Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 7 minutes ago, Harry said: That's a lovely sentiment but many people find this hard, and the current generation spend less time out and about meeting people so there are less opportunities... Maybe it sounds like a lovely sentiment to you, but that's how all my relations came to be and the same applies to the absolute majority of my friends and other people I know, so I will never be able to grasp that kind of dating culture and relationship building. Now here's a crazy idea - if the current generation spent more time out and about meeting people and improving their social skills maybe they'd actually have more opportunities, more fulfillment and less loneliness in their lives so they wouldn't feel the desperate need to go through countless online profiles and short flings and exert themselves in order to stay "in the game" hoping to find "the one" to feel validated and then jump from one unfulfilling relationship to another because they are not capable of being on their own until they find someone they are sure they want to be with?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 1 minute ago, nudge said: Maybe it sounds like a lovely sentiment to you, but that's how all my relations came to be and the same applies to the absolute majority of my friends and other people I know, so I will never be able to grasp that kind of dating culture and relationship building. Now here's a crazy idea - if the current generation spent more time out and about meeting people and improving their social skills maybe they'd actually have more opportunities, more fulfillment and less loneliness in their lives so they wouldn't feel the desperate need to go through countless online profiles and short flings and exert themselves in order to stay "in the game" hoping to find "the one" to feel validated and then jump from one unfulfilling relationship to another because they are not capable of being on their own until they find someone they are sure they want to be with?... I agree with that. But doing that means being the odd one out, and not everyone can be reasonably expected to know better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber nudge+ 15,325 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 1 hour ago, Harry said: I suspect I'm a rare case. I didn't live with my wife at all until the day we got married. Hadn't even slept over or gone on a holiday before that. How did you two meet, if you don't mind me asking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 11 minutes ago, nudge said: How did you two meet, if you don't mind me asking? At her high school graduation. I was at uni but she was in the same year level as my sister so I was in attendance with my family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carefreeluke 722 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 My way of thinking is more in line with @nudge and @RandoEFC and it's feeling I've had more or less since dating apps and sites came into fashion. I've had Tinder and other sites in the past but for very short periods. The first being something similar to Tinder (can't remember exactly the name) around 3-5 years ago and that was for a month at most. Then Tinder lastly for an even shorter period maybe 2 years ago. That's been my only use of these dating applications and websites and it's almost certain I won't be using them again in the future. They can be a bit of fun but on the whole, they just give me a mixture of feelings that of fakeness, superficialism, and desperation. They remind me a bit of something out of a Black Mirror episode, to be honest. My group of mates back home use them and I think that was maybe why I was tempted to try them back when I did. One of my best mates has got over 1,000 matches on Tinder but he barely pursues any of them as he thinks 'they are all the same type of girl' and not something he'd want to get involved with which begs the question why he's on it in the first place. I agree with Nudge it also reminds me of a constant job interview or application. A girl asked me last weekend whether I was on Tinder and I said no and she said something along the lines of 'how do you survive'? Each to their own and I don't think differently of someone for using things like Tinder. However, not that two are exclusive of each other but if I wanted to meet a girl nowadays, it would either be through friends, through work, through going out, through a class etc or just seeing them randomly and asking for their number. The more traditional way of doing things if you like. That appeals to me a lot more. Again to clarify not that you have to choose one way and that's it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 Seriously, those who are like “it’s ok if I’m friends with the girl” are weird as fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 4 hours ago, Harry said: I suspect I'm a rare case. I didn't live with my wife at all until the day we got married. Hadn't even slept over or gone on a holiday before that. That’s interesting! I’d say rare but I am so sure it can definitely work. I read that those who were engaged before living together had a less change of divorce. However, I’d say religion has a part in those statistics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber RandoEFC+ 7,662 Posted March 30, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 30, 2019 1 hour ago, Toinho said: Seriously, those who are like “it’s ok if I’m friends with the girl” are weird as fuck. You'll have to elaborate on this, do you mean that it's weird to develop feelings for someone you're friends with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 5 hours ago, RandoEFC said: You'll have to elaborate on this, do you mean that it's weird to develop feelings for someone you're friends with? Not sure I don’t even remember posting that. My bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry 1,437 Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 7 hours ago, Toinho said: That’s interesting! I’d say rare but I am so sure it can definitely work. I read that those who were engaged before living together had a less change of divorce. However, I’d say religion has a part in those statistics. For sure. Correlation but not causality. It's the same set of values at play. Only strict or religious families would be likely to follow such rules and divorces in such families are frowned upon and there is more of an expectation to make it work no matter what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devil-Dick Willie 3,253 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 On 30/03/2019 at 05:28, nudge said: I'm lucky in that sense as most of my friends also have similar mindset so I was never really exposed to such weird dating culture. I honestly struggle to grasp it as for me it is just the complete opposite of how I understand dating and relationships I mean, for me the only reason of getting into a relationship in the first place is having feelings for a certain someone, mutual attraction, and wanting to be with that specific person. Otherwise, I don't care about being in a relationship just for the sake of it. Nah mate, PLOW EM ALL!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick 2,276 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 @everybody in here haha I didn't want to make out that I was some sort of desperate nutter. In fact it's quite the opposite when it comes to dating. Like Rando, I'm interested in getting to know somebody before I put my eggs in any baskets. I have a lot of female friends that I've built relationships with on a purely platonic level, so I'm not in the game of only wanting to get to know women through dating. Having said that, if I'm going to use shit like tinder or plenty of fish (my friends don't really go out so meeting women in a social setting is difficult) I'm not going to waste my time on somebody who doesn't have the same intentions as me. I'm not into hook ups, I'd like to find somebody compatible to get to know properly. I'm not one of these 'let's be boyfriend and girlfriend after five minutes' types but I still want to know both of us have the same sort of long term intentions. It's not ideal, using dating sites, but if you lived in my shoes with my friends who are reluctant to go out socialising then you'd understand my predicament. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,384 Posted March 31, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 31, 2019 10 minutes ago, Rick said: I'm not going to waste my time on somebody who doesn't have the same intentions as me. I'm not into hook ups, I'd like to find somebody compatible to get to know properly. I'm not one of these 'let's be boyfriend and girlfriend after five minutes' types but I still want to know both of us have the same sort of long term intentions Pretty much my feelings too but don't think I explained it well in previous posts Never had one-night stands or just meet for sex. Not my kind of thing to do and so I wouldn't use dating apps for those intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewolf 7,161 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 hour ago, Rick said: @everybody in here haha I didn't want to make out that I was some sort of desperate nutter. In fact it's quite the opposite when it comes to dating. Like Rando, I'm interested in getting to know somebody before I put my eggs in any baskets. I have a lot of female friends that I've built relationships with on a purely platonic level, so I'm not in the game of only wanting to get to know women through dating. Having said that, if I'm going to use shit like tinder or plenty of fish (my friends don't really go out so meeting women in a social setting is difficult) I'm not going to waste my time on somebody who doesn't have the same intentions as me. I'm not into hook ups, I'd like to find somebody compatible to get to know properly. I'm not one of these 'let's be boyfriend and girlfriend after five minutes' types but I still want to know both of us have the same sort of long term intentions. It's not ideal, using dating sites, but if you lived in my shoes with my friends who are reluctant to go out socialising then you'd understand my predicament. Branch out on your own and go meet new people and make new friends... It's great if you go out with mates etc when the opportunity arises but I would still be up and out if I fancied a drink and no-one else was knocking about, visit new pubs and the like, need to learn to be self sufficient Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick 2,276 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 5 minutes ago, Bluewolf said: Branch out on your own and go meet new people and make new friends... It's great if you go out with mates etc when the opportunity arises but I would still be up and out if I fancied a drink and no-one else was knocking about, visit new pubs and the like, need to learn to be self sufficient I'm not really that outgoing enough to do that so it would be a complete failure of an exercise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluewolf 7,161 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 hour ago, Rick said: I'm not really that outgoing enough to do that so it would be a complete failure of an exercise. Then I fear it's the life of @Stan for you my friend... Curtains drawn, the soft glow of the computer screen shining outward casting shadows on to the flowery wallpaper of your room behind you.. snacks within arms reach all cosy in your Superman pajamas and Batman dressing gown ready for a nights typing while you go through screen after screen of fake profiles until your eyes are bloodshot... then suddenly after 4 hours of searching you think you have found your perfect match!! , then out of the blue Mum shouts out.. "Time for bed" and all is lost... sighs.. maybe tomorrow then... I tried to make that sound as appealing as possible but it really isn't all that.. get out of the house, live a little Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,384 Posted March 31, 2019 Administrator Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 minute ago, Bluewolf said: Then I fear it's the life of @Stan for you my friend... Curtains drawn, the soft glow of the computer screen shining outward casting shadows on to the flowery wallpaper of your room behind you.. snacks within arms reach all cosy in your Superman pajamas and Batman dressing gown ready for a nights typing while you go through screen after screen of fake profiles until your eyes are bloodshot... then suddenly after 4 hours of searching you think you have found your perfect match!! , then out of the blue Mum shouts out.. "Time for bed" and all is lost... sighs.. maybe tomorrow then... I tried to make that sound as appealing as possible but it really isn't all that.. get out of the house, live a little It's Batman pyjamas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subscriber RandoEFC+ 7,662 Posted March 31, 2019 Subscriber Share Posted March 31, 2019 1 hour ago, Rick said: I'm not really that outgoing enough to do that so it would be a complete failure of an exercise. You sound a lot like me mate. My social circles have calmed down a bit about going out and stuff but then I'm not much for chatting to new people on a night out or whatever anyway if I'm out with my mates. Dating apps are probably worth a try. I may have caved in and gone on Tinder or something but as I'm a teacher on a small island I steer well clear of it as I don't want to be coming across former students, or brothers and sisters of current students on a dating app. Otherwise I just wait to strike up some sort of rapport with someone I meet by chance but that mainly would be work which is a narrow pool, so I think I know I'll have to get out there and join some sort of casual sports club or something where I can widen my social circles a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Gonzo 8,187 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 On 31/03/2019 at 04:23, Rick said: I'm not really that outgoing enough to do that so it would be a complete failure of an exercise. I used to be like that, until I left the UK and was in the US all on my own with no real friends or any social circle at all. That second part of your sentence that I bolded... that mindset of it being ultimately decided that it'll be a failure and you won't make your own social circle by going out and meeting people... that's all it is, just a mindset. It only takes a few drinks and tell that part of your brain to shut the fuck up and get it to stay quiet. Granted, it's a lot easier getting people to like you when you first meet them when you're in America... and they're drunk... if you've got a Scouse accent. They don't really know what a Scouse accent is even, so you're just exotic and cool to them - like a unicorn with sunglasses on. So that's a nice built in sort of ice breaker that you can't really avoid once you open your mouth and say something to someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carnivore Chris 2,606 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 @Rick I wouldn't say using dating sites made you desperate at all mate, it's a bit of fun and pretty much everyone seems to go on them these days. I just felt that way myself personally when I went on them. Frustrating is also another word. 20 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said: I used to be like that, until I left the UK and was in the US all on my own with no real friends or any social circle at all. That second part of your sentence that I bolded... that mindset of it being ultimately decided that it'll be a failure and you won't make your own social circle by going out and meeting people... that's all it is, just a mindset. It only takes a few drinks and tell that part of your brain to shut the fuck up and get it to stay quiet. Granted, it's a lot easier getting people to like you when you first meet them when you're in America... and they're drunk... if you've got a Scouse accent. They don't really know what a Scouse accent is even, so you're just exotic and cool to them - like a unicorn with sunglasses on. So that's a nice built in sort of ice breaker that you can't really avoid once you open your mouth and say something to someone. When it comes to going out drinking, the older you get, the less you can be arsed with it, so you don't meet anywhere near as many women as you would have in the past when you were on it. Rick is in his 30s now if I'm not mistaken(or atleast late 20s) so probably can't be arsed going out getting leathered in clubs anymore, which leads to going on dating sites. To be fair, simply chatting birds up when out and about can work. If you go into Argos tomorrow to buy a TV and the bird serving you takes your fancy and she seems a bit friendlier than your usual cashier, why not try your luck? Fuck it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,384 Posted April 2, 2019 Administrator Share Posted April 2, 2019 Some of you may remember I went to Bristol the other week. The reason being I've met a girl (through a dating app!) and it's going fucking amazingly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eco 3,008 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 35 minutes ago, Stan said: Some of you may remember I went to Bristol the other week. The reason being I've met a girl (through a dating app!) and it's going fucking amazingly Well done sir! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toinho 2,210 Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 You big cutie. I don’t think I’ll post my gf on here though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beelzebub 2,508 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 7 hours ago, Toinho said: You big cutie. I don’t think I’ll post my gf on here though. Just post her pictures Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator Stan 18,384 Posted April 4, 2019 Administrator Share Posted April 4, 2019 7 hours ago, Toinho said: You big cutie. I don’t think I’ll post my gf on here though. Does she exist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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