What Really Grinds My Gears?

[SirBalon]

Just now, HoneyNUFC said:

mullet

That was when a "mullet" wasn't a fish? 

[Honey Honey]

2 minutes ago, SirBalon said:

That was when a "mullet" wasn't a fish? 

Hasnt been a fish since the EU depleted UK fishing industry 

[SirBalon]

8 minutes ago, HoneyNUFC said:

Hasnt been a fish since the EU depleted UK fishing industry 

Blame the Scotts!  They receive over 60% of our fish on their ports. 

[Spike]

Boring gits and scousers with mustaches, eh?

[I8allthepies]

If anything grinds my gears it's those who chew obnoxiously loud. 

[Harry]

My swipe to text function on my android phone which just ain't what it used to be

. Too many words in there now which means a minor swipe error turns the word into something obscure and completely different to what i'd wanted and most of the time a word i would literally never use myself. 

[Spike]

@SirBalon Perhaps you'd be interested in my rant.

So as you may know I work as a barista for Starbucks; the largest coffee company in the world. Starbucks is very American, and there is nothing wrong with that. Their beans are generally good quality and make a fine French pressed brew. The teas are very mediocre as is the espresso (which is ultimate inconsistent due to the nature of the espresso machine). The menu is varied and catered towards the American taste buds, creamy, mild-coffee with cacao notes, and most importantly overly sweetened. The most popular drink by far would have to the 'white-mocha late' which by it's very nature is what it is. A sweetened late; there are no lies or nonsense behind the drink. I have nothing against this, it tastes truly awful but people like what they do. However, I was studying European (and by extension Australian) techniques of brewing coffee yesterday. I came to notice that Starbucks' official methods of creating a lot of coffees (cappuccino, flat white, late, macchiato, ad nausem) is entirely different to how they are created authentically. I almost had a meltdown when I realised what Starbucks was advertising as the flat white is nothing like it is in Australia. I felt like an American company had snatched up a piece of my culture, watered it down, and sold it off to make a profit. Although a minor issue in the grand scheme of things, it made me feel the same way I do when I drive past a 'Outback Steakhouse'; no dignity or reverence just a tool to maximise profits. The greed and lack of respect for authenticity kills me. There is nothing wrong with changing a formula, there is nothing wrong with experimentation, but when something is taken, changed beyond recognition and still sold as the same product is an insult to the consumer. 

[Burning Gold]

23 minutes ago, Spike said:

@SirBalon Perhaps you'd be interested in my rant.

So as you may know I work as a barista for Starbucks; the largest coffee company in the world. Starbucks is very American, and there is nothing wrong with that. Their beans are generally good quality and make a fine French pressed brew. The teas are very mediocre as is the espresso (which is ultimate inconsistent due to the nature of the espresso machine). The menu is varied and catered towards the American taste buds, creamy, mild-coffee with cacao notes, and most importantly overly sweetened. The most popular drink by far would have to the 'white-mocha late' which by it's very nature is what it is. A sweetened late; there are no lies or nonsense behind the drink. I have nothing against this, it tastes truly awful but people like what they do. However, I was studying European (and by extension Australian) techniques of brewing coffee yesterday. I came to notice that Starbucks' official methods of creating a lot of coffees (cappuccino, flat white, late, macchiato, ad nausem) is entirely different to how they are created authentically. I almost had a meltdown when I realised what Starbucks was advertising as the flat white is nothing like it is in Australia. I felt like an American company had snatched up a piece of my culture, watered it down, and sold it off to make a profit. Although a minor issue in the grand scheme of things, it made me feel the same way I do when I drive past a 'Outback Steakhouse'; no dignity or reverence just a tool to maximise profits. The greed and lack of respect for authenticity kills me. There is nothing wrong with changing a formula, there is nothing wrong with experimentation, but when something is taken, changed beyond recognition and still sold as the same product is an insult to the consumer. 

Their macchiato is an abomination and causes a lot of problems for 'real' coffee shops because an actual macchiato is completely different (espresso with a small dot of foamed milk on top). I wasn't aware they did flat whites differently, though. It should be a cappuccino with latte (2 T's, mate ) style milk, ie. a latte but smaller; how do Starbucks do it in the US?

I tend to avoid Starbucks because in this country it's little more than the McDonalds of coffee. They over roast their beans to mask the poor quality and use super-automatic machines which also takes away some of the quality. I do hear it's better in the US, but I usually look for something else over there as well.

[Spike]

19 minutes ago, Burning Gold said:

Their macchiato is an abomination and causes a lot of problems for 'real' coffee shops because an actual macchiato is completely different (espresso with a small dot of foamed milk on top). I wasn't aware they did flat whites differently, though. It should be a cappuccino with latte (2 T's, mate ) style milk, ie. a latte but smaller; how do Starbucks do it in the US?

I tend to avoid Starbucks because in this country it's little more than the McDonalds of coffee. They over roast their beans to mask the poor quality and use super-automatic machines which also takes away some of the quality. I do hear it's better in the US, but I usually look for something else over there as well.

Actually, the Starbucks macchiato isn't a macchiato. It's a latte machiato which is a different drink altogether. It's similar to a regular latte but the espresso shots are poured on top of the steamed milk. It is possible to order a regular macchiato but Starbucks refers to it as a different name, 'espresso macchiato' I believe. A flat white is made with microfoam (not the same as a cappuccino but similar) and a coffee to milk ratio of about 1:2. They are smaller than a latte so the coffee flavour is dominant over the milk; a double espresso shot is used but some people will use ristretto instead but that is ultimately preference. In the States a flat white is similar in the ideal but it isn't correct. It is made using ristretto, the correct steaming technique (with whole milk), but far, far too much milk. It is essentially a latte with ristretto shots, which isn't what the drink is. The problem with Starbucks is that it disregards the traditional sizes of coffee drinks. An ideal cappuccino is only about <200ml but at Starbucks one can buy a 590ml cappuccino. It entirely disregards that the ratio of milk:foam:milk:sweetner is incredibly important when making a coffee. They play by their own standardised rules and unfortunately it doesn't translate to creating all drinks correctly.

Yes, I also view Starbucks as the McDonalds of coffee. Americans are usually quite suprised by this sentiment as they believe Starbucks to be the end-all ultimate purveyor of caffeine. American coffee outside of their own distinct style (drip brewed coffee) is usually horrendous. I've nothing against drip coffee, it's not my ideal but I can't knock a good cup when I find one. 

You'd think a guy that has been smashing out lattes for over a year could spell the drink. Too much Espanol influence!

[Spike]

New Orleans has removed every single Confederate monument in the city. This is historical genocide! They are destroying the past because of their shame; it isn't okay; it's the equivalent of destroying books. The stand as a remind of history, a reminder of what America was, has done, and has become! What if Germany decided it didn't like Auschwitz and just tore it down to build condos? Outrageous!

[Cure]

26 minutes ago, Burning Gold said:

Their macchiato is an abomination and causes a lot of problems for 'real' coffee shops because an actual macchiato is completely different (espresso with a small dot of foamed milk on top). I wasn't aware they did flat whites differently, though. It should be a cappuccino with latte (2 T's, mate ) style milk, ie. a latte but smaller; how do Starbucks do it in the US?

I tend to avoid Starbucks because in this country it's little more than the McDonalds of coffee. They over roast their beans to mask the poor quality and use super-automatic machines which also takes away some of the quality. I do hear it's better in the US, but I usually look for something else over there as well.

To add to the Starbucks conversation... I'm no lover of coffee. I've tried it a few times but ultimately all I'm left with is a burnt hard palate. I do however know many people who love it and drink several cups a day so not to go into meltdown. Justification of caffeine addiction. A few weeks ago a friend of mine had a Starbucks and chose an iced coffee. No word of a lie the maker of the drink went over to the tap and filled the plastic cup with dirty water. Considering the supernormal profits the firm make this was horrifying.

[Takyon]

People who think they're hot shit because they don't like things which are popular. There's nothing wrong with not liking popular stuff but people who parade that fact like they're some special free thinker set apart from the brainless masses simply because Game of Thrones doesn't do it for them do my nut in.  

[Stan]

has anyone ever been to Starbucks and had their name spelt right?

@Spike do you spell people's names wrongly and if so, do you do it on purpose?

[Cicero]

Read somewhere they do it on purpose as part of a marketing plan

[Burning Gold]

8 minutes ago, Spike said:

Actually, the Starbucks macchiato isn't a macchiato. It's a latte machiato which is a different drink altogether. It's similar to a regular latte but the espresso shots are poured on top of the steamed milk. It is possible to order a regular macchiato but Starbucks refers to it as a different name, 'espresso macchiato' I believe. A flat white is made with microfoam (not the same as a cappuccino but similar) and a coffee to milk ratio of about 1:2. They are smaller than a latte so the coffee flavour is dominant over the milk; a double espresso shot is used but some people will use ristretto instead but that is ultimately preference. In the States a flat white is similar in the ideal but it isn't correct. It is made using ristretto, the correct steaming technique (with whole milk), but far, far too much milk. It is essentially a latte with ristretto shots, which isn't what the drink is. The problem with Starbucks is that it disregards the traditional sizes of coffee drinks. An ideal cappuccino is only about <200ml but at Starbucks one can buy a 590ml cappuccino. It entirely disregards that the ratio of milk:foam:milk:sweetner is incredibly important when making a coffee. They play by their own standardised rules and unfortunately it doesn't translate to creating all drinks correctly.

Yes, I also view Starbucks as the McDonalds of coffee. Americans are usually quite suprised by this sentiment as they believe Starbucks to be the end-all ultimate purveyor of caffeine. American coffee outside of their own distinct style (drip brewed coffee) is usually horrendous. I've nothing against drip coffee, it's not my ideal but I can't knock a good cup when I find one. 

You'd think a guy that has been smashing out lattes for over a year could spell the drink. Too much Espanol influence!

They just call it a macchiato, or at least they used to, which is where the problem comes from when normies order a macchiato elsewhere. Is there a reason they do it that way? I get that an espresso macchiato isn't going to be hugely popular, but is there a non-cosmetic difference between a latte and a latte macchiato?

You're right about the sizes. It warms my heart when I go into an independent coffee shop and see that they only have one size on offer for everything because each drink has its own 'proper' size. Do you reckon you sell more lattes or cappuccinos? I ask because there's very little difference at Starbucks, especially if the barista doesn't give a shit (not saying that's you) and I wonder if the name make cappuccinos more popular because it sounds sophisticated.

The American coffee scene is weird. It's relatively easy to get top level beans and equipment, but your run of the mill stuff (folgers, keurig, etc.) is absolute garbage, to an extent you'd be very hard pressed to find in the UK, and there seems to be very little in between.

3 minutes ago, Stan said:

has anyone ever been to Starbucks and had their name spelt right?

@Spike do you spell people's names wrongly and if so, do you do it on purpose?

Spike can't even spell the name of a drink that's written down in front of him all day, he doesn't stand a chance with people's names 

[Spike]

9 minutes ago, Burning Gold said:

They just call it a macchiato, or at least they used to, which is where the problem comes from when normies order a macchiato elsewhere. Is there a reason they do it that way? I get that an espresso macchiato isn't going to be hugely popular, but is there a non-cosmetic difference between a latte and a latte macchiato?

You're right about the sizes. It warms my heart when I go into an independent coffee shop and see that they only have one size on offer for everything because each drink has its own 'proper' size. Do you reckon you sell more lattes or cappuccinos? I ask because there's very little difference at Starbucks, especially if the barista doesn't give a shit (not saying that's you) and I wonder if the name make cappuccinos more popular because it sounds sophisticated.

The American coffee scene is weird. It's relatively easy to get top level beans and equipment, but your run of the mill stuff (folgers, keurig, etc.) is absolute garbage, to an extent you'd be very hard pressed to find in the UK, and there seems to be very little in between.

Spike can't even spell the name of a drink that's written down in front of him all day, he doesn't stand a chance with people's names 

Well, here we do not have a drink solely named 'macchiato'. A latte macchiato is mean to have three layers. Foam on top, espresso, and then the milk. The idea is that it's meant to have a shot of espresso on top that is only mixed with a little bit of the steamed milk.  It's mean to be a milky, light, and foamy latte. It's also meant to be smaller than a latte. It's a milk drink with espresso, not an espresso drink with milk, if you get what I mean. Cappuccinos are not popular, I very much enjoy them but I make them short and authentic. The few people that do like cappuccinos typically like them with a fairly even ratio of milk and foam which is fine by me. Some people enjoy theirs completely foam which is also fine by me, what fucks me off is when people order a 'wet cappuccino' just get a bloody latte ya bastards! The most popular espresso-based drinks are as follows: white chocolate mocha (2%, white mocha sauce, whipped cream), caramel latte macchiato (2%, caramel sauce, vanilla syrup), cafe mocha (2%, mocha sauce, whipped cream) latte (2%, people will get vanilla a lot), and skinny latte (lol nonfat, sugar-free vanilla).

Now the fuck-me-dead people are the ones that get iced drinks. Now, fair enough getting a frappuccino, that's just a fancy milkshake; it is what it is. However my pommy friend, there are drinks that make me want to shove a pencil in my ear. Coconut-milk mocha macchiato, cinnamon almond-milk macchiato, iced cappuccinos (I shit you fucking not), and the ultimate fuck you: the iced caramel upside-down stirred caramel macchiato. It'd seriously be easier to order the last one as 'iced latte with caramel and vanilla' because that is what it fucking is at this point.

37 minutes ago, Stan said:

has anyone ever been to Starbucks and had their name spelt right?

@Spike do you spell people's names wrongly and if so, do you do it on purpose?

Names like Stan? Yeah, I don't fuff about too often with easy names; some people throw tantrums and scoff with an air of condescension if you fuck their names up. However, black American women; holy shit they have werid fucking names and they are always spelt in their 'special' manner. 'Raqwanda' wtf? or was it 'Raykwando'? Fucks sake, some people even have names like 'Chyyna' (white trash). I've even had shit like 'Mekka' as in the holy Islamic site. 

[Stan]

2 minutes ago, Spike said:

Names like Stan? Yeah, I don't fuff about too often with easy names; some people throw tantrums and scoff with an air of condescension if you fuck their names up. However, black American women; holy shit they have werid fucking names and they are always spelt in their 'special' manner. 'Raqwanda' wtf? or was it 'Raykwando'? Fucks sake, some people even have names like 'Chyyna' (white trash). I've even had shit like 'Mekka' as in the holy Islamic site. 

no doubt you've had a few 'Shaniqua's' and trashy names like Mercedes and Chardonnay  

[Spike]

19 minutes ago, Stan said:

no doubt you've had a few 'Shaniqua's' and trashy names like Mercedes and Chardonnay  

The best was 'Gangstalicious' from the Boondocks.

[Burning Gold]

18 minutes ago, Spike said:

Well, here we do not have a drink solely named 'macchiato'. A latte macchiato is mean to have three layers. Foam on top, espresso, and then the milk. The idea is that it's meant to have a shot of espresso on top that is only mixed with a little bit of the steamed milk.  It's mean to be a milky, light, and foamy latte. It's also meant to be smaller than a latte. It's a milk drink with espresso, not an espresso drink with milk, if you get what I mean. Cappuccinos are not popular, I very much enjoy them but I make them short and authentic. The few people that do like cappuccinos typically like them with a fairly even ratio of milk and foam which is fine by me. Some people enjoy theirs completely foam which is also fine by me, what fucks me off is when people order a 'wet cappuccino' just get a bloody latte ya bastards! The most popular espresso-based drinks are as follows: white chocolate mocha (2%, white mocha sauce, whipped cream), caramel latte macchiato (2%, caramel sauce, vanilla syrup), cafe mocha (2%, mocha sauce, whipped cream) latte (2%, people will get vanilla a lot), and skinny latte (lol nonfat, sugar-free vanilla).

Now the fuck-me-dead people are the ones that get iced drinks. Now, fair enough getting a frappuccino, that's just a fancy milkshake; it is what it is. However my pommy friend, there are drinks that make me want to shove a pencil in my ear. Coconut-milk mocha macchiato, cinnamon almond-milk macchiato, iced cappuccinos (I shit you fucking not), and the ultimate fuck you: the iced caramel upside-down stirred caramel macchiato. It'd seriously be easier to order the last one as 'iced latte with caramel and vanilla' because that is what it fucking is at this point.

Names like Stan? Yeah, I don't fuff about too often with easy names; some people throw tantrums and scoff with an air of condescension if you fuck their names up. However, black American women; holy shit they have werid fucking names and they are always spelt in their 'special' manner. 'Raqwanda' wtf? or was it 'Raykwando'? Fucks sake, some people even have names like 'Chyyna' (white trash). I've even had shit like 'Mekka' as in the holy Islamic site. 

Well a wet cappuccino is exactly what a flat white is supposed to be. That's sometimes my drink of choice because it's smaller (so stronger) than a latte, but  without the flavourless foam of a cappuccino. I must admit that if ever I do find myself in Starbucks, I often go for a white chocolate mocha. I'm at the point where I don't really enjoy Starbucks' coffee because it's so damn bitter and, sacrilegious as it may be, the white chocolate mochas are really good.

I don't believe there's such a thing as an iced caramel upside down stirred caramel macchiato... surely you've made that up  What about pour overs? Do you have people ask you to do those?

 

Did you have anyone ask you to write Merry Christmas on their cups the year before last when it wasn't printed on the seasonal ones? What a ridiculous protest that was 

[Spike]

12 minutes ago, Burning Gold said:

Well a wet cappuccino is exactly what a flat white is supposed to be. That's sometimes my drink of choice because it's smaller (so stronger) than a latte, but  without the flavourless foam of a cappuccino. I must admit that if ever I do find myself in Starbucks, I often go for a white chocolate mocha. I'm at the point where I don't really enjoy Starbucks' coffee because it's so damn bitter and, sacrilegious as it may be, the white chocolate mochas are really good.

I don't believe there's such a thing as an iced caramel upside down stirred caramel macchiato... surely you've made that up  What about pour overs? Do you have people ask you to do those?

 

Did you have anyone ask you to write Merry Christmas on their cups the year before last when it wasn't printed on the seasonal ones? What a ridiculous protest that was 

Yes there is because I've made it.

Nope, people are too busy for that nonsense. Only internet mouth-breathers care about that.

[Cure]

The thread is picking up your coffee.

[Harry]

14 hours ago, Stan said:

has anyone ever been to Starbucks and had their name spelt right?

@Spike do you spell people's names wrongly and if so, do you do it on purpose?

 

[Vegan Kel]

I could literally be here all day listing them so I'll just pick one - Identity Politics.

The idea that anyone would wish to be viewed solely on the basis of their gender/sexuality/race/religion/whatever is absolutely pathetic and goes against the idea of inclusiveness and equality. There has never been a better time to be a woman/gay/black etc in the UK yet a relatively small number of people are obsessed with whining on about non-issues to people who really don't have any problem with whatever it is they identify as. 

They also tend to pick up on stupid non-issues such as the 'Moyes sexism' crap, tits on page 3 or someone saying they regard homosexuals as sinners when there are far bigger issues out there. We live in a ridiculous society where what was once tolerance has now become weakness and we have to follow this artificial notion of what human nature is. 

An example being that 'All cultures are equal' when they clearly are not. Cultures that think raping women, cutting off childrens' genitals and beating their wives are clearly inferior to cultures that punish these disgusting actions. It's very obvious why Blair ensured that any kid can go to university and study any old nonsense like 'Womens studies' - to push the cultural Marxist agenda and indoctrinate daft kids. 

[Spike]

Not all taxes are theft but some of them very well fucking are.

Okay so I've earned money, right? The government takes a chunk out of that. Okay, whatever it's the alleged 'price we pay for the government to protect our constitutional rights'. I buy a car using my taxed income, the car is sold with a sales tax. I don't like it buy whatever, I don't see why the government gets a slice of that pie but oh well. I go to register my new car in Georgia, oh ho ho, what is this? I have to pay ANOTHER TAX on the value of my 'vehicle'. I can either pay a single installment or I can pay this 'value tax' every year. WELL WHAT THE FUCK? You've already taxed me twice and now a third fucking time? Let's have a look at all these fucking taxes the gubment is getting from this one car:

• My income tax
• sales tax
• 'value tax'
• the seller's income tax
• the business tax of the vendor
• the tax on the car manufacturer
• fuck the raw materials are probably taxed from the mining companies

[SirBalon]

The tax that really takes the mick is inheritance tax...  How can you be forced to pay tax on something that someone already paid tax on previously.  That's proper robbery!