Dr. Gonzo Posted January 2, 2020 Posted January 2, 2020 Because these are more fun than "best XI" Bogdan Manquillo Coates Wilson Konchesky Sahin Poulson Cole Markovic Jovanovic Borini That's fucking a fucking dire XI
Subscriber Dan+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 GK - Ricardo. Old Portugal keeper. Well past it when he came to us, made a mistake leading to a goal in what felt like every game for us. His name's actually Ricardo Pereira weirdly RB - Robbie Neilson. Managed Hearts. Signed him from there. Abject player to be honest one of these proper lower league clogger types. CB - Molla Wague. It's probably harsh to throw him in because he only played one game (which we didn't even concede in during the time he was on the pitch) but he just summed up the situation we'd gotten ourselves into. We were in the Champions League knockout rounds and we scrambled around for this bloke on January deadline day, he'd played something like 30 competitive games aged 25. It was comical how bad a signing it was given the position we were in. CB - Moreno. Could've probably thrown him in as a midfielder. Signed from Guimaraes (I think) by Sousa. Just a nothing signing. What was the fucking point? LB - Ryan McGivern. Pearson signed so many gems for us on loan. This however was a black mark. Absolutely abysmal footballer. Possibly the worst player I've ever seen get regular gametime here. Absolutely terrorised by Jimmy Kebe. CM - Michael Johnson. Completely out of shape. Huge waste of potential. Truly awful. CM - Nick Powell. Cut from the same cloth as Johnson. Lots of talent but a complete waste, bad attitude, seems to have rescued his career somewhat but he was a really pointless signing for us in the end. RW - Rachid Ghezzal. I'm really pushed for wingers here to be honest but he was just an awful signing really. I do think there were probably worse but I just can't really remember them. The bloke looks like Riyad Mahrez but his football looks more like me. CAM - Jesse Lingard. This is possibly harsh but he played 4 games for us and I can't remember a single thing he did in any of them. No idea where he ended up. LW - Nathan Delfouneso. Probably cheating a bit here as he was primarily a striker. Hardly played - thank fuck. Shite. ST - Yann Kermorgant. This is again possibly harsh because he never had a huge crack, but he'll be remembered for one thing and one thing only here and this, mixed with his general nothingy stint here in general bags him a place over other strong contenders such as Roman Bednar and Marko Futacs. Actually went on to forge out a decent career in the Championship to his credit. I've probably missed some off that were even worse than this. Sven was likely guilty of signing them though. His recruitment policy was truly awful but in a way I think it was good that we had him early doors - gave the owners a tough lesson and as they always seem to, they learnt from it.
Subscriber Dan+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 God I'll never get tired of slating Sven's signings. Just looked at some of them. Fucking hell Matt Mills for (at the time) a club record five million and the bloke was bang average at best. St Ledger. Pantsil Chris Kirkland on loan. Christ almighty. If you believe the phrase a blind squirrel still finds some nuts - he did sign Kasper Schmeichel, who is only 18 months off a testomonial. What a signing he's been.
Administrator Stan Posted January 3, 2020 Administrator Posted January 3, 2020 Weird because most of this XI will be from before 2014 purely because it's been pretty damn good for us since then... GK - Conrad Logan RB - Michael Lamey CB - Matt Mills CB - Zak Whitbread LB - Zoumana Bakayogo RM - Franck Moussa CM - Michael Johnson CM - Neil Danns LM - Dany N'Guessan ST - Leon Crncic ST - Yann Kermogant Honourable mentions - Marko Futacs, Nathan Delfouneso, Jermaine Beckford, John Pantsil, Jesse Lingard (yes), George Taft, Moreno, Neilson. Man I can't believe we went from Neil Danns (13/14) to Esteban Cambiasso in the space of one season @Dan look how far we've come in the space of 10 (or fewer) years
Devil-Dick Willie Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha NOW WE"RE FUCKING TALKING. Mine have to have played at least 20 games. ----------------------------------------Mielitz--------------------------------------- Fritz----------------Lukimya------------------Wolfe--------------Schmitz ------------Felix Kroos---------Makiadi--------Gondorf------------------ Johannsen---------------------Akpala----------------------------Hajirovic @nudge how we lookin?
Cicero Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 ————————Turnbull————— ————Kalas—Djilobodji—Rahman —————Drinkwater—Bakayoko— Cuadrado—Marin—Benayoun—Piazon— ————————-Kakuta———————— Shower of shit
Spike Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 I'm going with players that were a significant part of the team or expected to be so, so no players that came in for one game and shat the bed. GK : Thibaut Courtois - A great player he was but he had a bad attitude, never wanted to be a part of the team, ousted a club legend on the basis of potential and long term-planning. Now what? Sold, gone, forgotten, and struggling in Spain. CM: Tiemoue Bakayoko - Slow with his feet and slow with his mind. A brute that could sink a screamer but ultimately an expensive player that was technically and mentally limited. ST: Radamel Falcao - Broken. RW: Juan Cuadrado - He looked like an honest Beard stroker on the pitch. He dived all the time and did fuck all, I cannot express how bad this dude was. ST: Alvaro Morata - Talk about completely useless. He is quick but has the decision making of a goat; i.e. he can only think about eating grass. CM: Danny Drinkwater - A technically limited energy player in a team already boasting technically supreme energy players. Useless. LW/ST: Andre Schurrle - Aside from a few wonder goals, he was kinda bad. It sucks because I liked him and he obviously had talent with his shooting and running but lacked everything else. AM: Oscar - He could have been it but just seemingly never improved. Peaked with his brace against Juventus. There are probably more but I don't give that much of a shit to catalogue anymore failure
Smiley Culture Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 This made me think of England call-up’s this decade as we’ve had a fair few managers and from memory, some horrific players getting capped. Ledley King got two caps this decade despite having the knees of a 75 year-old, Steven Caulker, Tom Cleverley, Wes Brown, Leon Osman, Jack Rodwell, Carlton Cole, Jay Bothroyd, Jay Rodriguez and Carl Jenkinson all got caps, bloody hell.
Subscriber Pyfish+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 Spent most of the last decade in the National League and he had some DIRE players at times and just some absolute cocks: Kenny Arthur (GK) Sam Hatton - Danny Collins - Gavin Gunning - Ian Miller Marcus Marshall - Harry Pell - John Welsh - James Berrett Gary McSheffrey - Simeon Jackson Most of those we signed and only played a few games because they either had a shit attitude or were just plain crap.
Chaaay AFC Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 GK: Manuel Almunia - Bit of a cheat as he didn't play much this decade, but it honestly angers me how long he managed to stay No.1 for at this club. RB: Carl Jenkinson - Had a few decent spells but nowhere near good enough. Can't believe he lasted 8 years here. Lichtsteiner was poor but at least he was gone after a season. CB: Sebastien Squillaci - Horrendous was completely the wrong type of CB for us. Another bargain bucket flop during the early 2010's. CB: Shkodran Mustafi - Purely for his value, you could argue a few have been worse but he has been a disasterous signing. We've tried to get rid of him every season since we signed him and he is still here with another year left. LB: Andre Santos - Arguably the worst signing this club has made, absolutely fucking horrendous. Honestly we've made about 5 good signings this decade. CM: Mohamed Elneny - The bloke is tragic, never in a millions years good enough and is still on the books here unfortunately. Hopefully Besiktas make his move permanent. CM: Mathieu Flamini - His first season back wasn't horrendous and did a job, but lasted far too long in his second spell here as he completely fell off a cliff. Ended up costing us loads of games and was just so erratic. RM: Gervinho - Felt quite sorry for him actually, he was clearly a talented player but just wasn't built for this league. LM: Lucas Perez - Cheating a bit here with positioning but the overall package was a disaster. Cost nearly £20m, lasted one season before being shipped out on loan, only to be sold for £4m whilst earning 90k p/w. ST: Yaya Sanogo - I don't have to say much more. ST: Park Chu-Young - At least Chamakh and Bendter did something here. Still would like an explanation on why he was signed. Totally pointless and shite.
True Blue Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 Courtois Djilobodji - Hector - Rahman Drinkwater - Bakayoko Cuadrado - Marin - Piazon - Kakuta Morata
carefreeluke Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 @True Blue Thanks for putting this man up top...
True Blue Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 3 minutes ago, carefreeluke said: @True Blue Thanks for putting this man up top... He did get some goals, started well. However he became a complete bitch, crying all the time and blaming everything for him being shit. We had probably worse but for 58 he was dog shit.
Cicero Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 Honestly feel like a twat leaving out Morata Fraud
carefreeluke Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Cicero said: Honestly feel like a twat leaving out Morata Fraud Most of his own doing.
Administrator Stan Posted January 3, 2020 Administrator Posted January 3, 2020 12 minutes ago, shut up said: no harry kane? Nah, not as bad as the strikers chosen.
Subscriber Viva la FCB+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 This is alot harder to put together, ill give er a go. The dreaded 5-4-1 ... too many shit defenders. Thomas Kraft Diego Contento - Yann Kirchoff - Breno - Edson Braafheid - Christian Lell Danijel Pranjic - Renato Sanches - Sinan Kurt - Takashi Usami Nils Peterson (maybe?)
Subscriber Dan+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 15 hours ago, Stan said: Weird because most of this XI will be from before 2014 purely because it's been pretty damn good for us since then... GK - Conrad Logan RB - Michael Lamey CB - Matt Mills CB - Zak Whitbread LB - Zoumana Bakayogo RM - Franck Moussa CM - Michael Johnson CM - Neil Danns LM - Dany N'Guessan ST - Leon Crncic ST - Yann Kermogant Honourable mentions - Marko Futacs, Nathan Delfouneso, Jermaine Beckford, John Pantsil, Jesse Lingard (yes), George Taft, Moreno, Neilson. Man I can't believe we went from Neil Danns (13/14) to Esteban Cambiasso in the space of one season @Dan look how far we've come in the space of 10 (or fewer) years Neil Danns was considered but I think he probably had too many games to be thrown in really, wasn't a fan of his but there were worse. Wingers was really tough. I nearly put N'Guessan in as well. It is remarkable how far we've come really. It's easy to forget it at times. When you look at the likes of Derby and Forest - still bobbling around the Championship.
Subscriber Dan+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 1 hour ago, shut up said: no harry kane? He was a genuine consideration but I think it would be harsh really.
Subscriber Dan+ Posted January 3, 2020 Subscriber Posted January 3, 2020 Leon Crncic still seen no evidence he's a real person.
Administrator Stan Posted January 3, 2020 Administrator Posted January 3, 2020 2 minutes ago, Dan said: Leon Crncic still seen no evidence he's a real person. Same planet as Preki mate.
LFCMike Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 19 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said: Because these are more fun than "best XI" Bogdan Manquillo Coates Wilson Konchesky Sahin Poulson Cole Markovic Jovanovic Borini That's fucking a fucking dire XI Don't feel like Sahin got a fair go here and was only here half a season. Charlie Adam on the other hand was plodding around in our midfield for a full season in 2011/12. I think you could make a case for a few more expensive mistakes such as Downing, Balotelli for example
Faithcore Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 18 hours ago, Stan said: RB - Michael Lamey How dare you?
UNORTHODOX Posted January 3, 2020 Posted January 3, 2020 20 hours ago, Dr. Gonzo said: Because these are more fun than "best XI" Bogdan Manquillo Coates Wilson Konchesky Sahin Poulson Cole Markovic Jovanovic Borini That's fucking a fucking dire XI Remember that flying volley Coates scored back in 2012 or something.
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