Dating, Relationships and Marriage Thread

[Spike]

15 minutes ago, FOYM said:

She was a twiney, ungrateful fucker. Took her out a couple of time, nothing seemed good enough. The final straw was bringing her to mine, making her the food she loved, getting the film she wanted, all her favourite snacks, then made her breakfast in bed the next morning...then for her to complain about being bored. Fuck that bollocks. I've no time for little princesses at my age. 

She was a kind hearted lass, and looked fantastic, but I ain't into the high maintenance women. Too laid back for it and it just doesn't click. 

Proper smart of you to drop that before you got into the routine of catering to the needy cunt. 

[Guest]

Anyone feel love is inevitable regardless of the situation? My last girlfriend I made the "mistake" of being with the friend of my best mate. I feel like you need to watch it.

That's not why I'm saying this though. I've been chatting with this female footballer here and it doesn't feel right that I'm falling in love for something related to my website, but I am and its made me question whether I should be strict with these decisions or not.

[Guest]

On 14/11/2017 at 4:44 PM, Cannabis said:

5 years with the Mrs today, time doesn't half fly. Wouldn't change her for the world.

Well done mate. Have a beer for more years to come.

[Toinho]

11 hours ago, Blue said:

Anyone feel love is inevitable regardless of the situation? My last girlfriend I made the "mistake" of being with the friend of my best mate. I feel like you need to watch it.

That's not why I'm saying this though. I've been chatting with this female footballer here and it doesn't feel right that I'm falling in love for something related to my website, but I am and its made me question whether I should be strict with these decisions or not.

What?

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Anton said:

What?

Did I not word that right? 

 

[Toinho]

You seem to fall in love easy. You sure it ain't lust?

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Anton said:

You seem to fall in love easy. You sure it ain't lust?

I'm just worried about this situation. Should I trust my instincts or should I not take the risk?

That was rhetorical by the way. Don't think I'll take love advice on a forum, I just wanted people's opinion on whether love is inevitable regardless of the situation.

[nudge+]

3 minutes ago, Blue said:

I'm just worried about this situation. Should I trust my instincts or should I not take the risk?

That was rhetorical by the way. Don't think I'll take love advice on a forum, I just wanted people's opinion on whether love is inevitable regardless of the situation.

Not sure what you mean by that, to be fair. Love happens when it happens. There are so many other feelings you can develop for someone that are not necessarily love, though, don't get it confused.

[Stan]

2 hours ago, nudge said:

Not sure what you mean by that, to be fair. Love happens when it happens. There are so many other feelings you can develop for someone that are not necessarily love, though, don't get it confused.

This is what is happening with Teso. Love is confused with hate. Affection is confused with anger. 

That old 'treat them mean, keep them keen' adage. 

[Harry]

Tough time in the marriage at the moment. 

Think the mistake was pretending things were fine for too long that you don't actually confront and deal with your issues and you build up a distance that makes the situation a lot more difficult. 

[Stan]

Just now, Harry said:

Tough time in the marriage at the moment. 

Think the mistake was pretending things were fine for too long that you don't actually confront and deal with your issues and you build up a distance that makes the situation a lot more difficult. 

sorry to hear that mate.

what's the situation if you don't mind me asking? What were the issues that have built up?

can't think of many things worse than feeling distant from the one you should feel the closest to.

[Pep Talk]

broke up with my girlfriend this week

problem is I moved to be closer to her as she lived an hour away. luckily only renting a flat which ends in January. I've found a house closer to my family just means I will be paying £875 for two months due to paying off the flat..going to be a tight few months lol

[Harry]

48 minutes ago, Stan said:

sorry to hear that mate.

what's the situation if you don't mind me asking? What were the issues that have built up?

can't think of many things worse than feeling distant from the one you should feel the closest to.

It's really a pretty dire situation I'm afraid mate. I'll post it tomorrow maybe when I've got the emotional capacity. I could definitely use some advice particularly from anyone that's got kids.

[Harry]

On 20/11/2017 at 10:02 PM, Stan said:

sorry to hear that mate.

what's the situation if you don't mind me asking? What were the issues that have built up?

can't think of many things worse than feeling distant from the one you should feel the closest to.

The wife believes she's got feelings for someone else. 

Its been apparent that we were not close for some time and probably what could have been averted much more easily up front has built up more and will now either be much harder or potentially even have major consequences for my 2 year old and marriage of 8 years. 

[Stan]

6 minutes ago, Harry said:

The wife believes she's got feelings for someone else. 

Its been apparent that we were not close for some time and probably what could have been averted much more easily up front has built up more and will now either be much harder or potentially even have major consequences for my 2 year old and marriage of 8 years. 

That's shit if she has got feelings for someone else. Hope it all works out for you both and more importantly for your kid. I'm sure you'll agree your 2 year old needs to come out of this the best. 

[Batard]

11 minutes ago, Harry said:

The wife believes she's got feelings for someone else. 

Its been apparent that we were not close for some time and probably what could have been averted much more easily up front has built up more and will now either be much harder or potentially even have major consequences for my 2 year old and marriage of 8 years. 

Damn fella. But ... don’t lose hope. If she hasn’t acted on them, you’re still in the driving seat. Highly recommend you listen to the 5 love lanaguages by Gary Chapman. It’s got some great insight and advice to save relationships and marriages

[Harry]

Thanks gents. 

Its hard for me to work out her situation. She says her feelings towards me changed to loving me just as a father of my son.

To be honest I'm not really sure if if I really am the root cause of her woe or its more just that she's struggled a bit with motherhood. She's always been very body conscious and i know she found the post pregnancy body changes quite hurtful. And the ratio of parenting has been 85-15 my way with me doing all baths and most bedtimes and meals. She's not been the fully engaged mum i expected. 

For me her actions are not just symptomatic of me being the problem but is always hard to know and it could still be guilt about me causing her to shy away from the little man. 

Anyway I hope we work it out. We just bought a new house and no way can we afford to keep it if we don't stay together. 

But not sure at what point i should be saying fuck it lets break up. For me with a kid involved makes it a lot harder. 

[Stan]

genuinely can't imagine the situation you're going through but I actually feel sad reading your posts about it!

Does she have PTSD? 

[Batard]

1 minute ago, Harry said:

Thanks gents. 

Its hard for me to work out her situation. She says her feelings towards me changed to loving me just as a father of my son.

To be honest I'm not really sure if if I really am the root cause of her woe or its more just that she's struggled a bit with motherhood. She's always been very body conscious and i know she found the post pregnancy body changes quite hurtful. And the ratio of parenting has been 85-15 my way with me doing all baths and most bedtimes and meals. She's not been the fully engaged mum i expected. 

For me her actions are not just symptomatic of me being the problem but is always hard to know and it could still be guilt about me causing her to shy away from the little man. 

Anyway I hope we work it out. We just bought a new house and no way can we afford to keep it if we don't stay together. 

But not sure at what point i should be saying fuck it lets break up. For me with a kid involved makes it a lot harder. 

If she’s mentally checked out of the relationship and taking a back seat with the parenting, I would start looking to what you value and what you need in a relationship. If you fight for someone who wouldn’t fight for you back; to me - and speaking from experience of a failed marriage - you need to put yourself first and consider what’s best for you and your boy. It’s a horrendous situation to be in; you have my sympathies mate. The hardest thing here is to be objective and strip emotion out of it. Look at it from another perspective, If someone else was in the same situation; what would you suggest? You’ll undoubtedly find the answer there

[Rick]

Harry man, that was a hard fucking read 😔 I wish you nothing but the best mate, hopefully you can figure out a way to get through this!

[Harry]

4 hours ago, Stan said:

genuinely can't imagine the situation you're going through but I actually feel sad reading your posts about it!

Does she have PTSD? 

Thanks. It's been a really hard week. She's never seen a professional so nothing diagnosed. But i have only recently started to consider the possibility. I just took it as a super busy work mum before as she works long hours. 

4 hours ago, Batard said:

If she’s mentally checked out of the relationship and taking a back seat with the parenting, I would start looking to what you value and what you need in a relationship. If you fight for someone who wouldn’t fight for you back; to me - and speaking from experience of a failed marriage - you need to put yourself first and consider what’s best for you and your boy. It’s a horrendous situation to be in; you have my sympathies mate. The hardest thing here is to be objective and strip emotion out of it. Look at it from another perspective, If someone else was in the same situation; what would you suggest? You’ll undoubtedly find the answer there

I feel like my answer would be divorce should only happen in extreme circumstances, particularly when children are involved. Fundamentally we are a good match and make a great team so i don't believe this qualifies. 

She has not cheated by the way, and i feel grateful for that. But she has got to the point of it being an emotional betrayal nonetheless and a huge knock to the self confidence so there is still plenty of pain from my end. 

4 hours ago, FOYM said:

Harry man, that was a hard fucking read 😔 I wish you nothing but the best mate, hopefully you can figure out a way to get through this!

Sorry bud.

[True Blue]

10 hours ago, Harry said:

The wife believes she's got feelings for someone else. 

Its been apparent that we were not close for some time and probably what could have been averted much more easily up front has built up more and will now either be much harder or potentially even have major consequences for my 2 year old and marriage of 8 years. 

I am out of good advices as i have not been in a situation like you, but i hope things work out for you and that you make the right decision for yourself and your kid.

[Harry]

28 minutes ago, True Blue said:

I am out of good advices as i have not been in a situation like you, but i hope things work out for you and that you make the right decision for yourself and your kid.

Staying together is undoubtedly the right decision for him. We get along really well its just there's been a distance building up between us through her not communicating what's been happening. She is a good mum and his face lights up when he sees her. 

I'm not sure how I should be treating her and speaking with her in the conversations we've been having. Am trying to keep the dialog up and show a fair bit of empathy. For me it's an open and shut case what she should do but she's not had anybody to talk to about it and is probably benefiting from talking it out.

 

[True Blue]

11 minutes ago, Harry said:

Staying together is undoubtedly the right decision for him. We get along really well its just there's been a distance building up between us through her not communicating what's been happening. She is a good mum and his face lights up when he sees her. 

I'm not sure how I should be treating her and speaking with her in the conversations we've been having. Am trying to keep the dialog up and show a fair bit of empathy. For me it's an open and shut case what she should do but she's not had anybody to talk to about it and is probably benefiting from talking it out.

 

Agreed on the best thing for the child, but is it the best long term option for the family? If you don't get along any more.

[Danny]

21 minutes ago, Harry said:

Staying together is undoubtedly the right decision for him. We get along really well its just there's been a distance building up between us through her not communicating what's been happening. She is a good mum and his face lights up when he sees her. 

I'm not sure how I should be treating her and speaking with her in the conversations we've been having. Am trying to keep the dialog up and show a fair bit of empathy. For me it's an open and shut case what she should do but she's not had anybody to talk to about it and is probably benefiting from talking it out.

 

I feel like when you've been together that long it's not uncommon to develop feelings for someone else or even that wrong too, easily said than done when I'm not in that situation but I'd say the best thing is just to talk to her about it, is it just feelings for someone or something serious?

Could be worth seeing a councillor over it.