? Are you talking about when you try to have a dynamic conversation with someone but they drag the topic back onto themselves, and pretty much ignore whatever you said?

[Tommy]

1 minute ago, Spike said:

I'm really tired and I don't really understand your post but I think I understand it? Are you talking about when you try to have a dynamic conversation with someone but they drag the topic back onto themselves, and pretty much ignore whatever you said?

That's the gist of it, yea.