Dating, Relationships and Marriage Thread

[JoshBRFC+]

On 31/05/2021 at 23:40, carefreeluke said:

How we all doing?

Random question. 

Is it wrong to be put off by someone if they are regularly sleeping with different people? 

Hello there Luke! How are you mate?

That's not wrong at all, in what context are you asking?

[Dr. Gonzo]

On 31/05/2021 at 15:40, carefreeluke said:

How we all doing?

Random question. 

Is it wrong to be put off by someone if they are regularly sleeping with different people? 

My answer to this would be a pretty shit answer tbh. It's... it depends.

If you're going to be in a relationship with them and they won't stop sleeping around with different people - yeah, I'd be massively put off because I think cheating on people is a pretty fucked up thing to do and I'm not into the idea of an open relationship tbh. I know some people are into open relationships, so that shit wouldn't be a deal breaker for them. But it would for me.

Also, I guess it would depend on my age/her age. Right now, in my 30s - if I was interested in someone around my age who regularly goes off and fucks other guys, I'd probably be put off. If I was in my early 20s still and she was in her early 20s... I think it'd be hypocritical of me to judge someone else for sleeping around because I tried to fuck as many girls as I could without ending up in a relationship. And when I did wind up in a relationship, I didn't sleep around and (as far as I know, lol) nor did they.

[Happy Blue]

On 31/05/2021 at 23:40, carefreeluke said:

How we all doing?

Random question. 

Is it wrong to be put off by someone if they are regularly sleeping with different people? 

She belongs to the streets, move on!

[Batard]

On 31/05/2021 at 23:40, carefreeluke said:

How we all doing?

Random question. 

Is it wrong to be put off by someone if they are regularly sleeping with different people? 

It depends.

Is this person put off by you sleeping with different people or are you that person concerned with them sleeping around?

It's not wrong if you're looking for a commitment and you suspect their behaviour at this time means they'll struggle to commit. If there's no trust or some boundaries from the start it'll be challenging. 

Question you have to ask yourself is, what makes me feel uncomfortable with that person sleeping around?

[CaaC (John)+]

21 minutes ago, Batard said:

Is it wrong to be put off by someone if they are regularly sleeping with different people? 

Back to the same old story, if a guy can sleep around and no one bats an eye-lid as that is normal why can't a lady do the same as long as she is careful and has safe sex, the same as a guy?

[JoshBRFC+]

He could just be talking about a male friend...

[Devil]

On 08/06/2021 at 10:25, CaaC (John) said:

Back to the same old story, if a guy can sleep around and no one bats an eye-lid as that is normal why can't a lady do the same as long as she is careful and has safe sex, the same as a guy?

It's the way as man we've been brought up and if I'm honest I don't think it's something I think should change personally. I like the fact I can advise my daughters that they may have the freedom to do as they wish as adults but the perception of society is a women should have more self respect for themselves than a man would. 

Ultimately the way they conduct themselves is down to them and I hope to go they do choose to be selective with their partners. Would I have a different approach if I had a son, maybe I would, I certainly wouldn't be encouraging him to be using women though. 

[Viva la FCB+]

Small update to give here. I did manage to find a nice ring that i was comfortable with a little while back, man that was alot to learn in itself. I was planning on proposing when we bought our first place together but covid's kind of moved things around naturally, we are looking at next spring for that so Im planning on proposing this summer/fall. Our 7th anniversary (maybe 8th? Ill figure this one out first) is in September was thinking about that working out nicely 

[Toinho]

17 minutes ago, Viva la FCB said:

Small update to give here. I did manage to find a nice ring that i was comfortable with a little while back, man that was alot to learn in itself. I was planning on proposing when we bought our first place together but covid's kind of moved things around naturally, we are looking at next spring for that so Im planning on proposing this summer/fall. Our 7th anniversary (maybe 8th? Ill figure this one out first) is in September was thinking about that working out nicely 

Yeah work out the correct anniversary first mate haha 

Exciting times! Did you get her to measure her ring size etc? I know people who do all that (for very good reasons) or their partner chooses rings beforehand etc… not for me though but each to their own! 

[Viva la FCB+]

3 hours ago, Toinho said:

Yeah work out the correct anniversary first mate haha 

Exciting times! Did you get her to measure her ring size etc? I know people who do all that (for very good reasons) or their partner chooses rings beforehand etc… not for me though but each to their own! 

So I got her a ring for graduation for her bachelors degree last summer. Kind of sneaky lowkey to figure out her ring size then. I wanted to choose it all myself and make it a complete surprise, that being said I have a pretty good idea of what she likes by now to so that helps.

[Toinho]

3 hours ago, Viva la FCB said:

So I got her a ring for graduation for her bachelors degree last summer. Kind of sneaky lowkey to figure out her ring size then. I wanted to choose it all myself and make it a complete surprise, that being said I have a pretty good idea of what she likes by now to so that helps.

Exactly my plan. Clever boy. 

[Stan]

Nice one @Viva la FCB. Good luck for September! Sounds like you've got it all worked out and planned. No matter what though, you're bound to feel the nerves on the day and it will show

My missus said she could tell I was acting odd for a while before it got to the time that I eventually did ask the question. 

[Toinho]

3 hours ago, Stan said:

Nice one @Viva la FCB. Good luck for September! Sounds like you've got it all worked out and planned. No matter what though, you're bound to feel the nerves on the day and it will show

My missus said she could tell I was acting odd for a while before it got to the time that I eventually did ask the question. 

She also told me you are still odd.

[Stan]

8 minutes ago, Toinho said:

She also told me you are still odd.

Guilty as charged.

[Rick]

I need to get this out there, because I’m genuinely in need of any advice or tips from anybody who has been through the same situation. 
 

So me and my now ex girlfriend had been together for less than four months when he comes to me last week and tells me she was late with her period, so took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. So we quickly went and got some of the digital clear blue tests and they have confirmed that she is 2-3 weeks pregnant. Now, we haven’t seen a midwife or had a proper scan yet, I’m trusting these tests as being pretty much 99% accurate. 
 

We have mutually decided that we aren’t going to work as a couple (too many major difference that have only recently came to light) so we have broken off the relationship, the only thing is now is that she wants to keep the baby. Well, I assume she does, I haven’t had the heart to ask her that question because she already has a little boy and she told me how his father tried to hound her into getting rid and I didn’t want it to come across like I’m the same as him. I’m scared of the reaction to that conversation because I don’t know how she would take it. 
 

This isn’t to say that I don’t want to keep the baby. But she may think the same as me and is too scared to bring it up in case she thinks I would react badly. I don’t think that is the case though and I genuinely think she would like to go ahead with the pregnancy. I’ve told her that I will always be there as a dad, and that is absolutely true, I would never abandon my responsibilities (even if it wasn’t planned) as a father. 
 

I don’t know, I guess I don’t know what the fuck to do from here. How do I approach that conversation without breaking her heart? That’s the last thing I want to do, but at the same time I want us bother to know the other persons intentions. If she was to say that she couldn’t raise two young kids mostly alone, I would support her decision. But I just need to know either way. 
 

Any advice would be much appreciated

[ASF]

1 hour ago, Rick said:

I need to get this out there, because I’m genuinely in need of any advice or tips from anybody who has been through the same situation. 
 

So me and my now ex girlfriend had been together for less than four months when he comes to me last week and tells me she was late with her period, so took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. So we quickly went and got some of the digital clear blue tests and they have confirmed that she is 2-3 weeks pregnant. Now, we haven’t seen a midwife or had a proper scan yet, I’m trusting these tests as being pretty much 99% accurate. 
 

We have mutually decided that we aren’t going to work as a couple (too many major difference that have only recently came to light) so we have broken off the relationship, the only thing is now is that she wants to keep the baby. Well, I assume she does, I haven’t had the heart to ask her that question because she already has a little boy and she told me how his father tried to hound her into getting rid and I didn’t want it to come across like I’m the same as him. I’m scared of the reaction to that conversation because I don’t know how she would take it. 
 

This isn’t to say that I don’t want to keep the baby. But she may think the same as me and is too scared to bring it up in case she thinks I would react badly. I don’t think that is the case though and I genuinely think she would like to go ahead with the pregnancy. I’ve told her that I will always be there as a dad, and that is absolutely true, I would never abandon my responsibilities (even if it wasn’t planned) as a father. 
 

I don’t know, I guess I don’t know what the fuck to do from here. How do I approach that conversation without breaking her heart? That’s the last thing I want to do, but at the same time I want us bother to know the other persons intentions. If she was to say that she couldn’t raise two young kids mostly alone, I would support her decision. But I just need to know either way. 
 

Any advice would be much appreciated

Well, I'm a bit old fashioned with this: if you screwed around, now bear the consequences.

With that said, approach her calmly about this subject. Ask her what are her thoughts: if she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy, does she think this will jeopardize any projects she has and most important, tell her that you'll be by her side, no matter the decision she takes.

In the ASF camp, I met the most amazing woman ever. We started off brightly, always talking loads. 

Yesterday, she tells me she doesn't feel comfortable talking about certain subjects with me (like politics, social causes, etc.). That we have different views on the world and that, in a relationship, that can be a problem. Thinks I have sexist, racist and homophobic ideas (I was like what?). I then told her I was none of that and that I was going to show her the man I am.

[DeadLinesman]

10 hours ago, Rick said:

I need to get this out there, because I’m genuinely in need of any advice or tips from anybody who has been through the same situation. 
 

So me and my now ex girlfriend had been together for less than four months when he comes to me last week and tells me she was late with her period, so took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. So we quickly went and got some of the digital clear blue tests and they have confirmed that she is 2-3 weeks pregnant. Now, we haven’t seen a midwife or had a proper scan yet, I’m trusting these tests as being pretty much 99% accurate. 
 

We have mutually decided that we aren’t going to work as a couple (too many major difference that have only recently came to light) so we have broken off the relationship, the only thing is now is that she wants to keep the baby. Well, I assume she does, I haven’t had the heart to ask her that question because she already has a little boy and she told me how his father tried to hound her into getting rid and I didn’t want it to come across like I’m the same as him. I’m scared of the reaction to that conversation because I don’t know how she would take it. 
 

This isn’t to say that I don’t want to keep the baby. But she may think the same as me and is too scared to bring it up in case she thinks I would react badly. I don’t think that is the case though and I genuinely think she would like to go ahead with the pregnancy. I’ve told her that I will always be there as a dad, and that is absolutely true, I would never abandon my responsibilities (even if it wasn’t planned) as a father. 
 

I don’t know, I guess I don’t know what the fuck to do from here. How do I approach that conversation without breaking her heart? That’s the last thing I want to do, but at the same time I want us bother to know the other persons intentions. If she was to say that she couldn’t raise two young kids mostly alone, I would support her decision. But I just need to know either way. 
 

Any advice would be much appreciated

They don’t even bother sending you for bloods or other tests now. The pregnancy tests are pretty much bang on because they only test for a hormone present in foetal development.  However, because you’re not together, I would be asking for confirmation from a GP. Also, I’d be getting tests to make sure you’re the dad. Not being a twat but you’re no longer together and you need to make sure that the child is yours. Then the hard work begins.

[Stan]

10 hours ago, ASF said:

Well, I'm a bit old fashioned with this: if you screwed around, now bear the consequences.

With that said, approach her calmly about this subject. Ask her what are her thoughts: if she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy, does she think this will jeopardize any projects she has and most important, tell her that you'll be by her side, no matter the decision she takes.

To be fair to @Rick, I think he's fully agreed he has to do that and has said he'd never abandon the responsibilities as a father no matter how it came about. 

As for the 2nd bit, pretty much what I'd say, too. It's far better to have the conversation with her early doors as opposed to later on in the pregnancy when a) it's too late or b) it's more stressful at that time in the pregnancy.

Basically the later you leave it, the worse it will be but definitely try and make the conversation as calm as possible. You're both adults and by starting the conversation early it'll at least give you both (especially her) time to think about what she wants to do, again before it's too late.

 

[Rick]

Thanks everybody, I’ll have to try and arrange a conversation with her sharpish. 

[Dr. Gonzo]

I'm gonna say this bluntly because... idk why, probably just cos I like @Rick

DNA test, fella. If you're gonna be on the hook for this kid for the rest of your life, at least get proof its your kid - then you'll know you're a father and you've got a responsibility for this kid. But you don't want to get fucked over paying your own money if it's not your kid and you were only with her for months - which if you think about months as just "a lot of weeks" it's really not that much time, you don't know whether or not she slept around or not in those weeks.

Make sure it's your kid before committing to do anything anything for this kid. Cos if it's not your kid, she's just trying to string you along like an idiot.

If it is your kid though, be a good dad.

[CaaC (John)+]

7 hours ago, DeadLinesman said:

Also, I’d be getting tests to make sure you’re the dad. Not being a twat but you’re no longer together and you need to make sure that the child is yours. Then the hard work begins.

That above what Phill said @Rick is the number one advice I would give you and then think about the pregnancy bit should you both keep the baby or not and as said that's when the hard work begins.

Our son was married for around 10 years and then they just drifted apart and are now divorced and she is re-married but they all get on together for the sake of their son and our grandson Alexander, but me and the wife have always said to him after the divorce is to make sure you have safe sex and if ever a lady said she is pregnant by him then get proof first before jumping into the deep end.

[ASF]

14 hours ago, Stan said:

To be fair to @Rick, I think he's fully agreed he has to do that and has said he'd never abandon the responsibilities as a father no matter how it came about. 

As for the 2nd bit, pretty much what I'd say, too. It's far better to have the conversation with her early doors as opposed to later on in the pregnancy when a) it's too late or b) it's more stressful at that time in the pregnancy.

Basically the later you leave it, the worse it will be but definitely try and make the conversation as calm as possible. You're both adults and by starting the conversation early it'll at least give you both (especially her) time to think about what she wants to do, again before it's too late.

 

I was talking about her as well.

[Stan]

4 hours ago, ASF said:

I was talking about her as well.

Fair enough, didn't think of that! 

[Rick]

So, yesterday as I was finishing work she phoned me and asked me if we could talk. So we’ve ended up having a conversation and she told me “I don’t know how you’re going to react to this but I’m not ready to have another baby”.
 

Her son is only 5 months old, and she ended up pregnant again. I completely understand her reasons for not wanting to go ahead with the pregnancy. If I was in her position I would be making the same decision. She has been honest and says that mentally she knows she wouldn’t be able to cope with having two very young baby’s alone, and to be honest that was my main worry about the whole thing; her whole mental state when she has two screaming babies at 3 in the morning and nobody there to support her. There’s only so much family can do for her and as much as I would have been hands on, I can’t be there 24/7 either. She phoned the doctor today, they said that they will contact her with an appointment. She has asked me to be there with her, which I obviously was going to do anyways. 
 

I don’t know how to feel at the moment, it just feels so surreal. Like I’m just in one big blur or some weird dream that doesn’t feel real. On one had I feel incredibly sad and guilty, but on the other I have the feeling of relief for myself and her too. The relief in not worrying how my child is doing on a day to day basis, if he’s missing out on things, the idea of her getting with a new partner and them being around my child…all of those thoughts were just circling my mind. I never want to go through this situation ever again. In the short space of a couple of weeks my outlook on life has been changed quite massively. 
 

So now, the plan is to be supportive through this process. With it being so early, the doctor has said it will just be a couple of tablets to take and not anything invasive, which I think makes it a little bit easier to deal with. 

[Devil]

1 hour ago, Rick said:

So, yesterday as I was finishing work she phoned me and asked me if we could talk. So we’ve ended up having a conversation and she told me “I don’t know how you’re going to react to this but I’m not ready to have another baby”.
 

Her son is only 5 months old, and she ended up pregnant again. I completely understand her reasons for not wanting to go ahead with the pregnancy. If I was in her position I would be making the same decision. She has been honest and says that mentally she knows she wouldn’t be able to cope with having two very young baby’s alone, and to be honest that was my main worry about the whole thing; her whole mental state when she has two screaming babies at 3 in the morning and nobody there to support her. There’s only so much family can do for her and as much as I would have been hands on, I can’t be there 24/7 either. She phoned the doctor today, they said that they will contact her with an appointment. She has asked me to be there with her, which I obviously was going to do anyways. 
 

I don’t know how to feel at the moment, it just feels so surreal. Like I’m just in one big blur or some weird dream that doesn’t feel real. On one had I feel incredibly sad and guilty, but on the other I have the feeling of relief for myself and her too. The relief in not worrying how my child is doing on a day to day basis, if he’s missing out on things, the idea of her getting with a new partner and them being around my child…all of those thoughts were just circling my mind. I never want to go through this situation ever again. In the short space of a couple of weeks my outlook on life has been changed quite massively. 
 

So now, the plan is to be supportive through this process. With it being so early, the doctor has said it will just be a couple of tablets to take and not anything invasive, which I think makes it a little bit easier to deal with. 

 

Just read through your original post and this one and I can totally relate to it. When I was 18 years of age I had a brief four week fling with a girl I'd been to school with several years earlier, we both kinda knew it was a bit of fun and that neither of us were majorly serious about each other so it kind of fizzled out. 

Anyway a few weeks passed without any contact and I got random message saying are you free to talk, so I rang her back and she dropped the bombshell. We were 18 years of age, She was training to be a hairstylist, I was just starting out in employment and we both loved our single free life. She asked me to give her a few days to think through what she wanted to do but at no point did she give me the indication I had any choice in the discussion. 

Sure as hell two days later she rang me and told me she felt that having a baby would totally destroy her career and that she felt too young at 18 years of age to have such a responsibility. I don't know why but at the time I slammed the phone down and was furious, she did text me a day later apologising and asking me whether I'd like to give it a go in a relationship but obviously without a baby. I just seen red and sent her one of the most awful text messages I think I've ever written and that was that, I never spoke to her again. 

Looking back she made the correct decision by the pair of us, we were children ourselves. I'd love to apologise to her properly but she's married now and it would be extremely weird if I just randomly messaged her on social media apologising for something from 21 years ago.